Arsenal have lost another pre-season game, prompting another round of doom-and-gloom coverage about their season’s prospects.
A Mediawatch prediction from Friday comes to pass, sort of, while for the second week in a row Manchester United are set to complete seven transfers.
Everyone is going to completely lose their minds before the Premier League actually returns.
Not another one
A second pre-season defeat for Arsenal means a further descent into doom and gloom for Sun man Joshua Hall, who is taking these results so badly we really do worry about him if and when Arsenal lose a real game that exists.
Across two pieces in the wake of the Dortmund defeat he has allowed the misery to consume him.
Arsenal are just a week away from the start of their season, but they look a world away from being champions again.
There’s a clue here, isn’t there? That ‘just a week away’ when it is in fact two weeks until the start of their actual season. Stands to reason that someone getting this worked up about a team ‘a world away from being champions again’ (Pesky fact: clear favourites with the bookies to retain their title) after a couple of meaningless pre-season games thinks the season starts with the Community Shield.
The Gunners take on Man City, Coventry, Aston Villa and Chelsea in a tricky start to their title defence.
Just no. You cannot be counting the Community Shield in a ‘tricky start to their title defence’. It quite literally does not count.
Sunday afternoon’s 3-2 defeat to Borussia Dortmund at the Emirates Stadium marked the first time since April 2023 that Arsenal conceded three or more goals in consecutive games.
And double no. You simply cannot be doing this kind of stat about pre-season kickabouts. For good or bad, absolutely no team anywhere is doing anything for the first time since anything if that anything involves real games of football that count.
Arsenal’s pre-season struggles are a warning sign for what might happen if their World Cup stars are not back sharpish.
With the obvious exceptions of injured duo Jurrien Timber and William Saliba – whose absences through injury are real and will obviously be felt – do you know who’ll be back sharpish for the matches that count? That’s right, Arsenal’s World Cup stars.
This summer’s World Cup did place an obvious strain on players who went the distance after busy domestic seasons, but Arsenal are not the only ones facing that challenge.
Arteta will know what he is seeing from his current crop is nowhere near the level that earned them their first league title in 22 years last term.
You know what else was nowhere near the level that earned them their first league title in 22 years last term? Their pre-season form last term, which – as we will keep saying – included defeats to Villarreal and actual Tottenham.
But we do understand it must be hard to retain a sense of perspective when your beloved club have ‘missed the chance to win their fifth consecutive Emirates Cup’.
Friendly fire
News of Arsenal’s despair is spreading having broken the confinement of one panicking Arsenal fan at The Sun.
You can kind of tell Ryan Taylor’s heart isn’t really in it for the Mirror, that he knows that pretending the sky is falling in after a literally meaningless 3-2 defeat to Borussia Dortmund is very silly. But just as clearly you can tell he feels he has no choice, that the narrative has been decided and he can but go along with it.
His whole piece, which amounts to an extended yet plainly performative panic about Arsenal’s defensive woes based on two pre-season defeats, literally begins with the words ‘Don’t read too much into pre-season friendlies…’
That ship has, sadly, sailed.
Context is crucial because just over one year ago, the Gunners were stunned 3-2 at home by Villarreal in a similarly sketchy contest.
A very good point, but alas one whose undeniable crucialness is lost in all that follows.
Stripping the p*ss
If you read Friday’s Mediawatch you’ll know we earmarked the latest Daily Express poll destined to become a bullsh*t ‘news’ story.
If you didn’t read Friday’s Mediawatch then how dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? Unbelievable. Fine, we’ll fill you in.
The question posed was ‘Should the World Cup be stripped from Spain, Portugal and Morocco after migrant crisis?’
Now we’re not saying the Express were hoping to nudge their readers in a particular direction here, but putting the word ‘migrant’ right there in the headline question doesn’t feel like an accident.
Absolutely wonderful, then, that instead of the ‘FIFA told Spain, Portugal and Morocco must be stripped of 2030 World Cup’ headline we have to assume they hoped to run, the Express readers instead voted 57-43 in favour of Spain, Portugal and Morocco keeping the tournament.
Don’t worry, though. The Express might have been unable to publish the puffed-up, self-important, faux-news b*llocks they wanted to publish, they haven’t let that stop them publishing some puffed-up, self-important, faux-news b*llocks all the same.
Verdict on World Cup being stripped from Spain, Portugal and Morocco after migrant crisis
The absolute audacity of calling it a ‘verdict’.
The verdict on the 2030 World Cup hosts being stripped has been given.
Yes. Express readers have spoken and that is now the end of the matter.
Funnily enough, though, the Express are keen to highlight the 43 per cent who voted the other way as if the views of the losers in a binary vote still hold some weight and shouldn’t just be instantly dismissed out of hand. Bit out of character, that, but here we are.
There was still a sizeable 43 per cent chunk who wanted to see the decision made by FIFA, but the chances of that coming to fruition remain slim.
The chances of that ‘remain’ slim because it would be an absurd and unprecedented step for FIFA to take. The precise percentage of Daily Express readers who nevertheless think it a good wheeze has quite literally zero impact.
Mock the week
And sticking with both the Daily Express and last week’s themes, there’s this.
Man Utd can complete seven transfers this week after £120m spending spree
You’ll forgive Mediawatch for having its doubts after the Express promised a similar spree just last week. Although in the interests of fairness we must note that United did eventually manage to get Radek Vitek out the door on Saturday to give the Express a solid final score there of one out of seven.
Sure, they did also manage none out of eight for the transfers Tottenham were going to get done last week but you can’t have everything.
We learn from the Express’ Reach stablemates at football.london that Spurs are now set to complete a mere five transfers this week. Seems a risk given they didn’t get any of last week’s work done; surely if anything the number now needed to complete this week would have gone up not down? And yet…
Five transfers Tottenham can complete this week including £130m Premier League pair
Key takeaway: Lucas Bergvall can apparently now no longer be sold this week.