Football kits are no longer just football kits. There are now so many of them, with pretty much every team releasing at least three brand new ones – plus goalkeeper efforts – every single season.
The actual inspiration for these kits is as it always was, of course: to separate fans from their hard-earned. But it’s absolutely vital that nobody directly involved ever say that quiet part out loud.
And with prices ever increasing – 85 quid for a ‘replica’ now appears to be the industry standard for a short-sleeve adult shirt – alongside the physical number of new shirts, more and more convoluted justification is now required.
Every kit is now inspired by something that definitely isn’t billionaires getting their hands on your 85 pounds, no. As football clubs grow ever less tethered to their immediate surroundings, so kits become more and more ‘inspired’ by their ‘iconic’ stadium or city or shopping centre.
It’s all complete guff and like so much about football we hate-love it enormously. It’s yet another thing that was on our list of things that we definitely don’t care about, thanks, that we’ve now written yet another 1000 words about. No, you shut up.
Here are the top five best/worst examples so far this year, bearing in mind there are loads more of these things to come yet with new-kit season really only a few weeks old at this point.
Celebrate the storied history of the club and the ever-evolving, vibrant spirit of London with Chelsea FC’s 2025-26 Home kit. This replica jersey features classic Chelsea blue and a subtle print inspired by the city’s architecture. Inspired by London’s iconic landmarks and creative culture. The very fabric of London is in the Chelsea blue fabric.
Inspired by London and its culture and its vibrant spirit and its architecture and its iconic London iconic landmarks and iconic architecture that is so very iconic. Made in Georgia.
Also scores more general points for obeying one of the ancient laws of the press release, which is to include a capital letter on a random word where it has no business being. Step forward, ‘Home’. The clumsy, unrhythmic repetition of ‘fabric’ in that pay-off line another absolute treat.
The stadium in every stitch. The new Home kit features an abstract sleeve graphic inspired by the Theatre of Dreams. Few sporting stages can match the drama Manchester United’s iconic home ground has generated over the years. So this adidas jersey pays tribute to the stadium in which it will be starring in 25/26 with a “Theatre of Dreams” sign-off and abstract Old Trafford-inspired graphics on the sleeves.
Football kit PR writers avoid using the word ‘iconic’ challenge: impossible. It cannot be done. There will never again exist a football kit that is just a football kit without ‘drawing inspiration from’ some ‘iconic’ time or place or thing.
Another word these guys bloody love is ‘abstract’ which usually means you can only get even the slightest hint of this iconic inspiration if you squint, and look at a funny angle and ideally consume some kind of hallucinogen.
We’re also just fundamentally not sure on any level that in big 2025 any new Man United thing should be tying itself too directly to Old Trafford, a ground now infamously and visibly past its prime with a leaky roof and fading paintwork. It doesn’t scream pristine long-lasting garment worth 85 of your hard-earned pounds.
In 1974, Chelsea FC debuted a uniform honouring one of the greatest and most influential national teams ever assembled, the Magnificent Magyars. Chelsea continues that celebration of excellence with a sophisticated kit design using the colours of the Hungarian flag.
Also crowingly self-dubbed a ‘London masterpiece’ – which is surely not for Chelsea themselves to say – this kit ‘continues’ a celebration of excellence by making the first reference to it in over 50 years for no real apparent reason beyond someone somewhere flicking through old Chelsea kits to find one to be inspired by/rip off that hadn’t already been done yet. Magnificent guff.
On away days, this Aston Villa FC jersey reminds players and fans of their home city. The print on its raglan sleeves was inspired by the striking facade of a world-famous Birmingham landmark.
The best bit here is deeming said landmark to be so world-famous it doesn’t even need to be named, which we’re going to go right ahead and assume is some kind of convoluted legal issue involving copyright or naming rights or somesuch that probably involved multiple back-and-forths, 27 Teams meetings, 164 emails and 73 rewrites before they settled on just how clearly they could hint at it.
You know they’re treading carefully when the source of a kit’s inspiration isn’t even described as iconic. But obviously it’s the Bullring. Even if you haven’t seen the kit you already know it’s the Bullring. If it’s Birmingham it’s always the Bullring. Specifically that shiny wavy bit with all silver circles on it with a Selfridges in.
And in fairness, unlike most of these inspirations, you can actually see what they mean on the kit. No ‘abstract’ cheats or ‘subtle nods’ here, except in the press release itself.
Tottenham Hotspur’s 2025-26 away shirt welcomes you to match day in the year 2082. This London-inspired battle armour uses tonal blacks and cutting-edge trims to create an innovative, stealthy look that the enemy won’t see coming.
The trophies just keep coming for Spurs. First the Europa League, then the Harshest But Probably Correct In The Cold Light Of Day Sacking trophy, and now the Most Egregious Kit Launch Bullshit award. The trophy cabinet is positively bulging these days.
Just as well, too. We don’t know but we assume the layers of approval this kind of assault on the English language has to negotiate mean initial sign-off on that astonishing pair of sentences probably happened months ago, meaning Spurs are unbelievably lucky not to have left themselves as wide open as their defence to the easiest of ‘and the trophy drought goes on’ banters with that batsh*t bit about 2082.
We very much enjoy the fact that even though it has now been 30 years since black ceased to be the preserve of referees, and that Spurs themselves had a black away kit over 10 years ago now, and that somewhere close to half the Premier League appears to have a black away or third kit this season that Tottenham and/or Nike adorably appear to be believe it is nevertheless some wildly unimaginable futuristic flourish that will baffle and astonish.
Of course it’s ‘London-inspired’ because every kit this season apparently comes with such geographical influence as standard for your 85 pounds, but we are entirely unsure what precisely about this football kit qualifies it as so inspired, or indeed as ‘battle armour’. It appears to possess as few protective qualities as any other recycled polyester weave.
And this apparent ‘stealth’ mode sounds ominously like it could be a bit self-defeating in a Man United grey kit fashion.
We like the idea of ‘tonal blacks’, but this does feel like a missed opportunity to go full Spinal Tap. It’s a pastel black. And how much more black and London-inspired could it be? And the answer is none. None… more black and London-inspired.
