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Right, lads and lasses, gather round.
The end of the season is creeping up on us, and that means one thing: that every Tom, Dick and Premier League sporting director is about to start eyeing up our players like they’re a bargain bucket at the local chicken shop.
It comes with the territory of being the surprise package — you spend a season punching above your weight, beating Chelsea, taking points off Arsenal, City and Liverpool, and suddenly the rest of the country remembers we exist. Brilliant.
So, who’s going where, and what should we be doing about it? Let’s have a crack at it!
Sunderland’s untouchables: Robin Roefs and Dan Ballard
End of conversation.
Roefs has been an absolute revelation between the sticks this season and unfortunately for the rest of us, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester City have all noticed.
There’s talk of a £60 million Chelsea bid being prepared this summer, which frankly feels like an insult. The lad himself has been brilliant about it, saying it’s “not really time to think about these things like moving or any rumours” and that the way we’re building here is “just really, really amazing.”
Music to my ears. He’s contracted until 2030; he’s not going anywhere unless someone backs up a Brinks’ truck, and even then, I would think twice.
Ballard, well, you know how I feel about him.
A brick wall that throws himself in front of anything that moves, and is still somehow underestimated by the rest of the league. If you fancy reading the love letter, I’ve already written it. Just know this: anyone trying to prise him away can do one.
The big one — Noah Sadiki
Here we go.
Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Tottenham and Everton are all queuing up like it’s Black Friday at Argos — Sadiki has been outstanding this season, and the vultures know it.
In an ideal world, he stays.
He’s twenty one, partnering Granit Xhaka in midfield, and will only get better. But football doesn’t work like that and if a silly amount of money lands on the table, decisions have to be made.
For me, the number is £60 million minimum, and even at that, I’d be feeling a bit short-changed. Anything less and we are being mugged off. Hold firm.
Hands off Brian Brobbey
Now this one is just cheeky.
Bayern Munich, of all clubs, are reportedly sniffing around Brobbey as a potential understudy to Harry Kane. Six goals in twenty five Premier League games for a side fighting at the top end of the table, and suddenly the Bundesliga champions fancy nicking him for around £20 million.
The lad is built like a small barn.
His superhuman strength and ability to hold the ball up against any centre back in the Premier League has been one of the defining features of our season. Defenders bounce off him like he’s a brick wall on legs. He buys us time, brings others into play and gives us a focal point that almost nobody in the league can deal with.
Sorry, Bayern, but no.
Brobbey has been brilliant this season. He’s only twenty four and he is exactly the kind of striker you build a long-term Premier League side around.
The idea of him sitting on a bench in Bavaria as Kane’s backup is frankly depressing. Tell them to go and find their own.
Chemsdine Talbi to Newcastle? Do me a favour!
Newcastle reportedly want Talbi as a replacement for Anthony Gordon — but Newcastle can do one. Just go away.
Aston Villa and Brighton are also said to be in the mix and at least with them we can have a sensible chat about it, but the Mags? Not at any price. Not now, not ever.
Get out of our pockets and find someone else to bother.
The best of the rest
It’s not just the headline names.
Wilson Isidor has been linked with Everton and Beşiktaş, and there are rumblings he might fancy a move for more guaranteed minutes. Eliezer Mayenda had Paris FC sniffing in January and continues to attract attention from the continent, although the club view him as a long-term asset — and rightly so.
Then there’s Nordi Mukiele.
A French international defender with PSG pedigree and Bundesliga experience at Bayer Leverkusen, picked up for a steal at £9.5 million last summer. He’s settled in quickly and you have to assume the bigger boys will start asking questions if he keeps performing at this level. Hopefully he loves it on Wearside enough to bat them away.
The truth is that if you do well in the Premier League as a newly- promoted side, your good players become part of other clubs’ shopping lists. We just have to be smart, ruthless, and not afraid to say “no”.
The Lads on loan
Anthony Patterson is the standout success story.
Shipped out to Millwall in January after losing his number one spot to Roefs, he has gone down there and grabbed the gloves with both hands.
That acrobatic, top-corner stop against Ipswich live on ITV last month? One of the saves of the Championship season. He’s reminding everyone that he’s still a Premier League goalkeeper, and there’ll be no shortage of suitors this summer.
Then there’s Dan Neil — and this one tugs at the heartstrings a bit.
A Sunderland lad through and through who captained us to promotion at Wembley, and is now seeing out the season at Ipswich with his contract winding down. However, the reality is that the team has been upgraded significantly while his progress stagnated, and he wasn’t getting the football he needed at the Stadium of Light.
If a fresh start elsewhere is what’s best for his career, I would shake his hand and wish him well. Eighteen years of service deserves nothing less.
Lutsharel Geertruida is a thornier one.
A brilliant player; very talented, and exactly the kind of versatile defender every top side wants. The trouble is that he hasn’t been a guaranteed starter on Wearside, and Liverpool, Aston Villa and Tottenham are all sniffing around.
Honestly? I can’t see him signing. He deserves to be starting every week for a top level club, and I respect that.
Best of luck to him.
Cirkin at a crossroads?
Dennis Cirkin is one I would love to keep.
He is a good hand, a solid pro, and Régis Le Bris clearly trusts him when he’s available. The catch is that Reinildo, when fit, is special and stays first choice no matter what. So it boils down to Dennis.
Does he fancy fighting for minutes here, or does he back himself to be the main man elsewhere?
Either way, no hard feelings. Hopefully he stays.
What do we need?
A centre back to push Ballard and Omar Alderete.
A striker that can rattle in twenty-plus goals a season would be nice (asking for a friend), and if we can prevent Marseille from nicking Florent Ghisolfi for their sporting director vacancy across the Channel, that would be smashing too.
Apparently he’s already turned them down once, which is a relief, but you know what these things are like.
The verdict…
This summer is about evolution, not revolution.
We’ve got the foundations of something special, and there’s no need to rip it up and start again.
Keep the spine. Sell at the right price, never undervalue. Bring in two or three quality additions and trust the lads that’ve got us this far.
Easy, isn’t it? Haway the lads.