Cartilage Free Captain

good morning -

It’s been hot as hell in DC lately. You know, the kind of hot where you can’t even be bothered to walk for like ten minutes because it’s just so dang hot. I pity the visitors here who are walking around so much.

One activity I enjoy doing when it’s so hot outside is going to the cinema. I love a matinee. You get to escape the heat, the busy streets of DC and enjoy a film for a couple hours with some refreshments.

I’ve gone to the cinema a few times lately. Some other movies I’ve watched at home. Here are some quick, spoiler-free reviews:

Challengers: Probably one of the better tennis movies out there (There aren’t many good tennis movies out there). But the score was pretty comical. And in a film where Zendaya was the big star, she delivered the weakest performance of the three main characters. It was seriously hard to watch at times, none more cringey than the final scenes. They could probably cut at least 20 minutes out of this.

Thelma: A 94-year-old woman gets scammed $10,000 and tries to get it back. Fun concept! And it was a fun movie, really, if perhaps predictable. What annoyed me? The unnecessary subplot with her grandson that delivered nothing for the story. All in all, a pretty sweet film about ageing.

The Bikeriders: I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this was a good watch. Kind of what you get if you mix Goodfellas and A Rebel Without a Cause (though perhaps more Goodfellas). It’s about the birth of a biker gang. Tom Hardy was stellar in his supporting role - at least I think that’s he billed it. Jodie Comer carried many scenes herself and helped propel the story forward. And you couldn’t take your eyes off Austin Butler, who didn’t have many lines but carried superb presence. Maybe it’s because he’s so good looking.

All in all, a little fun to watch. Sometimes I wondered where it was going. But once it got there, I was pretty pleased.

Mark Cavendish: Never Enough: Okay, this is from 2023 so we don’t get to see Cavendish revel in the glory of winning his 35th stage at the Tour de France. Think he’s a pretty controversial fellow, but I root for him. And I appreciated how open he was about his struggles.

A Family Affair: Starring Zac Efron, Nicole Kidman and Joey King, this film goes about as you’d expect it to. Efron’s character is a jerk, falls for his assistant’s (Joey King) mom (Nicole Kidman) and the rest devolves from there. It’s kinda awful. Only turned it on so I could have something play in the background whilst I napped. When I woke up it was still on. And it was still terrible.

Sports (in general): What a few weeks this has been in sports. We’ve got the Euros, Wimbledon and the Tour de France. All of these events have been so dramatic too. That Stage 9 race in the Tour was one of the most exciting pieces of sport I’ve seen this year - what a battle on the gravel! Also, did I mention Cavendish’s 35th stage win? We’re still in a battle for the GC too.

And then, of course, the knockout stages of the Euros, where England face Spain in the final. At Wimbledon we’ve got Andy Murray’s sendoff, and now championship weekend.

Oh that’s right - baseball too! What a time to be a sports fan.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Jackie Down The Line, by Fontaines DC

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold: Tottenham given green light to continue building new hotel next to stadium

Conmebol investigating clash between Darwin Nunez and fans

The Athletic ($$): Jurgen Klopp turns down USMNT offer

There continues to be a lot of stuff swirling around Emerson Royal leaving Tottenham Hotspur this summer. AC Milan is the club most closely linked with a move for the Brazilian right back; Royal has reportedly agreed personal terms with Milan as far back as last May, and the clubs have been involved in prolonged negotiations around a transfer fee in the region of €20m. Thus far, there has been no agreement (but a lot of suggestions that one will likely come soon).

That said, we really haven’t heard much from Emerson Royal himself... until now. Royal gave an interview with Brazilian outlet EPTV (as reported by Rede Globo) where he talks in frank but honest terms about his place in the Tottenham side, and why he’s angling for a move. In short — he just wants to play football.

“I’ve always been clear. Every player wants to play. I’m very competitive. It bothers me to stay on the bench. I was upset and told this to the coach. But I have always been very professional.

“I have always been one of those who put more intensity in training, but this situation for me does not work, so I do not know what my future will be. I am not a player [who’s happy] to stay on the bench. I want to play. If it’s not here, I get it. But let me go to a place where I play.

“[The club and I] are talking. I want to play in the Brazilian national team, play in a World Cup. In the last few years I’ve always been called up, with Tite, with Diniz. But I understand that those who do not play for their club hardly play in the national team. So I have to look for new club or, if I stay at Tottenham, have a good proposal to play. Let’s see what’s best for me and also everywhere.”

I honestly don’t have any issue with anything Royal says here. None of his comments are out of line, he’s not slamming the club or Ange Postecoglou or his teammates ahead of him. He’s refreshingly honest about his motivations — he’s desperate for a World Cup place with Brazil, but doesn’t see a path forward for him at Spurs, so he just wants to move to a place where he can play football. That’s fair. That’s all any professional athlete wants, and he’s been more than a model pro for Spurs since his arrival despite a bunch of unfair backlash.

And he also revealed a special relationship with his countryman Richarlison, revealing that he was the person who convinced Richy to seek professional counseling when Richy was dealing with depression a couple of seasons ago. Richarlison has spoken on numerous occasions about how he sought professional mental health and how it changed his life, and it seems like Emerson was the one who gave him the push to get started.

“‘Pombo’ is very special. He is a very good guy, with a huge heart. Over the last year, we have come very close. He had problems with [his home life] and was feeling bad, he isolated himself from everyone, did not want to talk to anyone. I was one of the people who managed to help him. I did psychological counseling, and it helped me a lot. I improved as a person. I told him the experience and told him to try the same. We had lunch and dinner together. I took him out of the house. Being alone in this situation is very bad. It’s clear he’s someone else now. It is a great joy to see Pombo like this today.

“How many people in the world have depression and suffer from it? And if nobody talks, they won’t know how to get out of it. We are important to society. People have to understand that this is not a crazy thing. I had this fear when my parents advised me to seek help, but when I broke this barrier, I saw how important it is to have follow-up. If you do not have a good mind, you will not have a good body either. Hugging saves a depression.”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again — Emerson Royal is an incredible guy and a fantastic footballer, but he just wasn’t an incredible footballer for Tottenham at this point and time. He clearly needs to leave the club to play somewhere else so that he can realize his dreams and ambitions within the sport. Likewise, Spurs need an upgrade at his position that fits Postecoglou’s tactical system better than Emerson does. All of these things are true.

But I’ll never dislike him. It’s clear that he’s a beloved figure in the Tottenham changing room, and hearing him speak about his relationship to Richarlison and how he helped his friend is heartwarming. I suspect that with the benefit of time we’ll look back at Emerson as a cult hero during the early Postecoglou years at Spurs — a flawed player but loveable person who added to the team culture in ways that will continue to resonate for years to come.

If you were already mad at Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Rodrigo Bentancur for his ill-advised and racist remark about Son Heung-Min and south Asian people a few weeks ago, you’re probably not going to be real happy reading this article. Lolo had, let’s just say it straight, an awful, awful time last night at the Bank of America Stadium.

Uruguay bowed out of the Copa America last night in Charlotte, NC, losing 0-1 to a ten-man Colombia squad that made its first major international final in 23 years and will face Cuti Romero and Gio Lo Celso’s Argentina in the final this Sunday. In the process, Lolo was injured after colliding with his own teammate and was forced out of the match in the 34th minute. There currently aren’t any updates on the status of Bentancur’s injury, though it looked nasty at the time.

To make matters worse, after the final whistle Uruguayan players, led by Liverpool striker Darwin Nunez, charged into the stands to fight with Colombian fans who had bypassed security and, according to the Uruguayan players, egressed into a section where the Uruguay players’ families were located, harrassing them.

There’s video. It’s not pleasant viewing.

Darwin was viewed as one of the main instigators in the brawl, leading the way into the stands to brawl with the Colombian fans. Darwin was later caught on video charging at the crowd while holding a metal chair — real Ron Artest “Malice at the Palace” stuff. But for purposes of this blog, the real kicker is that Bentancur can be seen in the background of the embedded video throwing a glass water bottle into the crowd of people.

According to Alasdair Gold in Football.London, Bentancur’s bottle actually struck an Uruguayan team staffer in the side of the head, dizzying and bloodying him. Bentancur apparently threw two bottles into the stands during the fracas and will almost certainly face scrutiny by CONMEBOL and possibly FIFA for his actions, along with Nunez and other Uruguayan players.

Uruguay captain Jose Maria Gimenez later commented to the media, as reported to The Athletic, that the players felt as though their families were in danger.

“Colombian fans in a certain section descended on all our families. They won’t let us speak on the microphone. This is a disaster, our families were in danger. We had to rush into the stands to remove our loved ones with tiny newborn babies.

“It’s a total disaster. There wasn’t a single police officer. They showed up half an hour later. A disaster. And we were there, standing up for ourselves, for our loved ones.”

If Gimenez’s assertions are true, and I have little difficulty believing his story, it adds some important context to the clash, but not much absolution. As Spurs fans saw a couple of years ago when Eric Dier charged into the crowd to confront a Tottenham supporter who was antagonizing his brother’s family, footballers are extremely protective of their loved ones who attend matches with their families. South American international football also sadly isn’t a stranger to spicy matches in competitions like the Copa America and World Cup qualifiers, and both Colombia and Uruguay have a history of bad fan behavior. This is also clearly a major security failure at the Bank of America Stadium and that shouldn’t be ignored either. But you’re a football player, you simply can’t just rush into the crowd and start throwing hands at fans.

CONMEBOL, predictably, put out a mealy-mouthed statement condemning “any act of violence” in the wake of the incident, though there will surely be investigations coming.

It’s not the first time that Rodrigo Bentancur has been in the news, either — as mentioned earlier, Lolo is still under investigation by the FA after he made a racist comment (what he later called a “bad joke”) about his teammate Son Heung-Min and how South Korean people look the same. Bentancur could face sanctions or even a playing ban for that from the FA, and this latest incident could potentially see something similar from either or both CONMEBOL for FIFA, should the world football body decide to get involved.

As a Tottenham fan and as a human being, I’m frankly fed up with Lolo, and I would imagine that Spurs probably are as well. I can understand getting caught up in an emotional moment when you’re scared for the safety of your loved ones. But it’s still very hard to justify going into stands to fight with opposition fans in almost any circumstance, and Bentancur reacting by throwing objects into the crowd is just flat-out hooligan stuff and unconscionable behavior.

I have to say, I’m almost done with him as a Spurs player. His “apology” to Sonny and to those he offended through his racist comment was meager at best, and he’s fortunate that Son, at least publicly, was generous enough to let that water go under the bridge. What happened last night in Charlotte is just as bad, but in a different way, as it moves from inappropriate comments to violence.

It’s awful. I’m at the point where I wouldn’t mind if Tottenham decided to sell Bentancur and replace him with another midfielder for next season, as I really can’t justify his actions over the past few weeks at all. Lolo came back into Tottenham’s team last season after a long injury layoff (thanks Matty Cash) and never really hit the levels he had shown prior to that injury, so Spurs were somewhat banking on him getting back to peak playing strength with the benefit of additional time. But that was always something of a long bet, and the past few weeks have made it clear he’s not especially the kind of player I’d like to have at my football club. And even if Spurs do want to sell him, the severity of the injury he picked up during last night’s match is unknown and could be detrimental to any potential buying club.

No matter what, Bentancur’s speed-run to the bottom of the PR table has been... well, impressive is one word you could use to describe it. Now we’ll just have to wait to see what the fallout will be.

good morning!

It’s hot out in DC, but your hoddler-in-chief has that cool cool touch. And ice on his knee.

Oh, and he’s now a two-time defending mixed doubles champion in Washington DC.

After a nervy start to our finals match at East Potomac Tennis Centre, my partner and I found our groove. She was solid on the baseline, while I put on a clinic at the net.

If you count volleys and returns, I probably 20 winners on the night.

“You think he’d learn,” I told my tennis partner sometime during the second set, as the guy on the opposite side of the court hit the ball right at me at the net for like the 50th time in the match.

Sure, he pegged me the first time after the ball ricocheted off my racquet. What, did he think he’d scare me? Lol no. (It was actually them who’d play two at the baseline later on.)

After more than a dozen winners at the net you think he’d learn his lesson. Not so. I didn’t care. I was happy to keep hitting winners.

We were up 5-2 in the first set when I hurt my knee. It was my serve, 0-15. Went for a split step during a serve-and-volley and felt a twinge in my knee. Did not feel great. I lost that service game on a double fault, pretty shaken up about the knee and nervous to move.

We broke them back. First set 6-3.

From there it was pretty easy. I think one major advantage my team has is that we know how to play doubles, and I love to come in at the net. Serve and volley. Return and volley. Attack, attack, attack. Move, look to poach. Be aggressive. (Okay but also be careful about that knee, fitizie).

After a while you sort of establish your identity. Your surface area expands and you find your range grow in size. From there it’s winner, winner, scrambled eggs dinner.

And then the players on the other side of the court get desperate. They hit the ball harder - why? It goes out anyways. They try to hit a passing shot down the line, the lowest probability shot. Why? If they get it, I don’t care. The players across the court sure as heck didn’t - they either hit the ball out or I covered it and hit a volley winner.

My main concern was my serve. My knee didn’t feel great and I was afraid to move. More than that, I was afraid about putting all that weight on my knee after I had served. Eek! So I try to protect it and take a little bit off the serve. It does okay. A bit casual at times since I’m afraid to make any real sudden movements. After a rough start it turned out fine.

We were well in control at 5-1 up in the second set. My serve. I dial it back - I don’t need to hit it 100MPH or more. I work the lines. 40-0 up, I’m feeling good, serving on the ad side. I know exactly where it’s going. I knew what was going to happen.

Kick serve on the edge of the ad box on servers side, ace. Right on the 90 degree angle. I knew it. I saw it before it happened.

Game set match. 6-3 6-1.

Strange match, this one. The last finals match my nerves were a mess and I wanted to throw up. Today I felt fine mentally after the first four games. Hell, maybe the injured knee took some of the focus away from my nerves.

Whatever and regardless of what it is, I am grateful for the tennis partner I have. The unsung hero of this story, buried beneath my vanity, as she endured and outlasted our opponents in long baseline rallies, recovered from a shaky start on her serves, hit the crispest volleys I’ve seen from her yet and be generally supportive of me throughout this partnership.

I’m looking forward to next season. Til then I’ll cool down with some ice on my knee and gin in my tummy.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Hot In The City, by Billy Idol

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold: Tottenham academy director to remain at Spurs

BBC:‘Southgate stands on brink of glorious vindication’

good morning -

We’re about a week on from England’s penalty shootout win over Switzerland, but I’m not done talking about.

I don’t care about the tactics or any of the players, really. Except for Yann Sommer.

During the match, one of the commentators mentioned Sommer is a guitarist and a big fan of Keith Richards, so I decided to look a little further.

Sommer has been playing guitar for a few years now and, according to some article on CNN, also enjoys playing some Bruce Springsteen and reggae. He’s also taken some singing lessons too.

It’s been a while since he posted any guitar stuff on his instagram, but he posted this once:

And get this - the man loves to cook! I think his cooking blog is no more, though, and it seems like its domain now belongs to some scammy bitcoin thing. Boo!

Fitzie’s track of the day: Just Go, by Arlo Parks

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold: Spurs set for new sleeve sponsorship deal

Jay Harris ($$) on the Argentina-Tottenham connection

Spain advance to Euros final

good morning!

Sometimes sports governing bodies get a little bit wacky and start fining players for all sorts of silly things. In football, for sure. So too with American football, home of the “No Fun League” as some people call it.

But let’s turn our attention today towards the Tour de France (Spoiler: this won’t be the first time I mention the Tour this week):

One of the greatest Tour de France moments this year came from French cyclist Julien Bernard, who rides for Lidl-Trek.

For those who don’t know, crowds tend to gather very, very close to the riders throughout each stage. It brings for some scary and dangerous moments. This one, though, brought one of the sweetest.

Bernard was riding during one of the race’s two time trials that just happened to take place in Burgundy, close to where he lives and trains. He knew he would have some extra support along the way, with his wife and friends somewhere along the climb, he told ITV.

So Bernard pushed extra hard in the opening stages of the time trial so he could share a lovely moment with his wife. Check it out.

It seemed more of a homecoming than a race, but it was very sweet.

Not to the authorities though, who fined Bernard a little over $200 for “unseemly or inappropriate behavior during the race and damage to the image of sport”. Part of that was reportedly because he physically stopped during the time trial.

Yeah, okay, that last part kinda makes sense and I get they have to set a precedent here. But, c’mon! Seems like the jury became more of the love police here.

He took it in stride, though, saying he’d pay the fine every day to relive the moment.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Honeycrash, by Sasami

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold: One problem Ange Postecoglou has with Tottenham squad

Micky van de Ven previews Netherlands-England

Things have been a little quiet on the Emerson Royal front, but the club most closely linked to him — AC Milan — still appears to be a viable option. The latest comes from Italian journalist Matteo Moretto, who says that Emerson is still a “priority” target for the Serie A giants, and that talks are continuing for a sub-€20m transfer fee this month.

Milan want to buy a right back. It is among the management’s priorities together with the search for a striker.

Certainly Emerson Royal of Tottenham is on the list, whose valuation is slightly less than 20 million euros. Accessible operation.

Milan have been following Emerson Royal for several months and had also obtained information during the last summer transfer window.

Emerson Royal has a contract expiring in 2026.

So over the past month or so we’ve seen Royal’s transfer fee go steadily downwards — first there were reports that Tottenham was demanding €30m, then the price dropped to €20m, and now Italian media sources are reporting a sub-€20m fee for a very good fullback who just doesn’t fit Ange Postecoglou’s tactical system. I dunno, y’all. On the one hand I get that continental clubs aren’t as rich as Premier League clubs, but on the other hand I also am starting to wonder if Spurs are getting taken to the cleaners a bit, assuming these reports are accurate. And on the OTHER other hand (I have three hands), Spurs need to offload Emerson this summer regardless, so maybe that’s okay?

Johan Lange is a smart guy and Daniel Levy is a shrewd businessman so I expect that most of these concerns will come out in the wash. Maybe there’s an extended payment plan, or a sell-on clause that can be tacked on or something. Who knows. But there continues to be smoke swirling on this transfer, and I suspect this is negotiation by media. I doubt it holds anything up, since both sides seem motivated to want to get a deal across the line.

As most Tottenham Hotspur players have returned to Hotspur Way for pre-season training, the team will play its first pre-season contest behind closed doors against League One side Cambridge United.

Alasdair Gold of football.london said in his latest article that the club will take on League One side Cambridge United on July 13 at Hotspur Way.

As the pre-season tour slowly gets closer and closer — with Spurs traveling to Korea and Japan towards the end of the month — Ange Postecoglou will get a first look at most of his team against the League One side.

Many familiar faces will be on the pitch for Spurs, but two new signings in 18-year-olds Lucas Bergvall and Archie Gray are expected to get action in the friendly. Both highly touted prospects, Postecoglou will be able to see the level they are at in his system when Cambridge United arrives for the friendly.

As Gold states in his article the behind-closed-doors friendlies are different than a normal friendly. The friendly is expected to be broken into three 30-minute intervals with a break for coaches to speak to their players.

With the 2024/25 season creeping closer and closer, this is the first test for Spurs to ramp up their fitness levels and kick into gear for the second season under Postecoglou.

good morning -

We simply can’t not have a hoddle hero. It’s part of the game.

After Micky van de Ven’s glorious reign came to an end last week, your hoddler-in-chief searched high and low to determine who the next hoddle hero might be.

After much searching, I have found them: Welcome Barbora Votikova!

Votikova made a name for herself shortly after arriving at Tottenham this past season, keeping a clean sheet and securing the Player of the Match award in Spurs’ victory over Arsenal.

That alone should really cement this decision.

She was a key player for Spurs this past year, and hopefully in the coming season.

Votikova previously played for Sparta Prague and PSG.

Votikova suffered an ACL injury in 2022 and apparently has pictures and videos of her recovery on one of her instagram stories. I only went through a little bit of it because seeing injuries grosses me out. But! She seemed to handle the recovery process very well.

She’s pretty well-rounded too. Votikova also dabbled in some comedy and sketch shows, and wrote a book in 2019 called Bára Votíková: A Little Different, where she came out as a lesbian. She’s since used her instagram to share some positive messages about her experience too.

I imagine the ‘comedy’ and ‘sketch shows’ aspect helped her through the ACL ordeal.

With all this, Votikova is a fitting player to serve as hoddle hero. A reminder of she will be hoddle hero until:

Tottenham Hotspur announce a senior team signing

Votikova leaves the club

Spurs go through the rest of the season without signing anyone

As much as I’d love to see Votikova here for the next few months, I’d rather keep it around the two-week length (because we want signings!).

Welcome, welcome, hoddle hero Barbora Votikova.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Tonight at Noon, by Charles Mingus

And now for your links:

Five things Football London spotted in Tottenham’s training return

Michael Olise joins Bayern Munich from Crystal Palace

Filed under:

Tottenham Transfer News & Rumors

Dispatches from #batcountry

Dispatches from Bat Country: July 2024 - Edition 1, Forrest Bat

My mama always said life was like a Country of Bats. You never know what you’re gonna get.

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"'What's wrong?' I yelled. 'We can't stop here. This is bat country!'"

- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

July is here, and with it, the start of preseason. It’s been said that Ange Postecoglou wants the majority of his squad settled for the preseason fixtures, so needless to say the rumor mill is fully armed and operational, ready to build up all your hopes and dreams before blowing them to smithereens.

Here we cover all those rumors on which we normally wouldn’t report. The fringe cases. The names that spring up from untold lands, off the beaten path. We’ll discuss mostly incomings and try and focus on names we haven’t already talked about elsewhere on the site. Each name will be accompanied by a Guano Meter: a ranking out of 5 that instead of rating how likely we think it is to happen, it instead is the complete opposite. For example, a Guano Meter of 5/5 would be something like... Spurs making another signing before the first preseason fixture (sorrynotsorry).

Check out some of the previous editions here, as well as Nathan Bartel’s excellent piece that was the genesis of this series here.

Desire Doue

You want a dribbly boi? I’ll give you a dribbly boi

Young, exciting, and with a fantastic name, Doue has been lighting up Ligue 1 for Rennes while only 19

Speaking of, a team with names like Son, Desire, and Destiny sounds like something out of a bad Star Wars script; somehow, attacking football has returned

Seriously though, his dribbling numbers are off the charts, and his passing is aggressive as well; that’s often paired with a pretty poor defensive workrate, but not in Doue’s case: his numbers off the ball are also really good

Obviously, the move from Ligue 1 to the Premier League isn’t an easy one, and at his age there’s lots of talented players who have failed to make the jump

There’s a LOT of smoke around this one at the moment; every man and his dog, from ITKs to Alasdair Gold and Fabrizio Romano are saying we’re interested. Doesn’t appear to be any bids yet, though

There’s lots of interest, too - so he could be pricey... but maybe worth it?

Guano Meter: 2/5 - Honestly, this is close to a 1 with the amount of smoke - but there’s no formal negotiations underway yet by the sounds of things.

Jobe Bellingham

Hey Jobe, don’t make it bad. Take a football team and make it better... wait, you’re saying that’s not the lyrics?

Oh, it’s the OTHER Bellingham

This one’s supposed to be pretty good as well, playing a variety of roles but mostly as an attacking midfielder

He’s only 18, and came through the Birmingham youth setup before transferring to Sunderland at the start of last season

Much like his older brother, he has a decent workrate and a canny knack of popping up in the box to score. He’d be an interesting fit as one of Ange’s attacking 8’s

The rumors around the younger Bellingham actually go back a while, with Spurs linked as far back as January 2023 (and maybe even further), so they’ve clearly done their homework

The recent links are from Ed Aarons at The Guardian, so not the worst source here, but it does seem like other clubs are closer

Guano Meter: 3/5 - There’s definitely been real interest over the years, but it does feel like maybe Spurs’ youth midfielder stocks are starting to get a bit full due to the recent signings?

Menzi Mazwi

Don’t make the obvious joke don’t make the obvious joke don’t make the obvious joke

Seriously, though, I know next to nothing about this dude, his name’s the most noteworthy thing I can find - he doesn’t even have a Whoscored OR fbref profile for crying out loud

Interestingly enough, he’s another from the Birmingham youth system - and one of three players on this Bat Country edition with alliterative names. That’s not important, just interesting

He’s yet to play any senior minutes, currently looking to line up with the U21’s this coming season where he’ll probably play some combination of CM, LB, and LW - at least those are the positions on Transfermarkt, indicating he’s probably similar to a left-sided Archie Gray, but with a more front-footed approach

Reportedly he’s been offered a senior deal, but is yet to sign - hence the links away

This one is from Pete O’Rourke from Football Insider, whose record is EXTREMELY spotty. We see you, Sports Peeto

Guano Meter: 5/5 - This is what you read these pieces for. This link is so out of left-field, it’s like I made it up.

Daniel Kelly

Another 18-year-old midfielder with limited first-team exposure, this one at Celtic

Oh come on, you’re telling me we go from random Birmingham youth teamer to a rumor of a young dude at Ange Postecoglou’s old club? I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

Still, it’s impressive that a guy as young as this has seen minutes at Celtic, with 4 sub appearances last season, in one of which he scored

In the one short highlights clip I’ve seen, Kelly appears like a pretty typical box-to-box mid: involved, good movement, and strong and composed in possession

He’s also not exactly playing at the highest level right now, so a move to Spurs would be a huge step up

This one comes from the Daily Record, in Scotland, who are... well, they’re a tabloid. Honest journalism ain’t what it used to be

Bayer Leverkusen apparently are interested as well, which is interesting - it’s some big names somebody who is a relative unknown is linked with, and I guess that’s what good scouts are for; or good agents

Guano Meter: 5/5 - Come on, did you expect anything different?

Hayden Hackney

This guy is a defensive midfielder, and man, if his name doesn’t ever make him sound like one

He’s 22, and at Middlesbrough where he came through their academy system; he’s turned out for the England U21 side as well, switching allegiances from Scotland U21 (after playing for England U15’s - seriously, make up your mind, dude)

It’s another week, another #6 linked who probably isn’t at the level Spurs would like; but beggars can’t be choosers and all that

That said, there’s a lot to like here:

Championship context aside, those on-ball stats are fascinating reading

Links on Hackney date back to December, albeit from the Daily Mail (yeah, not exactly what you’d call robust); however, the Evening Standard then picked it up in January, before the Northern Echo, a regional daily, started reporting it in May

It’s this latest report that has the most meat to it; it was also the genesis of the Rav van den Berg link from last week’s piece, and indicated we’ve been scouting Hackney for two years. It then followed that up by saying we could move for him. Nothing imminent, then

Guano Meter: 3/5 - This could have been higher, due to the amount of smoke - but when your best link only says “...considering a move...”, that’s not a whole lot to go on.

Guela Doue

It’s a duo of Doues!

This one’s name isn’t as cool, though

Nor is he as exciting - sorry, no “cool older brother” situation here, with the elder Doue a right back also at Rennes

Right back is probably slightly lower down the priority list now for Spurs as well, with recent signing Archie Gray likely able to deputize there

There are things about Guela’s profile, however, that intrigue: he likes to get on the ball, and like his brother, he likes to run at (and past) opposition players

His defensive numbers aren’t too shabby either; it’s his passing, though, that lets him down

Hey, I’ve seen this one before!

And honestly, after what I wrote above, does that surprise you at all?

That’s also why he may not work for Spurs; he doesn’t seem that suited to an inverted role

The links to Guela are much flimsier than those for Desire, and I wonder if some sort of “package deal” approach was floated but quickly dismissed

They come from TBR Football, who I’ve basically never heard of - and there seems to be way more traction around links to Roma and Galatasaray, so, never say never... but

Guano Meter: 4/5 - It’s possible this is something we looked at, at some point - but I don’t think it has ever gone beyond that. I hate to split a family apart.

That’s it for this installment. July promises great things, and I’ll be here every Sunday to dump all over them. Welcome to Bat Country.