The 42

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR NEEDED to steady themselves after the rip-roaring underachievement of Ange Postecoglou, but they are once again guilty of a wild overcorrection.

This risible, bloodless loss at Arsenal was an indictment of Thomas Frank’s micro-management and it won’t be deemed acceptable by Spurs fans for much longer.

If Ange neglected the importance of being strong in both boxes, then Frank is ignoring the vast swathe of grass between the boxes. Ange’s attitude was a brave domestic failure; Frank’s is looking a cowardly one.

To Dare is to do?

No!

To Dare is to risk!

To squat deep and try to win a free-kick in your own half to which your goalkeeper can gingerly walk and then boot long is to do!

Frank would remind you of some scientifically de-aged and billionaire tech founder, pushing his latest ruinous innovation with an enthusiasm so wild-eyed and manic that you’re left to wonder whether he is trying to convince everyone else of its inherent good, or merely trying to convince himself.

For Frank’s is post-modern football: it is the game blown asunder and broken down to its constituent parts.

For most teams, moments accumulate into an increasing flow, but not for Frank’s Tottenham. The only punctuation he uses is a full stop.

This is why, for instance, you’ll see one of his coaching staff spring from his seat to choreograph his men around a throw-in in Tottenham’s own half. Frank’s staff have put far too much work into these throw-ins to leave them just to the players alone.

These moments are called restarts because they are supposed to restart the game, but for Frank’s Tottenham, they are the game. This is why Kevin Danso was picked in a back five from the off: it was partly to help gum up the centre of the pitch to limit Arsenal, but also for his long throws.

Meanwhile, teams winning free-kicks inside their own half were also once a means of quickly kickstarting play, but Frank’s Tottenham live for these moments. Hence Vicario will slowly address these free-kicks, to allow his team mates troop forward to assume their assigned positions.

Today they were, of course, laughably ineffective, and the nadir came at the end of the first-half, when Vicario failed to clear the first Arsenal player in front of him, who instantly booted the ball back down the pitch. It was a scene redolent of the ping-pong of kicking we’ve seen on rugby pitches throughout November.

Frank’s creed that the game is merely an opportunity to create set pieces has led to Spurs simply forgetting how to play football. In terms of Spurs’ ability to play through the thirds, Frank has performed an extremely effective lobotomy.

Hamstrung by the leaden midfield duo of Bentancur and Palhinha, Spurs offered less than nothing in possession in the opening half, heading for the changing rooms having had 29% possession and without having a shot of any kind.

When it came, that first shot was a kind of miracle, Richarlison clipping the ball over David Raya from long range. But Spurs were 3-0 down at that point, undone once again by the delightfully fleet feet of Eberechi Eze. His sighs of relief at not joining this grim Spurs enterprise could power a wind farm.

Xavi Simons has not been so lucky, and he had to watch the first-half nonsense unfold from the bench. That Frank couldn’t find a place for one of the club’s priciest-ever signings away to their bitter rivals was indicative of a failure even before kick-off. He trooped on for Danso at half-time, but watching Simons at Spurs this season has been painful: there is little point in having a passer as creative as he is without giving him anyone to whom he can pass.

Arsenal, of course, are the original set-piece innovators, but they generally see corners as the best route to their first goal in a game, rather than their only hope of scoring at all. Contrast also the metronomic qualities of Martin Zubimendi with Tottenham’s midfield, who can pass only responsibility.

And for all of Mikel Arteta’s conservatism, Martin Odegaard’s injury has allowed Eze to play centrally, and from the positions in which he took his hat-trick so cleanly, from precisely the range in which too-deep defences are often vulnerable.

Arsenal look indomitable in a league already looking short of another true contender.

This fact will sicken Spurs fans, but they should be most dejected with their team’s pitiful philosophy.