Cartilage Free Captain

We’re a little late on this one, but the breaking news from yesterday was an announcement from the English Football Association with regards to the melee that broke out in Tottenham Hotspur’s match against West Ham United on the weekend. The FA announced in a statement that both clubs, as well as the instigator Mohammed Kudus, have been charged with improper conduct:

Righto.

Obviously, there was always going to be more to come from the outbreak of violence from Spurs’ 4-1 win over the Hammers, with Kudus deciding it was time for an early Slapsgiving celebration and doling out a couple of incidences of violent conduct (note the wording around violence after both West Ham and Kudus’ charges, which is missing from Spurs’ summary). Kudus could have been red carded three times over, after intentionally kicking Micky van de Ven whilst on the ground, before striking both the Dutch defender and fellow Lilywhite Pape Matar Sarr in the face while being restrained by his teammates.

After the initial scuffle between van de Ven and Kudus, the Spurs squad understandably reacted, and that’s what the FA want to clamp down on here. They always frown on players taking matters into their own hands, clearly expecting teams to leave on-pitch matters to the referee.

You know, the referee who from pretty close range saw a player get kicked on the ground, hit in the face, and then decided to award both players yellows.

Well done boys, good process.

Look, I’m probably being a bit flippant at this point. The whole situation was a bit ridiculous. I expect Spurs to maybe get a small fine for all the players rushing in. The Prem does not like vigilante justice. I would hope the punishment for West Ham and Kudus would be much more significant.

Let’s see.

Editor’s Note: I’m sure Dustin would want you all to know that he is out of surgery and recovering well.

So it’s my second (and final) day writing the Hoddle this week, while Fitzie focuses on real life. My real life has been interesting as of late as well. I alluded to this yesterday, where I mentioned being attention starved; a so-called attention deficit, one might say...

Yes, earlier this year I was formally diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve joined the neurodivergent ranks! Well, not joined, I’ve always been a member; I just received my formal membership card.

It’s been an interesting journey. I’ve always had internal questions about certain aspects of my psyche, but it wasn’t until speaking with a close friend of mine about his journey that I realized that nearly every single one of his symptoms and struggles aligned mightily close with my own.

Some people might have felt terrified at the prospect of being diagnosed with such a condition (is that the right term?), but I felt relieved. Overnight, I got answers to questions I had continually asked of myself, my character, my way of just living life. It’s like a whole new world has been opened to me and now I can actually navigate it rather than just being overwhelmed by it. My family are certainly grateful.

Too much information for the Hoddle? Maybe. But if you’re like me, you may have stopped reading by this point.

What’s a time when you had an absolute lightbulb, Eureka! moment? It might have been something that gave a certain situation important context; or maybe even your whole life! This was mine.

Matty Flatt’s track of the day: Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby, by Counting Crows

And now for your links:

Another day, another Spurs interview, as Dejan Kulusevski talks about his shift to the middle of the pitch via Football London

Check out the highlights of Oxford United’s match against Derby, where Spurs loanee Dane Scarlett got himself on the scoresheet

Hello again! It’s your favorite resident Kiwi taking over Hoddle duties from Fitzie for a couple of days.

I say favorite (I’m clearly attention starved here, more on that tomorrow)... I’m assuming you don’t know many New Zealanders. That might not be the case!

There are only 5 million of us, and it certainly felt like we were a rare breed when my wife and I visited USA back in 2016 for a holiday. I know it seems like Americans having bad geography knowledge is a cliche, but the number of blank stares we got when we mentioned we were from New Zealand was kind of hilarious.

The thing we really weren’t expecting though was how hard we are to understand to the average American. The New Zealand accent can at times sound like we have taken inspiration from Marlon Brando stuffing cotton wool in his mouth, and we tend to speak in quite a monotone manner. It’s a wonder Flight of the Conchords took off the way it did.

Speaking of... when people looked at us quizzically when we mentioned we were from New Zealand, we used two reference points to try clear up the confusion: Lord of the Rings, and Flight of the Conchords. Honestly, some of our interactions felt like something straight out of the latter. Some of our favorites:

“The beds are really comfy here!” “The bids?” “The beds.” “Bids?” “Beds.” visible confusion, before I put on an American accent: “The beds!” “Oh, the beds!”

“Oh, you’re from New Zealand? Do you know ‘insert random Kiwi acquaintance’s name here’?”

Ordering coffee at Starbucks (I know, my first mistake) and giving my name (Matthew, I normally give that rather than Matty as the latter can cause confusion at times). I then received a cup back labelled “Bethu”.

At a gas station in pretty much the middle of nowhere (from memory when we were driving from New Orleans to Little Rock): “Where are y’all from?” “New Zealand.” “Where’s that? Never heard of it.” “Near Australia, down in the Pacific.” “Is that in Europe?” “Uh, no - you might have heard of it from the Lord of the Rings movies? It’s where they were filmed.” “Oh, right! Near Italy?” (I gave up at that point)

We still reminisce about these moments, and though we like to poke fun, we had an amazing time. People were very friendly and welcoming, and we’d love to come back someday.

Non-Kiwi readers, do you know any New Zealanders? Or any Kiwi readers, what are some of your favorite moments when travelling overseas?

Matty Flatt’s track of the day: My Delirium, by Ladyhawke

And now for your links:

Brennan Johnson talks his bright start to the season, via Football London

If you want to relive the weekend’s match, extended highlights are up on Youtube

Hi, folks! Tottenham Hotspur won a London Derby — comfortably — against West Ham! Is that allowed? I didn’t think that was allowed. But it sure was fun!

That match featured some fantastic performances by many Tottenham Hotspur players and I’m sure we’ll take this emphatic win evenly and with composure without leaping to grand conclusions just like we did the loss against Brighton, right?

Anyway, here’s a theme I’ve been holding onto for a while, and now’s as good a time as any to pull it out. Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of Songs with Unintelligible Lyrics. I’m sure you have other, maybe better examples, so put them in the comments!

The original unintelligible song, that didn’t prevent it from being a total early 1960s bop. I assume the lyrics mean something. I don’t know what it is, nor do I especially care. It rules.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 4.5): It’s getting harder and harder to argue with the conclusion that this is Deki’s team and the offense both revolves around and relies on him for effective offensive conversion. Just another solid match

Son Heung-Min (Community — 4.5): It’s amazing what Son can do when rested and healthy, even when he’s on the wrong side of 30. Scored one, and effectively scored a second though it was given as a Alphonse Areola own goal. Looked dangerous on the counter and in space. Lovely to see. Welcome back, king.

A mid-1990s hit (I specifically remember this being played at my prom after-party my senior year of high school), I still have no idea what Snow says beyond “Informer” and “a-licky boom-boom down” and frankly, that’s all I need to know. I still find it odd that a guy who looks like an accounting student at a Ohio Valley Conference college managed to become a pop star.

Dominic Solanke (Community — 4.0): I might be overrating Big Dom a bit here, after all he didn’t score, but he did a ton of really good work in the press and in and around the box. Basically facilitated Deki’s goal in the first half and is proving again why Ange Postecoglou wanted him so badly. He fits this Spurs team like a glove.

Ange Postecoglou (Community — 4.5): Who says Big Ange is dogmatic and inflexible? Made a dramatic tactical change taking off Maddison at halftime and it paid off. Knew how and when to make tweaks and subs, and set his team up well to see off a well-organized West Ham side.

Seriously, I think there’s a point where you could get a dog howling into a microphone and it’d be more intelligible than late-stage Bob Dylan.

Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 4.0): Made a couple of incredible saves against Mohamed Kudus on the rare times West Ham was an offensive threat. Plus he absolutely rocked that ball-cap, Tony Pulis style.

Yves Bissouma (Community — 4.0): Solid defensive performance and got on the scoresheet with a lovely goal.

Brennan Johnson (Community — 3.5): Didn’t get his seventh goal in as many matches, but came awfully, awfully close and again looked like Spurs’ primary goal threat in the first half.

Pape Sarr (Community — 4.0): Honestly, I had a hard time figuring out what Spurs were doing differently after Sarr came in at halftime to make such a difference, but whatever it was it worked. Sarr’s got a fantastic engine and put it to good use in a deeper midfield position, which helped muck up midfield and opened up the attackers going forward. Had a lovely line-splitting ball to free up Son for his counterattacking goal. Also got “Kudus’d” which contributed to the red card. Solid match.

I don’t know who the lead singer of Rusted Root is, but as one anonymous Redditer put it, “he sings in doctor’s handwriting.” I would like to... reach out my hand, oblesayeau, obltellyoutorun, obledysayobledayahn

Pedro Porro (Community — 3.5): Flashed a couple of powerful shots at goal and did some good work going forward in a pretty decent overall display. Continues to develop his relationship with Brennan Johnson on the right side.

Cuti Romero (Community — 3.5): No major mistakes this time, a steadying, stabilizing performance in the back line. Also a calming presence in the late scuffle that resulted in Kudus’ sending off. Good to see.

Micky van de Ven (Community — 4.0): A more subdued performance than some we’ve seen from him but he did well in defense and had a couple of meandering runs forward with the ball.

Seriously, there’s a compelling song in here somewhere, but Eddie Vedder has clearly just had jaw surgery just before recording or his mouth is sealed by Laffy Taffy or... something. What the hell?

Destiny Udogie (Community — 3.5): Not really sure what to do with Destiny. Had a fairly pedestrian (if not at times poor) first half, but stuck to a more traditional fullback role and improved his performance in the second half. But he also got an assist for a lovely ball to Bissouma. He’s having a weird year.

James Maddison (Community — 3.5): Madders made more news for being hooked at halftime than for anything he did on the pitch. I don’t think he was bad, but maybe just the wrong fit against this particular West Ham team. He did play in Deki for his first half goal, though.

Timo Werner (Community — 2.5): Mostly anonymous, but Spurs were already up big when he came on, and I wouldn’t say he was particularly poor, even if he did Timo a decent headed chance. Honestly for me it makes him even more endearing.

It’s one thing for Kurt Cobain to murmur lyrics. It’s other thing when he also writes those same lyrics and they don’t make a goddamn lick of sense even when you’re reading them.

No players in this category.

I mean...

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as trying to understand Chop Suey by System of a Down.

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating

Hello, Hoddlers. I asked Fitzie to take a day off from Hoddling today because it’s about time I’ve given a personal update.

One week from tomorrow on October 29, I’ll celebrate 10 years as managing editor of Cartilage Free Captain. I can hardly believe it either. I agreed to take over for Kim expecting that I’d be in charge for a couple of years before gracefully bowing out and becoming Editor Emeritus, passing the torch to a newer, younger generation of Spurs bloggers. I never in my wildest dreams expected that I’d still be going at it a decade later, older, (assumedly) wiser, and battle-tested with the comment moderation scars to prove it. Nor did I expect that a decade would go by and Spurs STILL haven’t won a trophy.

It’s wild.

But while that milestone is significant, it’s not why I’m writing today.

Many of you know that since February I’ve been experiencing some health issues. At first I made a concerted effort to keep it off the blog — Carty Free isn’t about me and never has been — but people know, and I’ve made references to it in the comments here and there.

So let’s just put it out there — this past February, as a “gentleman of a certain age,” I had my first ever colonoscopy. It revealed something big, that couldn’t be removed by conventional means. To make a very long story short, in May I had a preventative colon resection surgery, and the pathology eventually came back as a surprise stage IV colon cancer with metastatic spread to my liver. Over the past few months I’ve been undergoing chemotherapy to stop the cancer from spreading anywhere else while my oncologists and I have been talking about options.

One of those options happens tomorrow. On Tuesday I will undergo my second major surgery in five months to remove the section of my liver that has the two cancerous lesions. Depending on the kind of surgery I end up having (laparoscopic vs. open) if it’s successful I could either spend a couple of days in the hospital or up to a week, with several additional weeks recuperating at home.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that my last scan did not show any spread beyond the liver, with the lesions responding to chemo. So this surgery I’m about to have has the potential, with a few more post-recovery rounds of chemotherapy, to be curative.

In many ways I’m very lucky, and am in good hands with doctors I trust completely. The past nine months have been among the most challenging and difficult of my life, and unlike many I have a positive prognosis and a path towards a full recovery. But it’s still major surgery with all the risks and complications that go along with it. If you want more details, I have a Caring Bridge blog where I’ve been writing about my cancer journey — it’s very different writing to blogging about Tottenham Hotspur, but it’s still me and will give you all the publicly-available info that I’m willing to share with friends, family, and others.

What does this mean for the blog? Well, it’s in good hands. Matty, Sebastian, Kim and the staff will keep things going in my absence, however long that is before I feel recovered enough to type coherently about Spurs — maybe a week? Maybe longer. I’ll probably miss a few matches. Like in May, that will probably mean a couple of games without Community Player Ratings articles or a few features that you’ve come to expect from the site. But the lights won’t go dark, even if I do for a little while.

I want to be clear — I’m okay. I’m positive about where I’m at right now and the path forward. I remain incredibly optimistic about this procedure, my prognosis, and my odds of recovery. The only advice I have for all of you is this: get your preventative maintenance done, whatever that may be. Colonoscopies aren’t fun, but colon cancer is so much worse. If your doctor tells you to get one, have it done. If you identify as male, check your testicles. If you identify as female, stay up to date with your breast exams. Follow your doctor’s advice, do your preventative maintenance, and for God’s sake don’t put any of it off. They caught my cancer on my very first colonoscopy, one I had put off for a year. Had I not done it this time at the urging of my wife, my prognosis might have been significantly worse. If reading this article means one person catches potential cancer before it develops, then all of the crap I’ve gone through the past nine months will have been worth it.

This blog and its community means more to me than any of you will ever know. Thanks for reading, and I can’t wait until I’m back typing garbage Tottenham takes and player ratings themes that make everyone yell at me.

COYS.

Dustin’s track of the day: The Foggy Dew, by Ye Vagabonds

Tottenham Hotspur Men had a great London Derby on Saturday. Tottenham Hotspur Women have a London Derby of their own... but it’s going to be a much bigger challenge. Spurs head to Kingsmeadow to face undefeated and five time reigning WSL champions Chelsea today under the lights on the back of a two match losing streak and an injury crisis.

I’ve been surprised by Spurs in the past, but this one could get ugly. Chelsea are (again) hella good and well managed, and Spurs are still trying to find their feet after two losses and a draw in their last three league matches. Maite Oroz is currently out injured for the next few weeks, and there are questions over the fitness of Haley Raso and Amanda Nilden. However, we might get to actually see Ella Morris in action; she hasn’t made her club debut yet after signing this summer due to a preseason injury.

Either way it’s going to be a long, long day in South London if Spurs can’t firm up their defense. That said, they’ve beaten Manchester City and Arsenal in past years... maybe they’ll give us a surprise today!

This is another match that’s televised in the UK, so the match will be streamed on ESPN+ and NOT on YouTube.

How to Watch

Chelsea Women vs. Tottenham Hotspur Women

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Kingsmeadow, Kingston-upon-Thames, London, UK

If you’re a Tottenham Hotspur fan (and you are! Hi!) you’ll be forgiven if you went into today’s London Derby against West Ham feeling a bit nervous. After all, this is a proper London Derby, WHU’s “cup final,” and they always step up their game against Spurs.

Not this time! Mohamed Kudus scored a blinder in the first half to put the Hammers up in the first half, but Spurs roared back — equalizing in the first half through Dejan Kulusevski, and then going on a three goal tear in seven minutes with an own goal on Alphonse Areola sandwiched between goals from Yves Bissouma and Son Heung-Min. Kudus then picked up a (utterly deserved) red card for kicking Micky van de Ven, slapping him in the face, and then also hitting Pape Sarr before VAR intervened and sent him off.

Tottenham won comfortably 4-1, putting any concerns about the Brighton second half to rest. It was fun! I enjoyed it. I hope you did too.

It’s time to rate the players.

Rate the players from 1⁄2 to 5 stars. If the player doesn’t deserve a rating due to minutes played, DO NOT RANK. I will round the stars up/down to the nearest half-star for the player ratings later this week.

Tottenham Hotspur often struggle against West Ham United, and when the away side scored the opening goal at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, Spurs fans could have been forgiven for letting a familiar feeling of dread take root; but that dread soon gave way to delight as Spurs put West Ham to the sword in a dominant second 45.

Both sides were able to name arguably their strongest XIs, with the returns of both Son Heung-min and Richarlison a massive boost for Spurs, as Son went straight back into the starting lineup. There was also a return to the XI for Yves Bissouma, coming in for Rodrigo Bentancur, and while there were fears that Lucas Bergvall and Brennan Johnson could have picked up knocks on international duty, both claimed places in the squad.

Spurs looked bright from the off, with a couple of half-chances: an excellent pass from Pedro Porro into the West Ham 18-yard box almost laid an opportunity on a platter for Dominic Solanke, Brennan Johnson volleyed a shot past the post, and a Son curler went narrowly wide; but the best early chance fell to West Ham, as Jarrod Bowen cut a pass across the box to Mohammed Kudus, whose shot was well struck but too close to Guglielmo Vicario. It was almost a carbon copy of that moment though that saw West Ham open the scoring. Bowen shrugged off some extremely shoddy defending by Destiny Udogie and played the ball across the goalmouth to an unmarked Kudus who slotted home.

It began to look like it could be a frustrating afternoon for Spurs as West Ham dropped deep, and the chances just wouldn’t go in. Brennan Johnson had a headed chance from right in front of goal go off his shoulder and wide when it seemed easier to score, and Porro hit a shot from range that Alphonse Areola did well to save after it took a wicked deflection. The Hammers goalkeeper didn’t cover himself in glory, however, as Spurs soon equalized. A break from deep in Tottenham territory found the feet of Dejan Kulusevski, and the Swede cut inside on his left and unleashed a shot towards the near post. Areola should have done better, getting a glove on the effort, but instead it rattled off his fingertips and on to both posts, before nestling into the back of the net.

Spurs started to turn the screws from there, and one moment in particular with some gorgeous interplay from Spurs including a backheel from Dejan Kulusevski could have resulted in what would have been up there among the best goals of the season. Pedro Porro, however, was unable to quite get his volley on target, and both sides went into the break with a goal each.

Ange Postecoglou made an intriguing halftime substitution. It was one that seemed defensive on the face of things, an odd choice with scores tied, as James Maddison made way for Pape Matar Sarr. The removal of one of their creative presences didn’t seem to hamper Spurs though, as it wasn’t long until the Lilywhites went into the lead. Son played a neat pass into Destiny Udogie, who had made an underlapping run into the West Ham box. Udogie cooly controlled the pass, swiveled, and laid the ball off to an incoming Yves Bissouma, who swept his shot home first time.

Tottenham went immediately back on the attack. Kulusevski attacked the box in acres of space, before playing in Son, who had made a clever run in behind the Swede. Son’s left-footed effort was reasonably weak, but Areola couldn’t hold it, spilling the ball straight into the path of Jean-Clair Todibo who was tracking back in defense. It rebounded off the center back, Areola once more, and then into the goal, doubling Spurs’ lead in the space of minutes.

It took only minutes more for Spurs to add another as the Lilywhites began to put West Ham to the sword. A fantastic raking pass from deep found Son in open pasture. With little support close to him, the South Korean opted to take on his man, showing quick feet to force Todibo off balance. He created enough space for a shot and fired it low past Areola who once more should have done better. In an instant, the score had gone from 1-1 to 4-1.

West Ham grew more and more frustrated, and that soon boiled over as Kudus kicked Micky van de Ven while on the ground. The Dutchman reacted, shoving the West Ham winger, who lashed out in kind, striking the center back in the face, before doing the same to Pape Matar Sarr while a shoving match erupted between both teams. The referee bizarrely awarded both van de Ven and Kudus with yellow cards, before intervention by VAR resulted in a red card for the Ghanaian.

The scoreline could have been even more one-sided. Spurs nearly added a fifth as Son latched onto a deflected pass and left the right upright shaking, and Timo Werner and Brennan Johnson both had good chances to add to the lead. West Ham were able to save themselves though from any further embarrassment, even while down to 10 men, and the match finished 4-1.

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Ange Postecoglou talked a lot in his press conference ahead of tomorrow’s match vs. West Ham, but buried in between a bunch of weird questions about Thomas Tuchel, the England job, and the importance of English managers at top level football jobs was one important one about Djed Spence that should be highlighted.

We know Spence’s story — he was signed under Antonio Conte and dismissed by the same as a “club signing,” had some (understandable) issues with attitude in the wake of that dismissal, was sent out on loan including overseas, and was expected to be sold or loaned again this summer. But Djed made an improbable comeback during Tottenham’s preseason, earning minutes with some impressive performances and working his way back into the first team and Postecoglou’s plans

Just this week, Djed signed a new contract that extends his stay at the club by one year to the summer of 2028, and likely also includes a healthy bump in weekly salary. Postecoglou was asked about Spence’s journey back into Tottenham’s first team plans, and Big Ange gave an encouraging response.

“I said a couple of days ago and consistently say, most of a players future is in their own hands. They’re as much in control as anyone else. I think sometimes footballers forget that. With Djed, it could have been easy for to go out on loan again. But when he came into preseason, he was determined to make a career for himself here at Tottenham rather than wait to be loaned out.

“He did everything right in training, his attitude was great. He’s a good footballer, I think the way we play suits him and he’s knuckled down to that. And he’s earned himself a spot on the roster in our squad.

“The rest is up to him again. Because it’s an easy decision for me to make when I see that. Like I said, sometimes footballers think their fate is in other peoples’ hands. For the most part, it’s in their own. If they’re doing well and doing everything right, the future tends to take care of itself, whether that’s where you currently are or you move on. And Djed’s certainly done that.”

Now, that doesn’t answer every question about Djed Spence. Specifically, Postecoglou didn’t address Djed’s bizarre omission from the Europa League squad in favor of a third keeper in Fraser Forster. That remains a somewhat baffling decision, as the Europa League feels like the competition in which Spence would be the most likely to get significant minutes.

But even taking into account Tottenham’s difficulties in assembling a full Europa squad due to the lack of homegrown/club trained players, it’s still a positive outcome for Djed. That club-trained deficiency will resolve itself within a year or so thanks to the young players Spurs have signed in recent transfer windows, and there’s still a chance that Spence could be added to the Europa roster in January if Tottenham qualify past the group round of the competition.

This is the most we’ve heard from Postecoglou on Djed, and it’s encouraging to hear. It should also give some positive encouragement to other players, younger or older, on the fringes of Spurs’ squad — under Ange Postecoglou, Tottenham Hotspur is a meritocracy and with the right amount of work and attitude, anything is possible.