Football365

According to reports, Tottenham Hotspur have decided against releasing Richarlison as he pushes to join Brazilian side Vasco Da Gama.

Richarlison has had a rollercoaster couple of weeks, with the forward having several options to leave Tottenham.

The north London side tried to offload Richarlison as part of a swap deal with Iliman Ndiaye in the final days of the summer transfer window in England, but this deal ultimately fell through because the Spurs star could not agree on terms with Everton.

This prevented Tottenham from signing Ndiaye, who joined Manchester City instead, while Roberto De Zerbi’s side recruited Chelsea winger Mykhaylo Mudryk as an alternative on loan with an option to buy.

Since then, Richarlison has missed out on a move to Super Lig side Trabzonspor, and he is now pursuing a move to Vasco Da Gama.

READ: Spurs will succumb to 13-year all-time Premier League table low soon – but might Liverpool drop too?

On Thursday, there were reports that the 29-year-old has already agreed terms with Vasco, while it’s been claimed that he is trying to have his contract cancelled to make an exit smoother.

Regardless, Richarlison is running out of time to secure a move to Vasco because the summer transfer window in Brazil closes on Friday night.

And BBC Sport reported on Thursday evening that there are still issues to overcome, with Richarlison and Tottenham ‘in dispute over the remaining nine months of his contract’.

Tottenham rule out releasing Richarlison

The report confirms that the forward is ‘exploring his options’ and is ‘keen to be released from his deal’, but Tottenham are currently ruling this out.

The report explains:

‘Talks between the club and player’s representatives are ongoing to find a resolution but it is believed the matter has escalated in recent days.

‘While Richarlison is eager to reach an agreement with Tottenham which would allow him to walk away from the club for nothing, Spurs are not considering that option as realistic. To complicate matters, Spurs have a 12-month option to extend Richarlison’s contract until the end of next season. Spurs are unwilling to negotiate a settlement with Richarlison over the rest of his deal.’

De Zerbi has recently shed light on a private conversation he had with Richarlison during pre-season.

“At the beginning of pre-season I spoke to Richarlison and asked him if he wanted to extend his contract because I was happy to keep him with us,” De Zerbi said.

“He didn’t want to. So, Richarlison is a good player, yes. He was important last season, yes, very important. He’s a good guy, yes. But in the end, I had to stop myself putting pressure on the players if the players show me they want to leave.

“I’m sorry for him, but we have to go to another page and work with Dominic Solanke and Omar Marmoush.”

There will almost certainly be one shift in the historic Big Six hierarchy this season, but Chelsea and Liverpool might well swap places too.

It’s time to look at the all-time Premier League table and see where there might be some changes this season.

Manchester City (6th, 1967 points) to overtake Spurs (5th, 1993 points)

When the Abu Dhabi takeover of Manchester City was completed in September 2008, they were 14th in the all-time Premier League table, wedged between Southampton and Bolton.

With at least 64 more points collected than any other team during his reign – and Liverpool make that comparison look far less dominant than it absolutely is – the Spaniard left Manchester City as the imminent usurpers in an eternal Big Six.

Their relentless excellence has dovetailed neatly with Tottenham’s equally inexorable awfulness to close that gap in double-quick time, to the extent that it will probably only take Enzo Maresca – and Roberto De Zerbi – ten more games to complete the turnaround.

Spurs have been fifth since 2012/13, but not for much longer.

It is more of a chasm to the top four.

Chelsea (4th, 2372 points) to overtake Liverpool (3rd, 2407 points)

Since the end of the Treble season, Manchester United and Arsenal have comprised the top two of an all-time Premier League table at the close of each campaign.

Chelsea have come within a couple of results of breaking that duopoly, but an era of sustained incompetence has had them fall well off that pace and behind Liverpool.

The Blues and Reds have traded places relatively frequently in the hierarchy as the nearest challengers since that Manchester United and Arsenal stranglehold was established, but Liverpool have had a commanding lead for a few seasons.

Another shift in the power dynamic might be incoming; Chelsea have certainly looked the better side so far this season on an admittedly limited sample size. Perhaps not to the tune of 35 points, but then as many appear to have forgotten, they do have Moises Caicedo.

Brighton (23rd, 437 points) to overtake Stoke (22nd, 457 points) and West Brom (21st, 490 points)

As one of only eight current Premier League clubs never to be relegated from it, Brighton have steadily ascended the all-time ladder to reel in such luminaries as Norwich, Sheffield Wednesday and Wimbledon.

The Seagulls will have been in the Premier League for precisely as long as Stoke by the end of the season, and should comfortably surpass the Potters’ points total within that timeframe.

A loftier but still eminently achievable scalp would be that of West Brom, who accrued close to a point a game across 13 top-flight seasons.

In this, Brighton’s 10th Premier League campaign, a 58-point total would send them above the Baggies. Fabian Hurzeler beat that in his first season and is no longer a literal child, so it looks doable.

Bournemouth (25th, 413 points) and Nottingham Forest (24th, 420 points) to overtake Stoke (22nd, 457 points)

It could be a difficult season for Stoke, tracking for an 11th consecutive bottom-half finish across different divisions, and even being unseated on a historic level by two distinctly disparate Barclays outfits.

Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest have spent an equal number of seasons in the Premier League, despite only being in it simultaneously since their respective promotions in 2022. Both have subsequently flirted with relegation and qualified for European competition, and will expect to catch Stoke’s ten-campaign points total come what March, April or May.

Brentford (39th, 258 points) to overtake six clubs, including Swansea (33rd, 312 points)

Derby (274 points) are clinging on, much like Watford (285) and Portsmouth (293). But if, as expected, this Brentford form continues unabated, all of Birmingham (301), QPR (308) and Swansea are in trouble.

It might even be foolish to rule out Wigan (331) being caught at this juncture. And Charlton (361) are technically within reach – if Brentford win each of their remaining 35 games this season.

You know what to do, Keith Andrews.

Hull (42nd, 178 points) to overtake Sheffield United (41st, 225 points)

It’s what John Egan would’ve wanted.

According to reports, Richarlison has made a U-turn on trying to cancel his Tottenham Hotspur contract amid interest from Vasco da Gama.

Richarlison’s future at Tottenham is incredibly uncertain as he tries to secure a move elsewhere.

Before the English transfer window closed in the summer, Richarlison prevented Tottenham from signing Iliman Ndiaye because Everton failed to reach terms on a swap deal.

The experienced forward has since pushed for a move to Super Lig side Trabzonspor, but this did not progress before the Turkish transfer window closed.

Now, Richarlison is pushing for a move to Brazilian outfit Vasco, but all parties are running out of time to finalise a deal. This is because the transfer window in Brazil closes on Friday.

READ: Spurs win Premier League, Arsenal and Liverpool win Doubles as Poch fantasy taken to only logical conclusion

There was a dramatic twist in this saga on Thursday morning, with Brazilian journalist Raisa Simplico claiming he is trying to cancel his Tottenham contract.

Simplico said on X: ‘I just spoke with a member of Richarlison’s staff who confirmed to me that the player notified Tottenham about filing a request for unilateral termination with FIFA.

‘As I brought to you all yesterday, the English club demoted the player to play with the under-21s, in addition to not registering him in the Premier League. The case is similar to that of Renan Lodi, who left Al Hilal in this way and signed with Atlético-MG.’

Richarlison makes U-turn on Tottenham contract

Now, though, Brazilian outlet O Globo claims Richarlison has decided that he will not pursue a contract termination at this stage, partly because it risked derailing negotiations between Tottenham and Vasco.

However, there is still work to do for an agreement to be reached, with it also noted that Tottenham have rejected Vasco’s €10m offer for Richarlison because they are holding out for €20m.

The report later notes that Vasco are prepared to ‘stretch’ their offer, but it remains to be seen whether it will be enough to get a deal over the line, as there is still a significant valuation gap.

Still, Vasco president Admar Lopes has told Globo Esporte that they have been in talks with Tottenham over signing Richarlison.

“We understand that Richarlison would change Vasco’s offensive level. We studied all the possibilities. At this moment, we are talking with the English club and there is viability in having Richarlison in this transfer window,” he said.

“Legally, if there is a termination of the contract between the player and Tottenham, it has nothing to do with Vasco. Legally, we are not involved. You have to ask the player and his representatives.”

Motivation takes many forms, but few methods are as fast-acting or hard-hitting as the Tottenham Hotspur Effect.

Cody Gakpo is the latest player to benefit from the uptick in form that inevitably follows a summer spent stewing over the prospect of being packed off to Spurs.

Things at Liverpool looked bleak for the Netherlands winger. The Reds were willing to sell him – just not to a club they consider a genuine threat.

Liverpool were also clear in their intent to replace Gakpo; they signed two wingers for a possible combined total of £158million and would have liked another.

The writing was on the Anfield wall for Gakpo. But rather than sulk, the 27-year-old has knuckled down to prove his worth.

Not only has Gakpo been Liverpool’s best player this season, he’s been one of the Premier League’s most-impressive performers.

Granted, the season is only three games old and a wider body of work is required to show how long-lasting the Tottenham Hotspur Effect can be. But Gakpo’s form, so far, vindicates Liverpool’s reluctance to move decisively for another winger to follow Bradley Barcola and Victor Munoz through the door while the window was closing.

“I had no doubt with Cody. He has been very, very good,” said Andoni Iraola after the win over Ipswich. We’re not swallowing the first sentence but no one can argue with the second.

The Reds boss continued: “All pre-season, and he has started very well this season, producing numbers.”

Indeed. The simplest, most important being one goal and three assists in three games.

Gakpo’s start is even more impressive given the numbers and the context offered by our friends at Gradient Sports. They rank the forward as Liverpool’s best player this season and third-best among the 362 players to have played in the Premier League this term.

Let us explain: Gradient’s dynamic player rankings combine two key indicators: Overall Grade and Impact Score. Overall Grade indicates how well a player executes the skills most important to their position; Impact Score tells us how frequently a player delivers the outcomes most important to their position.

So while Virgil van Dijk is graded slightly above Gakpo, the forward’s impact score puts him ahead of the captain on the Liverpool list.

Liverpool player rankings – Premier League 2026/27

Overall Grade: 82.7 Impact Score: 8.6 Premier League ranking: 3/362

Overall Grade: 83.0 Impact Score: 7.2 Premier League ranking: 25/362

Overall Grade: 71.2 Impact Score: 7.9 Premier League ranking: 29/362

Overall Grade: 62.3 Impact Score: 8.1 Premier League ranking: 58/362

Overall Grade: 73.9 Impact Score: 7.3 Premier League ranking: 83/362

Gakpo’s Impact Score of 8.6 is not only the best at Liverpool – it is the highest across the Premier League.

Jack Hinselwood, Bruno Fernandes and Florian Wirtz are in a three-way tie for second narrowly behind Gakpo on 8.5, with Martin Odegaard, Erling Haaland and Morgan Rogers just trail them on 8.4.

Gakpo’s Premier League-high of three assists will be a major factor in the forward’s Impact Score.

Looking at his grades for how Gakpo has executed the skills most important to his position, the forward is in the Premier League top 10 for crossing (fifth among forwards overall), ball carrying (second overall) and shooting (10th overall).

The close attention that comes from playing on Liverpool’s flank doesn’t concern Gakpo. Among Premier League forwards, he ranks top for pressured crossing and sixth for pressured shooting.

Gakpo misses out on the top 10 forwards for passing and 50/50 duels – but only just. He ranks 11th for both.

The overall Premier League rankings highlight the key performers in the strong starts made by Manchester City and Arsenal…

Premier League player rankings – top 10: 2026/27

Overall Grade: 84.3 (7th overall in PL) Impact Score: 8.5 (3rd overall in PL)

Overall Grade: 88.9 (2nd) Impact Score: 8.2 (8th)

Overall Grade: 87.1 (4th) Impact Score: 8.1 (10th)

Overall Grade: 88.8 (3rd) Impact Score: 7.8 (28th)

Overall Grade: 82.5 (14th) Impact Score: 8.3 (6th)

Overall Grade: 81.1 (22nd) Impact Score: 8.3 (7th)

Overall Grade: 85.1 (6th) Impact Score: 7.9 (22nd)

Overall Grade: 91.0 (1st) Impact Score: 7.4 (outside top 50)

Some of today’s maddest-looking headlines are in fact absolutely legit due to Mauricio Pochettino doing a madness.

But there’s also a hypothetical crisis gripping Arsenal and putting everything they’re aiming to achieve in grave peril, as long as you ignore the fact it hasn’t actually happened.

There’s also news of a Marinakis sacking at this early stage of proceedings and a supercomputer already in the mud at this early stage of proceedings.

Title deeds

While it can be good fun for us all when someone in football says something ridiculous, we do wish people were more willing to stop and consider that it can be extremely distressing for Mediawatch. What are we supposed to do when all the big football sites have top stories with insane headlines that are an entirely fair and accurate reflection of the actual words someone has said?

For f*ck sake, Poch.

We can’t do anything with any of these. Not this one from The Sun, for whom top spot on their football homepage is normally reserved for proper major football news like Erling Haaland’s caravan or Freddie Flintoff’s house.

TITLE BLUES: Mauricio Pochettino sensationally demands Chelsea are STRIPPED of 2017 Premier League title and Spurs given it instead

Or this Mirror effort:

“THEY BROKE THE RULES!” Pochettino demands Chelsea are STRIPPED of title over transfer breaches – and says Spurs should be champions

We suppose we could have a little chortle about the Daily Mail and their endless fondness for headline pith…

Chelsea should be STRIPPED of their last Premier League title – with Tottenham crowned instead, says Mauricio Pochettino… as he reveals Spurs DID contact him earlier this year and he WOULD have gone back even if they’d been relegated

…but really what’s the point?

Even the Daily Star have decided Poch’s pronouncements are big enough to knock their staple ‘jaw-dropping WAG’ content out of top spot.

Arsenal in CRISIS

But while here at F365 we’ve been very busy mucking about with stuff that hasn’t happened thanks to Mauricio Pochettino, let it never be said we’re the only ones to over-indulge in hypothetical nonsense.

Take, for instance, this sky-falling-in panic attack from football.london prompted by Arsenal winning their opening Champions League game of the season to maintain a 100 per cent start to the season in all competitions.

New Arsenal injury fear emerges with Premier League and Champions League hopes in peril

Yes, peril and fear definitely seem like the correct emotions to be feeling right now about the defending Premier League champions and last season’s Champions League runners-up who have, and we can’t stress this enough, won all of their matches so far this season, including games against a top-four team from last season, a local rival widely regarded as major title challengers this season, and a team that has two Serie A titles and a runner-up finish in the last four seasons.

After another Martin Odegaard masterclass, we wouldn’t quite say Tom Canton’s glass is half-empty. It’s just that what it’s half-full of is warm p*ss.

He most definitely is now fit, but the concern that this game throws up is the question of what if he or others are not.

Then Arsenal would be slightly less good, as is the case for all teams when their best players are not available. And remember; the headline describes this ‘What if the best players get injured, though?!!!?’ as a new fear.

But I cannot help but fear if any of Odegaard, Havertz, Saka or Tzolis are to suffer an injury, even just one, just how much of a drop would be experienced.

If one of those players is injured, then Arsenal would have no choice but to call upon the striker they spent £60m on just over a year ago. Or the winger they spent £50m on just over a year ago. Or the number 10 they spent £60m on just over a year ago. Or… well, you get the idea with that.

This might be the most first-world problem in first-world-problem history. Mediawatch also cannot sleep at night for worrying about what might become of Arsenal if they have to use some of their £60m substitutes for some games as a result of an injury crisis that – and we simply cannot stress this enough – hasn’t actually happened.

There’s a sensational pay-off, though, to a piece that has spent almost its entire time sh*tting bricks about a crisis that hasn’t happened.

Sunderland comes next, another team, like Aston Villa, the Gunners failed to beat last season away from home. This time however, the vibe has shifted and the optimism has grown.

A shifted vibe? A grown optimism? But what about the fear, man? What about the peril?

Olympic meddle

Artfully done by The Sun, this. Although we’re not sure you can really ALL-CAP an ordinal suffix, even when the number is undeniably absurd.

Nottingham Forest owner Evangelos Marinakis sacks his 25TH manager in 16 years just seven games into club’s season

Even Mediawatch was briefly intrigued before remembering Nottingham Forest are not the only club where Mr Marinakis indulges his Main Character Energy. He’s also head honcho at Rio Ave and Olympiacos, and it is at the Greek club where he has satisfied his thirst for manager sackings.

Jose Luis Mendilibar has paid a heavy, heavy price for only winning two of the first three league games of the season on the back of a domestic treble last year as well as being the last manager of a non-English club to win one of the Thursday Euro pots back in 2024.

To be fair, it was long overdue. It had been two-and-a-half years since he’d canned an Olympiacos manager, and that is so not Marinakis rhythms.

What’s really interesting, though, is whether this is good news or bad news for Forest and Oliver Glasner. Having fed on a manager, while Marinakis now rest awhile? Or will he have a renewed taste for it?

Gala pie

Remember the supercomputer that came up with an outlandish final order for the Champions League league phase? Yeah? With un unbeaten Galatasaray taking second place behind Real Madrid and four of England’s five teams heading into the play-off round?

Are we above noting that Galatasaray’s hopes of an unbeaten run through the league games is already over after matchday one? No, we are not.

Sabah ranks

Sniffy stuff from Samuel Luckhurst in The Sun ahead of Manchester United’s return to the Champions League for the first time in over 1000 days against Sabah tonight.

In a piece largely spent lamenting United’s wretched record in the competition since reaching three finals in four years between 2008 and 2011, Luckhurst nonetheless notes:

This campaign marks United’s first foray into the Champions League since the format change in 2024, but they have been saddled with a tie that resembles the Europa League or Conference League.

There are two teams (and, in fairness, a day of the week) giving this fixture all the Europa vibes, fella.

Richarlison has reportedly asked FIFA to step in to grant him a Tottenham exit after the striker was excluded from their Premier League squad for this season.

The Brazilian striker was expected to leave the club in the summer and came close to joining former club Everton as part of a deal that would have seen Iliman Ndiaye move to Spurs.

Ndiaye ended up at Manchester City while Richarlison failed to agree terms with the Toffees, and interest from Turkish side Trabzonspor also came to nothing.

Asked about his exclusion from Tottenham’s 25-man squad and his demotion to train with the Under-21s, manager Roberto De Zerbi insisted last week that it was not his call.

“It was not my decision. It is the normal decision,” said De Zerbi.

“I think Richarlison, he decided everything alone. He spoke with me at the beginning of pre-season. He told me his idea, his desire was to leave.

“In the end, we went to bring another striker, and like I said at the start of pre-season, I want to keep only the players who want to stay with pride and the right passion to stay here. Then, for other problems, it’s not my business. It’s the job of the club.

“I can’t say nothing, because I didn’t decide anything. The message of Richarlison from the beginning of pre-season has been very clear, and I accepted that.”

Now Richarlison has reportedly agreed terms with Vasco da Gama, who made the striker their top target when it became clear he wasn’t part of Spurs’ plans this term.

The Brazilian side don’t have the means to sign him on a permanent deal and a loan isn’t possible as Tottenham can’t sanction another international loan because they have reached FIFA’s limit.

Pape Matar Sarr and Guglielmo Vicario (Juventus), Radu Dragusin (Fiorentina), Souza (Porto), Kota Takai (Sint-Truiden) and Min-hyeok Yang (Westerlo) have effectively blocked his exit.

Even if Vasco could stump up the cash for his transfer, time is very much against them with the Brazilian transfer window closing on Friday.

Richarlison asks FIFA to step in

And so, Richarlison has taken matters into his own hands, according to Brazilian journalist Raisa Simplico, who’s revealed on X that the 29-year-old has asked FIFA to step in to allow him to terminate his contract.

She wrote: ‘I just spoke with a member of Richarlison’s staff who confirmed to me that the player notified Tottenham about filing a request for unilateral termination with FIFA.

‘As I brought to you all yesterday, the English club demoted the player to play with the under-21s, in addition to not registering him in the Premier League. The case is similar to that of Renan Lodi, who left Al Hilal in this way and signed with Atlético-MG.’

Very obviously, here at F365 we have simply nothing better to do with our lives than write vast reams of guff about tish and sometimes even fipsy.

We take great delight, for instance, in writing several thousand words about things that haven’t happened and won’t happen. Every time someone talks about Man City’s charges, we gleefully set out to redistribute all the pots and pans they’ve won by bloody cheating, thinking nothing of spending several of the precious hours we are granted on this earth and can never get back to crafting 4000 words of nonsense with the primary goal of managing to give Spurs a trophy.

But that’s us. We’re idiots. That’s absolutely fine. It’s not beneath us to behave in such dignityphobic fashion. But do you know who it should be beneath? Actual football people. And yet, here we are, with Mauricio Pochettino actually saying out loud with his mouth that Spurs should be awarded the 2016/17 Premier League title because of Chelsea’s assorted antics.

That’s all the encouragement we need. The 74 charges against Chelsea are from the Abramovich Era. Surely, though, it can’t be fair or rational or correct or right to simply reallocate every single one of the 21 trophies Chelsea won in that time? To quote the great Mick McCarthy: it can. It is quite literally the only rational course of action at this point.

Let’s go.

Chelsea entered the League Cup in round three and we really, really can’t be arsed to imagine what might have happened had they had to do round two due to not being in Europe. We may be the sort of maniac willing to spend all day trying to extricate Chelsea from the last two decades of English football, but even we have our limits.

So, round three where they beat London rivals West Ham 1-0 at Stamford Bridge. That tie is now a walkover for the happy Hammers, who face Newcastle in the last 16. With West Ham in the Championship that season, the chances are it would be Premier League Newcastle who progress. We never said this would be foolproof.

On go the Toon to the quarter-finals, then, and a trip to Fulham. Now this one’s tough to call: they finished on the same number of Premier League points – 44 – and each had a convincing away win in their league encounters. Fulham won 4-1 at St James’ Park and Newcastle 3-1 at Craven Cottage. As this hypothetical League Cup clash is at the Cottage, we’re going to have to go with the visitors.

So it’s onwards to a two-legged semi-final against Manchester United for Newcastle. And this one’s nice and easy. Newcastle lost home and away to Manchester United in the Premier League, and thus Sir Alex Ferguson’s side set up a humdinger of a final against Liverpool.

United finished 19 points clear of Liverpool in the league and so are clear winners here because there is quite simply no way the Liverpool side of 2005 was capable of pulling off something extraordinarily unlikely in a cup final.

New winners: Manchester United

Nice and easy, this one. Arsenal’s Invincibles may not have matched the history-making exploits of the previous season but with Chelsea’s 95 illegitimate points struck from the record the Gunners still defend their title with some ease. Expunging their draws against Chelsea leaves Arsenal with 81 points from their 36 games, still four clear of Manchester United despite Sir Fergie’s side losing home and away to the dastardly Blues.

FA Cup winners Arsenal also therefore claim The Double while Everton finish third and Liverpool fourth – thus avoiding all that unpleasant awkwardness of needing to squeeze five English clubs into the following season’s Champions League.

Worth noting that we also lose one of the only interesting thing about the already settled 26/27 Premier League title race, which will now not in fact be the first time Arsenal have defended the league title since the 1930s. Sorry about that.

New winners: Arsenal

With Arsenal now holding both the league title and FA Cup, they take on Premier League runners-up Manchester United in the Traditional Season Curtain Raiser. Now picking a winner here is slightly tricky because not only is it not a real major trophy, it’s also not even really a proper competitive match. It is the original and greatest of Glorified Friendlies (not that anything is particularly friendly when these two sides meet, Clive!!!!1!!one!). Luckily, Arsenal and Manchester United’s dominance in the years preceding Chelsea’s rouble-powered arrival at the top table gives us a pretty reasonable Charity/Community Shield form guide to use. They had met in four of the previous seven such showpieces and Arsenal had won three – including in 2004 – while United’s sole victory came on penalties in 2003. The data is firmly in the Gunners’ favour here.

New winners: Arsenal

The first real bit of fun. Up to now we’ve just been inflating the already bountiful trophy counts of the two most successful clubs of the immediate pre-Abramovich era. It in some way explains – if not excuses – why the British football media largely turned a blind eye to what had turned Chelsea into such a force. They and everyone else had grown bored of the United-Arsenal duopoly and here was a new challenger led by the charming and endlessly quotable Jose Mourinho before he became an embittered parody account of himself. But it turns out we didn’t need Chelsea and their billions to generate a media-pleasing narrative.

Although Manchester United finished second, they foolishly picked up three of their 83 points against Mourinho’s men. Third-placed Liverpool were not so daft, shrewdly collecting all their 82 points from teams whose entirely unproblematic ownership would not cause a single issue 20 years down the line.

Thus Liverpool’s long wait for a league title ends at a mere 16 years and Rafa Benitez follows up his Champions League success of the previous year with a domestic Double to firmly cement his place among the absolute greats. He also probably never has that “facts” rant, or manages Newcastle. Or Everton.

Spurs, meanwhile, spend the final day of the season cheerfully vomiting their way to an irrelevant defeat at West Ham, having long since secured a top-four finish and a first foray into the Champions League.

New winners: Liverpool

Okay, we are starting to regret heading down this road now. Twenty-one trophies is a lot, isn’t it? This is a very, very longwinded way to poke fun at Chelsea (and, let’s be honest, Poch) when we could have just sent a snarky tweet instead. We only did this because it was going to be funny to give Spurs a Premier League title. Look forward to that in about 3000 words’ time.

Anyway. Another year, another League Cup win for Mourinho and co. So who ends up with everyone’s favourite inexplicably three-handled trophy this time around now it turns out Chelsea don’t count?

The Blues kicked things off in round three with a 2-0 win over Blackburn, who now instead get a walkover to meet Aston Villa. Remarkably, we’re once again left to separate two very evenly-matched sides in this all-Premier League clash. Blackburn finished that season in 10th with 52 points, with Villa one spot and two points behind.

But the head-to-heads give us a clear winner here, Villa doing a league double over their mid-table rivals and thus easing into the quarter-finals of a tournament taking place entirely in our increasingly damaged head.

Here they meet Newcastle and it’s a win apiece from their league games that season. Villa get the victory here, though, thanks to being nine points better off in the league. It’s as fair as we can make it.

So Villa now find themselves in the semi-final against plucky League Two giantkillers Wycombe, and we have to imagine it’s the Villans who win this day.

Arsenal against Villa in the final, then. The Gunners were demonstrably the better side and although their league matches were tight, it was Arsenal who took four points from their encounters thanks to a 1-1 draw at Highbury and a 1-0 win at Villa Park. Another pot finds itself heading Wenger’s way.

New winners: Arsenal

Another cup. Great. Come on, let’s rattle through the formalities before inevitably ending up with more silverware for Arsenal or United.

Macclesfield are our first big winners, not only by reaching round four but also having a 6-1 drubbing officially* struck from the record books. Sadly, that’s as good as it gets for Macc, who bow out to Nottingham Forest.

League One Forest are promptly dispatched in the last 16 by Championship Norwich, who lose out to Tottenham in the quarter-finals.

That leaves Spurs taking on Blackburn in the last four. Both their league encounters ended in draws, so that doesn’t help. In theory, we should now side with Spurs because they were fifth and Blackburn 10th.

However, we’re only trying to remove Chelsea from football history here, not pretend football history itself doesn’t exist entirely. And the simple fact is this: Tottenham do not win FA Cup semi-finals. Not since 1991 have they done so. They have lost eight in the intervening 35 years. Some of those defeats have been against decent Arsenal, Manchester United and, yes, Chelsea sides. But some were against Portsmouth and Everton and Newcastle. They can’t reasonably be handed an FA Cup semi-final win against anyone. Thus it is Blackburn who progress and get spanked by , sigh, Manchester United in the first FA Cup final at the new Wembley.

New winners: Manchester United

*Not actually official

Chelsea needed a replay – eh, here, who remembers replays?! Eh? Hey? Anyone? You sir, you look like a man who remembers replays – to get past Southend in round three. The Shrimpers don’t need a replay to skip past the no-longer-there Chelsea, but they come undone against Ipswich in the last 32.

Ipswich then head to Watford for an all-Championship clash so once again to the league results we go for an unimpeachably accurate and reliable guide to what would definitely happen in this fictitious encounter, because if there’s one thing that keeps us coming back to football time and again it’s the sure and certain knowledge that exactly what you expect to happen based on factors is always what will happen. This is also why all bookmakers are poor.

Anyway, four points for Watford in their league games against Ipswich so on they go to the quarter-finals and wouldn’t you know it – another clash with Championship opposition. (As an aside, this whole nonsense isn’t doing much to quieten the conspiracy theory that Chelsea always get easy cup draws.)

Coventry this time; Watford beat them home and away in the league so we have to go with the Hornets again in this one. Sadly that’s where the fun must end for our brave Championship heroes as they come unstuck against Arsenal, who you have to believe then beat Everton in the final much as Chelsea did (2-1, from behind) in the darkest timeline that we are at last putting right. Everton finished fifth to Arsenal’s fourth so they can be reasonably expected to have put up a fight but ultimately Arsenal sometimes win trophies and Everton in the 21st century do not. Unsurprisingly, it’s another pot for one of the Big Two whose fun in our dimension had been so rudely intruded upon by those ghastly nouveau riche rotters from the Bridge.

New winners: Arsenal

That sets up yet another Manchester United v Arsenal Community Shield and we’ve already established what happens in those. More quasi-glory for the Gunners here to begin their season.

New winners: Arsenal

Under the watchful gaze of Carlo Ancelotti’s eyebrow, Chelsea pipped Manchester United to the title by a single point with Arsenal a further 10 adrift. Straightforward here, then. It’s another Premier League medal for Fergie to chuck on his massive, massive Scrooge McDuck-style pile of Premier League medals. We’re rattling through these now. Good stuff, and in no way do we feel we’ve wasted our ever-dwindling time on this planet by spending 2,000 words awarding pretty much all Chelsea’s trophies to either Arsenal or Manchester United. No siree. In other news: Manchester City qualify for the Champions League for the first time despite a 1-0 home defeat to fellow qualifiers Spurs, who are by this point old hands in the Big Cup now, of course, and set for their third appearance having also qualified in 2006 and 2008.

New winners: Manchester United

Now I know we’ve gone through other cup competitions (reasonably) methodically (shut up, we have) to come up with whole new routes to the finals and such, but we’re not f***ing about here. The real-life beaten finalists Portsmouth get this one and that’s all there is to it. Wigan have subsequently shown that the Relegation-FA Cup Double is perfectly doable. Portsmouth now just happen to get there a few years earlier. Mainly, though, we just want to take a trophy off Chelsea and hand it to a side managed by Avram Grant.

New winners: Portsmouth

Portsmouth profit once again from Chelsea’s demise, this time thanks to a third-round bye and no 4-0 twatting at Stamford Bridge. They go no further this time, though, as a return to our hard-and-fast ‘no shocks’ rule that we just flew into the sun means the Championship side lose out to a just-about Premier League QPR in the next round, as do Birmingham in round five.

Into the quarter-finals where we find ourselves typing the sentence about (fictitious, admittedly) events of almost exactly one decade ago that QPR would obviously beat Leicester because there are no upsets here. That throws up a semi-final against Tottenham and another problem. On the one hand, there’s our ‘no upsets’ rule. On the other, there’s life’s ‘Spurs don’t win FA Cup semi-finals’ rule. Given Spurs lost to a Portsmouth side that actually did get relegated two seasons earlier, we’re comfortable enough with the fact a QPR side that just about stayed up would also have done them over after extra-time. And then got royally spangled by Liverpool in the final.

New winners: Liverpool

Obviously they don’t even get to be in it, their second-place Premier League finish in 2010/11 no longer being a thing. In a nice twist, our fantasy world propels fifth-placed Spurs into the Champions League. They take Arsenal’s spot in the play-off round to very probably bollocks things up against Udinese. Tough draw, that. Arsenal move up to take City’s spot, and City take Chelsea’s. Obviously none of this really translates perfectly because of seedings and coefficients and whatnot but this long ago stopped being a thing that made any kind of sense and became a lengthy cry for help. So City go into a group with Bayer Leverkusen, Valencia and Genk. Given they failed to get out of a group containing Bayern and Napoli we’re not quite sure whether they negotiate Chelsea’s but we reckon they probably pip Valencia to second because why not.

Bayer Leverkusen are our group winners, then, and into Chelsea’s knockout path they go. Napoli beat Chelsea 3-1 in the first leg of their last-16 clash and we’re damn sure they’re not making such a mess of that in a return leg against a Leverkusen side who in real life lost 10-2 on aggregate to Barcelona.

So Napoli against Benfica in the last eight. Who wins that one? Don’t know, don’t care, because either way they lose to Barcelona in the last four as the Gary Neville goalgasm disappears into the ether. Given the way Bayern Munich shat it with home advantage against Chelsea in real life, there’s no way they get the better of a peak Barcelona.

New winners: Barcelona

Fiddly as f*** this, if we’re going to do it remotely properly, given Chelsea dropped in from the Champions League. Even in the real world, this is a tournament Chelsea weren’t in at the start of the season so what are we supposed to do in our counterfactual one? A load of research and number-crunching and a whole new group stage and knockout bracket? Or just hand it to Sevilla on the basis that it’s a Europa League and that’s who mainly won Europa Leagues at that time? Yeah, you know it’s the second one.

Naysayers may point out that Sevilla weren’t even in the 2012/13 Europa League having finished a lowly ninth in the 2011/12 La Liga table, but to those people I say ‘Ah! But the butterfly effect, ah!’. Yeah, we’re now so deep into this that we can completely have our cake and eat it whenever we choose.

So sweeping are the changes to 21st century football history that we’ve made, and so entwined in the continental game was Abramovich’s club, who knows what effect the non-flapping of Chelsea’s now non-existent wings might have had on the 2011/12 La Liga season? Could it have somehow magicked Sevilla up to sixth? Absolutely yes. Would Sevilla have then gone on to win the following season’s Europa League. Of course they would.

New winners: Sevilla

Back to reality. Well, not reality, but an ever so slightly less unhinged and absurd fantasy world. Bolton get the third-round bye here, and then promptly sort out Shrewsbury next.

That’s the end of the line for the Trotters, though. It’s fellow Championship side Derby next up; they beat Bolton home and away by an aggregate score of 6-1 that season so are clearly going through in this one. But don’t celebrate too much, Derby fans. It’s Liverpool in the semi-finals and over two legs the Premier League class will surely tell.

That gives us Liverpool v Tottenham and with our 2026 hats on it seems straightforward, doesn’t it? But 2015 was a different time. Spurs finished above Liverpool, as they often did until really quite recently. Don’t worry, though, the world doesn’t spin completely off its axes. Liverpool beat Spurs home and away in the league and given that Spurs’ record in League Cup finals is starting to approach that of their FA Cup semi-finals (see above), it is an easy one to give to Liverpool. Even in a fantasy world, you’d have to be a pretty major embarrassing shambles of a big club to lose a cup final to Spurs.

New winners: Liverpool

Another nice easy one to reallocate. Second-placed Manchester City lose their two draws against Chelsea in our universe, but third-placed Arsenal drop four points from the Blues’ disappearance to fall further behind our new champions. That makes it three titles in four years for Manchester City, an astonishing level of dominance that could clearly never occur in a world that still contains Chelsea.

New winners: Manchester City

Here we, here we, here we f***ing go. Tottenham Hotspur are Premier League champions. Never mind your Leicester Cities, here’s a real miracle fairytale as Spurs’ final season at the old White Hart Lane ends with a first league title since 1961 and Mauricio Pochettino in floods of tears hugging all the dignitaries and slightly embarrassed former players wheeled out for the occasion.

They’re handy winners, too, which is why we can’t even find a plausible way to Spursy them out of it. While Chelsea finished seven points clear of Spurs, Pochettino’s men were another eight in front of absolutely everyone else. Even when you remove a 2-0 home win over Chelsea from Tottenham’s record, there is still simply no catching them.

New winners: Tottenham

Norwich get the third-round bye here – and fair enough because the Championship side took Antonio Conte’s defending Premier League champions all the way through a replay and to penalties in the real world version.

That’s the end of that, though, because Premier League Newcastle and the ‘no upsets’ rule await in round four. Newcastle duly dispatch another Championship side, Hull, in round five to set up a quarter-final clash with Leicester.

Not for the first time, our make-believe reality gives us a fascinating, tough-to-call contest. They finished ninth and tenth in the league and each won away from home by a single goal in their league meetings. Leicester finished three points above Newcastle, though, so they narrowly get the vote. But only after extra-time and penalties, quarter-final replays having been scrapped.

Leicester face Southampton in the last four, a side they took four points from in league combat including a 4-1 away win. They face Manchester United in the final and while Leicester have proved themselves well capable of pulling a Manchester club’s pants down, we have to go with the rulebook. Well, we don’t have to, as we’ve established in numerous previous examples of us just doing whatever we wanted. Man United drew at the King Power and beat Leicester 2-0 at Old Trafford, and that’s precisely the sort of superiority that absolutely cannot be upended in a Wembley final. Remember, months before beating City in the Community Shield final Leicester also gave them a 5-2 pasting at the Etihad in that brief, glorious and confusing period in the early stages of last season when all the results went mad for a bit. The rulebook would account for Leicester beating City last campaign; it cannot do so against United in 2018. Much as we’d like it to.

New winners: Manchester United

How do Chelsea only win Europa Leagues when Sevilla aren’t there? Even we have enough dignity and semblance of standards not to give Sevilla a second win in a tournament they weren’t in. And at least this time things are slightly easier because Chelsea were in the tournament from the start rather than dropping in from the big boys’ cup.

Chelsea qualified for the Europa League twice over in real life, having finished fifth and won the FA Cup. We’ve removed them from both those competitions, so that makes a mess. With Champions League qualifiers United now the FA Cup holders, that spot still goes to the side in seventh, which is Everton. Burnley join Arsenal in the group stages and, technically we should now move Arsenal into Chelsea’s pathway. But as they ended up meeting in the final anyway that all seems like a huge effort for no real benefit. Leave them be, and plonk Burnley into Chelsea’s place and Everton into Burnley’s. Far easier, but you can see why we just wanted to be able to give it to Sevilla. Everton we can at least get rid of pretty easily. They, like Burnley in the real world, would definitely have gone out to Olympiacos in the play-off round because that’s just a very Everton thing to do.

Burnley now inherit an almost sarcastically Europa group that was once Chelsea’s: BATE Borisov, Vidi and PAOK. We reckon Burnley could definitely have come second behind real-world runners-up BATE here. But that sends BATE into the Chelsea path, so that is who interests us now.

They are immediately sorted out by Malmo in the last 32, who in turn lose to Dynamo Kyiv in the last 16. They then come unstuck against Slavia Prague and it’s Eintracht Frankfurt who prevail against them in a tense and nervy two-legged semi-final.

While England no longer boasts all four European finalists they still have both winners as Arsenal win just the third continental pot in their history.

New winners: Arsenal

Leicester qualify in Chelsea’s place and we can’t be bothered to put them anywhere else in the draw but Chelsea’s spot. Coefficients be damned. Oh and look who we’ve got in the group stage here. F***ing Sevilla. Where were you when we needed you in the 2018/19 Europa League, eh? Still, never mind. Their European savvy is too much for Leicester, who finish second. Chelsea’s path becomes Sevilla’s, though, and we can tell you right now before we go any further that if this ends up with Sevilla winning the thing we’re going to get cross.

Oh wait, it’s worse. Chelsea played Atletico Madrid in the last 16 and Sevilla can’t play Atleti in the last 16. Cock it, let’s say Leicester win the group after all. Sevilla’s natural home is the Europa. They could easily have made a mess of this. Well done Leicester, you win the group. Bad luck, Leicester, you now lose to Atleti. So, too, do Porto in the last eight and now we have a blockbuster semi-final between the two Madrid clubs. We could look at that season’s La Liga games between them – Atleti obviously won La Liga as we know – but really there’s no need. We know what happens when the two Madrid teams meet in the Champions League. Real Madrid win in the most knife-twistingly painful manner imaginable. And while Real Madrid might not any longer be quite the side that won this bad boy four years in a row, that record is enough to give them the edge in a nervy, tense final against a Manchester City side that, for all its class, is still looking to break its duck at this most exalted of levels.

New winners: Real Madrid

Why couldn’t the previous 19 have all been as easy as this? Of course Real Madrid beat Villarreal to win this one. What kind of shambles of a side would you have to be not to beat Villarreal with UEFA silverware at stake?

New winners: Real Madrid

Mauricio Pochettino believes Chelsea should be stripped of their 2016/17 Premier League title for breaching financial rules and the gong retrospectively awarded to Tottenham.

Chelsea were fined £10m and £10.75m by the FA and Premier League respectively and handed a suspended two-window transfer ban for multiple violations in the Roman Abramovich era.

The BlueCo owners self-reported the breaches when they took over in the hope of avoiding more serious punishment, including a points deduction, and indeed being stripped of titles.

The Blues were found to have used unlicensed agents and obscure the nature of their transfer business between 2009 and 2022, including the deals to bring Eden Hazard, Willian and other players to the club who were key to their triumph under Antonio Conte in the 2016/17 season.

Pochettino, who later went on to manage Chelsea in the 2023/24 season, led Spurs to second that season – seven points behind the Blues – and believes the authorities failed to hand down an appropriate punishment.

“We should win one Premier League, we should have been awarded it,” Pochettino said. “If that [Chelsea’s rule-break] was true, then we deserve to be champions that year, for sure. They were punished, they admitted it? So that’s it. The title should be for the team that was second.

“We can say that they scored goals, they won games. OK. But it’s completely fair to say that we didn’t compete before the start of the season with the same card. Maybe with the same rules, we could’ve signed some players that would have made the team better or scored more goals.”

READ: Estevao has ‘had enough’ at Chelsea after brutal Alonso, Palmer reactions vs Leeds

‘If you broke the rules then ciao’

It was put to Pochettino that Hazard was particularly pivotal to the 2016/17 title win as he scored 16 goals that season.

“Maybe yes,” Pochettino replied. “I have no doubt and I’m not scared to say the truth. The Chelsea fans will be upset with me. But if we were at Tottenham and broke the rules, I’d admit the same: ‘We don’t deserve the title because we broke the rules.’

“It’s impossible if only some clubs play with offside and another plays with no offside. Or one plays with VAR and another plays with no VAR. For everyone it needs to be the same rules. And then you have the capacity to create the best team.

“I don’t say that Chelsea didn’t play well, that Conte was not great. I don’t say that. I don’t want the message to be twisted. But if you broke the rules then ciao – you need to give it to another team. I don’t know why that didn’t happen. What is being promoted and incentivised is to break the rules. If you don’t punish in the way that you need to punish, I say: ‘Yeah … I lost my job [at Spurs] because we didn’t win a title.’”

Long, long ago, back when the phrase ‘social media’ would have implied your best friend was a radio, there was another term doing the rounds. Its acronym was ABU: Anyone but United.

Everyone knows the story – Alex Ferguson was a bit meh for a few years, pressure was building, Mark Robins scored a goal, a corner was turned, and various iterations of Manchester United won almost everything for the next 20 years.

For fans of other clubs, it was a pain in the arse to watch United win all the time. And then buy all the best players from their rivals. Not that Arsenal or Chelsea were satisfying alternatives, but at least when they did win, it was someone else. Anybody else. ABU.

In many cases, anger or resentment comes from longing, and fans of every team in England secretly wished to be at the level of United. Although they never admitted it. “It must be boring to win all the time cos their fans have nothing to look forward to.” Yup, that reasoning definitely made us feel better.

As a fan of Tottenham in the 1990s and 2000s, the idea of being on Manchester United’s level was a pipedream. And even though the clubs were getting closer on the pitch in the 2010s, there was still a large gulf between the two. However, it’s only taken until the mid-2020s to say that finally, Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur are on the same plane.

Now, they’re clearly both equally sh*t teams, but there’s another factor at play. This summer, Spurs signed two of United’s three midfield targets while City took the other. Tottenham don’t ever sign players United want. And certainly shouldn’t do so a month after avoiding relegation while United qualified for the Champions League.

Arguing about which club is bigger or better is nothing more than a willy-waving exercise, but one thing that is always true is that the best players end up at the best teams. Real, Barca, Bayern, PSG, Man City and Liverpool appear to be the six who can attract the very best players right now in 2026.

Manchester United were part of that top echelon of teams once. Now they can’t outbid Spurs or convince players like Sandro Tonali or Mateus Fernandes that their futures lie at Old Trafford. If this were a decade ago, Spurs would have taken a punt on Andrey Santos, and Fernandes would have gone to United.

This levelling-out has been in the works for two seasons, back when Manchester United and Tottenham fought it out with West Ham over 15th, 16th and 17th. They then took part in a Europa League final featuring a winning goal so ugly only a blind mother could love it. That goal was the perfect representation of both teams right then. And more so now.

Since the David Moyes experiment ended, and he wrongly took all the blame, the feeling was that United were always one good managerial appointment and a couple of players away from being back on their perch. But it’s been 12 years and they aren’t. And they’ve fallen further from it. Aside from owning a creaking stadium and being led by a manager above his station, United can’t compete for players anymore, either.

Look at that team they put out against Everton at the weekend. Lammens, the entire back four, one of the middle two, Rashford; switch the kits with seven equivalent Everton players and the game probably still ends 2-2. Look at the United bench: Dorgu, Zirkzee, Mount, Darlow, Mazraoui. Woof.

Would it surprise anyone if, in three year’s time, those five bench names were respectively plying their trade at Fulham, Manchester United, Sky Sports, Chelsea, Colorado Rapids?

Yeah, Bruno is fantastic. Cunha, Mbeumo and Mainoo are good. And apparently, JJ Gabriel is gonna be brilliant some day. Is that really it, though?

The majority of people under 25 won’t remember United being one of the best teams in England. In the same way, fans in the 2000s didn’t remember Everton as a big team. The fear of playing Manchester United at home is completely gone, as is the trepidation of travelling to Old Trafford. And it’s because the players (sans Bruno) scare no one.

Last season was farcical for a few teams and United finished third by virtue of not being moronic and playing at least eight fewer games than every EFL team. That won’t happen again. “But United are in the Champions League this season!” “So? Spurs finished fourth in that very league nine months ago.”

When Team A wants to sign a player and Tottenham blows them out of the water with a bid, Team A is probably lower on the food chain. Obviously, that’s a stretch, but it is quite interesting that people talk of Spurs having had a disastrous first three weeks of the season when, at the same time, the actual Manchester United manager is saying his team has had a solid start and they will be ‘fine’.

But for that scenario to arise, Tottenham would have to score a league goal for the first time since May. And unfortunately, Joao Palhinha is in Portugal.

United and Spurs are members of the Big Six, but that’s just money talking because neither would be included on a list of the best six teams in England. It’s an embryonic table in September, sure, but they aren’t even in the top 10 right now.

For so many years, the hope was that Tottenham would one day be on par with Manchester United. And now they are.

But times have changed, and there are four superior members of the Big Six that Spurs would have been better trying to emulate. Out of the five options available, they’ve drawn level with United. Anyone but United.

All that money spent and Tottenham are still to score a Premier League goal this season. At least they’re off the mark in terms of points after following up defeats against Brentford and Newcastle with a 0-0 draw at Nottingham Forest.

While Tottenham languish in the bottom three, Everton are eighth. After starting out with a win over Crystal Palace, they’ve followed it by netting last-gasp equalisers to draw with Bournemouth (1-1) and Manchester United (2-2).

Despite the fury among the fan base for their lack of transfer activity, the Toffees head into matchday four as one of the eight top-flight teams yet to suffer defeat this season.

Tottenham v Everton kick-off time

Tottenham v Everton kicks off at 5.30pm BST on Saturday, September 12 at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

Tottenham v Everton how to watch

The game will be shown live in the UK via Sky Sports Main Event and Sky Sports Premier League, with coverage starting from 5pm.

BBC Radio 5 Live will provide full match commentary.

Tottenham team news

Goals are a huge problem for Spurs boss Roberto De Zerbi so it hardly helps that some of his most creative players are sidelined.

Dejan Kulusevski, Xavi Simons and Wilson Odobert are long-term absentees and hopes of a return for James Maddison have been scuppered by a shoulder injury.

Mykhaylo Mudryk made his return after over 600 days in the stalemate at Nottingham Forest but is now set to be out for over a month again after picking up an ankle injury.

In more positive news, Mohammed Kudus could soon be back in the starting line-up after making substitute appearances in their last two Premier League games.

Everton team news

After his stunning last-gasp equaliser against Manchester United, Ainsley Maitland-Niles will be pushing for a start on Saturday.

That may come his way regardless of staking his claims with that worldie as midfielder James Garner is a doubt after coming off against United.

In another change to Moyes’ starting XI, Jack Grealish could step in for Brennan Johnson out wide.

Elsewhere, Christian Norgaard won’t be fit again until October.

Tottenham v Everton odds

Winless Spurs are 21/20 to get their first three points of the campaign.

Everton are 5/2 to secure victory while The Draw is 13/5.

Despite their slow start, Tottenham are 4/7 to finish in the Top 10 while Everton are 5/4 to end the season in the top half of the table.

Tottenham v Everton prediction

Tottenham have to get off the mark soon and history suggests Everton are ideal opponents.

Spurs have won their last five home games against the Toffees and, looking further back, they’ve suffered defeat in just one of the last 17 when Everton have visited.

Everton’s resilience has been impressive so far and David Moyes will be delighted to have seen those late equalisers.

But with Spurs firing blanks and Everton having limited attacking options, this could be short of goals so go Under 2.5 at 10/11.

Both sides are also in the bottom four of the Premier League’s Fair Play table so referee Darren England could be a busy man.

There were five yellow cards in this same fixture last season (three for Spurs and two for Everton) so back a repeat.

That can be done by going Over 4.5 cards at 6/4.