Igor Tudor might be the worst manager in Tottenham Hotspur history. He might be. He might not even be the worst that they've appointed this season.
Tottenham and Tudor's temporary trauma bond ranks as potentially the most unsettling month in the club's recent history, and surely an all-time nadir for interimship in the Premier League. It is a maximalist Mason; Stellini on steroids. He has perhaps peaked with a thrashing in the North London Derby; this entire tenure is one long plummet on an upwards escalator with no bump down to earth.
And now, conclusions are being drawn that have never even been pencil-sketched.
Harry Kane is in the conversation for being the greatest striker England has ever produced, for example, but this ungodly 18 months in N17 may have elevated him to a superhuman legacy, given the sheer nuclear nonsense that he must have insulated them from, prior to him getting out for good behaviour in 2023. Diego Simeone is the black widow of the sport's s**thousery, but if he really has watered his own pitch into an ice rink to catch Spurs in a web of their own weaving, it may yet be his piece de resistance in European football. Ange Postecoglou secured a seat on the Lilywhites' Mount Olympus the moment he saw his own reflection in silverware: but perhaps his greatest achievement, true to Mourinhian legend, was qualifying for Europe in the first place with this squad.
And surely, after two years and six promoted teams unable to tread water, we will witness one of the biggest-ever relegations in English football history, with one of three titans teetering.
To survive from this point, you either need vibes or tactics. Nottingham Forest nicked the former, banking on 'Spoons-dwelling Portuguese pintsman Vitor Pereira to split the xG and restore a little good feeling into a souring fanbase. West Ham United have bet on the latter, sticking with Nuno Espirito Santo through the rough and crossing fingers that his flat-pack low block blossoms in the run-in.
Tottenham have gone for neither vibes, not tactics. If it wasn't clear already, it is after last night.
Impressively, Spurs got off to a more distressing start than their last trip to the Metropolitano, in which they conceded an absurd penalty seconds into the biggest game in their history. Tudor's back three returned for another stab, with four changes, a frontline of forwards with little balance or cohesion and, inexplicably, Antonin Kinsky in goal for his first game outside of the League Cup all season. And from there, we all saw what happened, even if we had Newcastle United on instead.
It's not that the Czech gifted two goals to Atletico Madrid in 14 minutes, in a jarring performance reminiscent of Loris Karius: it's more in the scenes that followed. Four Spurs players consoling the 22-year-old down the tunnel. TNT Sports commentator Joe Hart mourning the display as “heartbreaking”. Kinsky himself visibly distraught. And perhaps most damningly to Tudor, Atletico's own fans showing more support to the Spurs keeper than Tudor himself, who blanked Kinsky as he trudged off to meek applause from a contingent of bemused Spaniards.
If Igor Tudor hadn't set fire to his Spurs goodwill with Archie Gray at left-back against Fulham or his meek praise of Arsenal following that 4-1 loss, then he made sure to with a continental headloss. Incredibly, after six hours of insipid football – which have admittedly brought the nation together, with Spurs now event TV – he has now unified Tottenham supporters, too, with that single act, or lack of.
It was perfectly understandable to drop Guglielmo Vicario after a poor run of form, even if drafting in Kinsky to an arena this big felt difficult to explain. The sheer lack of compassion that followed is harder to grasp.
No one quite knew what to expect from the Croatian upon arrival, partly because most of the fallout at Lazio or Juventus came behind closed doors, and partly because the mere mention of the name of a midlevel Serie A stalwart conjures very little these days. Ivan Juric's spell at Southampton did little to mark him out as a memorable Sporcle answer, for example: and despite TNT encouraging us twice a game to tune in on Sunday evening, most English fans are unsure as to which one Sassuolo are from Sampdoria, whether Rafael Leao really exists and what exactly hit Juve for them to go from Claudio Marchisio to Weston McKennie in a little under a decade.
But now we know. Tudor has been so bad that he may have saved Spurs inadvertently, such is the juxtaposition of this car crash. If this stint hadn't been quite so hopeless – culminating in this new low – perhaps he could have feasibly remained tenable in this position.
Not now. Fans are united where once there was discontent and calls for a Sherwood and Redknapp. Spurs' beleaguered post-Levy bosses will restore faith in themselves by relieving Tudor of duties.