As ever, I enjoyed reading Jamie Smith’s latest contribution to The Mag (Schadenfreude, integrity, etc). Citing financial reasons, he declares that “the best result in the long term for Newcastle United on Sunday is for West Ham to win”.
Such a result would pile yet more pressure on Tottenham in the relegation dog fight, while ending our disappointing Premier League season with a dismal eighth home defeat.
There is, however, a way to avoid this unpleasant scenario of almost hoping we are beaten — without letting Spurs off the hook on which most of our fans would presumably like to see them impaled.
The two London clubs each have two games remaining. After Monday night’s draw against Leeds, Spurs go to Stamford Bridge next Tuesday, then host Everton on the final day.
West Ham are at home to Leeds that day, a week after playing at St James’ Park.
This is where things become tricky for somebody who failed maths O-level three times before taking the hint and concentrating on words rather than numbers.
Spurs are two points clear of the drop. If they lose their final two games and West Ham lose to us but beat Leeds, by my reckoning Spurs are down.
Would you honestly expect them to leave Stamford Bridge with anything except a bruising defeat?
Honesty is important here because, after the season Chelsea have endured, they are almost as much of a basket case as Spurs. Who knows which version of the King’s Road Strollers will put on a show in front of their frustrated supporters?
They will, presumably, fight tooth and nail at Wembley on Saturday in the FA Cup final. The fear is that, three days later, they will reprise their recent performance at the Amex, an appalling capitulation that cost Liam Rosenior his job.
With my glass half-full, I can see Chelsea doing enough to embarrass Spurs. After all, the hosts are the reigning Fifa Club World c Cup champions (ahem). There is no love lost between these outfits. Only a decade ago, the Battle of Stamford Bridge essentially ended the Cockerels’ hopes of a first top-tier title since 1961.
Chelsea have won 12 and drawn the other two of their 14 most recent Premier League matches against Spurs, home and away.
If my wishes come true, Spurs will start their not-so-super Sunday stuck on 38 points. West Ham will be on 36. Winner takes all, if their closest rivals lose.
Against Everton, Spurs would need to avoid defeat, because a point and their superior goal difference would scupper West Ham, whatever happened at the London Stadium.
How likely are Spurs to gain a single point? Not very. They have lost 10 of 18 home matches in the Premier League this season, drawn six and won two.
Everton will, all things being equal, have stuffed Sunderland in their penultimate match while we are beating West Ham. That would give the Toffees something to play for on the final day; the prospect of a Europa Conference League campaign next season.
That has been called a poisoned chalice on this forum but David Moyes won it with West Ham in 2023 and would doubtless love to do it again with Everton.
I can almost hear his pre-match talk: “C’mon, lads, who disnae fancy a Thursday night in Azerbaijan, Moldova or Kazahkstan? Let’s get at these fancy dans from the start!”
Rest assured, the Toffees will be up for it.
What of Leeds, whom West Ham must beat to survive the drop? Daniel Farke’s team have done well in the second half of the season and are unbeaten in the league since March 3.
They will be no pushovers. The Hammers have home advantage, however, and know that nothing but three points are essential. Those factors could prove decisive by 6pm on May 24.
So much for my crystal ball, which is ever so slightly clouded by wishful thinking.
Playing devil’s advocate, there are a few reasons to hope Spurs survive. Newcastle United have an excellent Premier League record against them. No game is ever easy but a match against the Cockerels comes pretty damn close. If we play them next season, that should be six points in the bag. Just the 34 more from 36 games to ease the relegation fears that are already on the mind of some Toon Army comrades.
Yes, Spurs did lure away Gazza and the Waddler in their prime, though the north Londoners were also canny enough to give us £850,000 for Kevin Scott in 1994 and £30m for Moussa Sissoko in 2016. Taa very much, don’t mind if we do!
Jamie Smith rightly points out that our annual income is nearly £240m lower than theirs in the most recent figures and the demise of any member of the “Big Six” has to be good news.
Perhaps a stay of execution, followed by a conclusive and costly collapse next season, would be a happy compromise.
No, let’s get rid of them now. Their owners did everything possible to delay and derail the Saudi PIF takeover, they wanted to join a European Super League, they deserve every horrible humiliation that comes their way.
As in all such cases, the supporters, those who are emotionally invested in a club, are the ones who suffer most. I have long-lasting friendships with fans of Spurs and West Ham. They commiserated with me in 2009 and 2016. Soon it will be my turn to reciprocate.