Hello Tottenham Hotspur fans. Sunday was a bad game. We’ve had a bunch of those lately. Let’s not dwell on it too much, because we’ve been having circular arguments about Ange Postecoglou’s future, the injury crisis, the fixture congestion, and Daniel Levy for two months now.
Instead, I have some good news to share with you. I have shared in the comments about my Stage IV colon cancer diagnosis earlier this year, though I’ve tried not to make a big deal out of it. (There’s a Caring Bridge blog in my name if you’re curious.) I’m very pleased however to report that after two surgeries and several months of treatment I have completed my full course of chemotherapy. I have a scan in two weeks, and if that comes back clear (and it’s expected it will), I am officially in remission and monitoring for the next five years.
I’ve said this before, but the main advice I have for people is to stay up to date with their preventative medicine to the extent that you’re able. Don’t put off your colonoscopies when it’s time — my initial tumor was caught on my very first colonoscopy, and it likely saved my life. Colon cancer in particular is on the rise among men and women, and it can also target younger people as well. But it’s also significantly more treatable than even five years ago.
And speaking of colonoscopies, I’m quite familiar with them now, and especially the dreaded “prep day.” If you’ve ever done one, you’ll know you get acutely familiar with Gatorade the day before the procedure. I’ve done enough bowel prep now that I have some TAKES on the various Gatorade colors and flavors available.
So here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their home loss to Leicester, to the theme of Gatorade colors.
This is pretty clearly the Basic Bitch Choice™ and I acknowledge that, but honestly there aren’t many better choices than your basic orange flavor. Orange is one of the artificial fruit flavors that most closely mimics the real thing, or is at least palatable, and importantly you can use it for prep day if it doesn’t have any red dye in it. I’ll also give a quick shout-out to the mango and citrus cooler flavors, somewhat hard to find but worth seeking out if you’re drinking a gallon of the stuff. Or even if you aren’t.
LOL there are no Spurs players here, are you nuts?
It’s really hard to go wrong with a fruit punch flavored drink because the flavor is so ubiquitous and everyone seems to love it. I’m the same way. The irony is that you can’t drink it when doing bowel prep (red, blue and purple have dyes in it that interfere with scans). Speaking of red Gatorade, there’s apparently a mythical strawberry flavor that I have yet to see in the wild.
Lucas Bergvall (Community — 3.0): This is probably overrating him a bit due to the match context, but screw it — Lucas was pretty darn good on a day when few Spurs players were. A small bright spot from this disasterclass is that Bergvall continues to get important developmental minutes. Think he’s going to break out next season.
Richarlison (Community — 3.0): Good, tricky header for Spurs’ goal and clattered the post after. Shame about the groin, but it’s good to see him back out there.
This is the classic Gatorade flavor and color, and one of the two original flavors back when it was a drink mix and not available at literally every convenience store. It’s fine. Not the first thing I reach for but also not terrible, and you can drink lots of it without hating yourself or the company afterwards.
Antonin Kinsky (Community — 2.5): I don’t blame him too much for either goal, especially the first, which seemed to take a skip off the turf before he could get it. Had a lovely pass from deep that set up a big chance.
Archie Gray (Community — 3.0): Was worried about his hamstring when I saw him at LB but he did okay against Ayew and Justin. A little less effective when moved to CM.
Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 2.5): God love him, he’s trying but it’s clear he’s got very little left in the tank right now.
Son Heung-Min (Community — 2.5): Forced two quality Leicester saves, but he dropped off considerably in the second half. Fatigue? Probably. At least his minutes are kind of being managed.
Mikey Moore (Community — 2.5): Looked to be one of Spurs’ more creative players on the day, but that’s a tough ask for a 17-year old kid.
Sergio Reguilon (Community — 2.5): He was fine, I guess. At least he can run.
There are precious few things that are blue in nature, and for that reason I’ve usually steered clear of blue flavored drinks. Nine times out of ten they’re some variation of blue raspberry, a flavor I have bounced off of since childhood. Not a huge fan of the purple flavors either, as artificial grape always reminds me of Dimetapp and being sick as a seven year old.
Pedro Porro (Community — 2.0): Got the assist for Richarlison, but at least partially at fault for both Leciester goals. Might have made up for it on the offensive end but squandered two good chances by taking shots that hit side netting instead of squaring to teammates. Overall: bad game.
Radu Dragusin (Community — 2.0): Hung out to dry by Porro on the first goal, but was again loose passing out from the back.
Ben Davies (Community — 2.0): Gave El-Khannous way too much space for Leicester’s second goal. An uncharacteristic less-than-solid performance from Gentle Ben.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 2.0): God, he was bad. Loose passing, bad tackles, no real chance creation. Awful performance.
Pape Sarr (Community — 2.0): Awful, but then again he was injured and according to Ange shouldn’t have been playing at all. Kinda hard to blame Pape for that.
Ange Postecoglou (Community — 2.0): I know, it’s hard to succeed with two hands tied behind your back, but still, one point from two games against Leicester this season should never be acceptable. And also Ange — you had Lankshear right there.
I made the mistake of buying a six pack of this ahead of my initial bowel surgery prep (gotta mix things up, right?), and it’s the worst, like the absolute most garbage cheap-ass Great Value brand cherry-lime cough syrup. It’s also visually dis-congruous — who makes white things taste like artificial cherries? I’d rather eat cherry Chap-Stick. I had to choke this down and have now sworn off the stuff forever. The hardest of passes.
No Tottenham players were as bad as white Glacier Cherry Gatorade.
Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating: