Cartilage Free Captain

A fantastic win by Tottenham Hotspur over Manchester City has the Lilywhites through to a quarterfinal tie against Manchester United; unfortunately (for Spurs), sans-Erik ten Hag. A bruising and nail-biting encounter, both sides had chances to progress, but two early goals created enough of a cushion for Ange Postecoglou’s squad to see out a notable victory.

Both sides rotated, and both were hit by injury both through and before the match, but that didn’t stop Pep Guardiola’s side piling on the pressure as the fixture threatened to feel like an away match for Spurs. A strong home crowd at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium helped silence any potential nerves, however, and with so many moments of interest it’s hard to narrow a piece like this down... but I will make an attempt.

What did we learn from this tough 2-1 League Cup win? Let’s dive in.

Tottenham Hotspur still have City’s number

Look, let’s be real - this was a match Spurs could have easily lost. City outshot Spurs 15 to 11, with xG sitting at 1.42 - 0.88 to the away team. Spurs could have also put the match to bed earlier, with several dangerous breaks unrealized due to misplaced passes and Timo embracing the Timo paradox™.

Weirdly, though, it doesn’t seem to matter how the balance of play goes when Spurs play City.

Manchester City seem to almost be cursed when they play Tottenham; in certain sporting vernacular, one might call it a hoodoo. Alongside Liverpool and (funnily enough) Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur have won the most matches against City since the start of Guardiola’s reign. If you narrow that down to the last 6 seasons, Spurs are clear leaders in that metric.

It’s strange - Spurs have had multiple managers through that period, varied tactical setups, and a complete overhaul of the players, so it’s hard to say exactly goes wrong (or rather, right) when City face Spurs. As for Ange Postecoglou, his record hasn’t been exactly great against the other top clubs in the league either; but that didn’t stop Spurs from chalking up another win yesterday against the Citizens. At least Spurs didn’t hand a Premier League title to Arsenal by doing it late last season.

Postecoglou can be pragmatic

We all love Ange Postecoglou’s commitment to his aggressive style of play - if you don’t, maybe Spurs are the wrong club to follow (and to be clear, that is not me judging anyone’s fandom) - attacking, vibrant football is part of the DNA of this club. In this match, though, Postecoglou took a slightly different approach.

While Spurs still employed their intense high press, once this was bypassed, they would immediately drop into a low block, looking to hit City on the counter. This isn’t totally unusual for Spurs, but the shape was slightly different too, with Pape Matar Sarr playing in a more reserved role alongside Rodrigo Bentancur at the base of midfield, each supporting the defensive efforts of the fullbacks and wingers out wide at times while Dejan Kulusevski often acted as an outlet in more of a true #10 role. It was almost more of a 4-4-1-1 shape employed, and the manner of the defensive shape and subsequent counter attacks almost (and I absolutely don’t say this to be perjorative) brought to mind the football of Jose Mourinho.

Now, it’s hard to say how much of this was pre-planned and how much was a response to the technical passing of the City XI and their ability to dominate the ball, but I’d hazard to say a bit of both - with fixture congestion hitting the side, Ange probably planned for some periods to drop, and his choice to bring on Yves Bissouma for Sarr to shore up the midfield also reflects this.

Whatever the reason, it got Spurs the win, and it’s nice to see that Ange does have another string to his bow to pull out when necessary.

Spurs’ defense is about to be tested

The Tottenham Hotspur powers-that-be made some strange decisions leading into this season with regards to the defensive makeup of the squad. Not investing in left back depth with Destiny Udogie coming off a significant injury; not naming Djed Spence in the Europa League squad; and expecting both Udogie and the likes of Micky van de Ven to cover that minute shortfall, with the Dutchman also suffering multiple hamstring injuries in recent years.

Well, it looks like those chickens may be coming home to roost now, with van de Ven limping off in tears with another apparent hamstring problem and Cristian Romero being subbed early due to “fatigue”. Destiny Udogie is already playing a LOT of minutes, and it looks like that won’t be changing any time soon, and we need to hope against hope that he stays fit - because if he doesn’t, Spurs are in trouble.

Additionally, Spurs haven’t exactly been defensively solid this season. Though the underlying numbers have improved so far this year, there is a notable problem defending the far post. It’s something Ange needs to address, with multiple goals in recent weeks being created due to an unmarked player being found by a cross or cutback from the opposite side of the 18-yard box. It’s hard to know exactly what the tactical instructions are in these scenarios; is the fullback coming too narrow, or dropping off too early? Is the fullback supposed to be doing that, and if so, is it the winger’s or midfielder’s job to cover? Is the spacing across the backline in general not quite right?

good morning and Happy Halloween !

Following Halloween tradition from years past, we’re celebrating the Big Day with a special spooky Track of the Day.

Today’s spooky Track of the Day comes from a familiar song - Eleanor Rigby.

“Eleanor Rigby?” you say. “That can’t possibly be spooky.”

Oh but it is dear hoddlers, it is. The song, stretching just over two minutes, is an exploration into the pitfalls of loneliness and isolation.

Now that we’ve got you proper scared, we’re going to go a little bit deeper because today’s Track of the Day doesn’t come from the Beatles. It comes from Vanilla Fudge.

“Fuge can’t be that spooky,” you say.

Oh but dear hoddlers, it is!

The psychadelic outfit can make just about anything spooky if they want to, and did so to brilliant degree on their debut album. I still remember when I first heard them cover Donovan’s Season of the Witch, which we covered in a spooky Track of the Day two years ago.

If you ever get the chance you should also check out Ticket To Ride and You Keep Me Hangin’ On.

Truly spooky stuff!

But today is about Eleanor Rigby. Truly, truly spooky.

Vanilla Fudge stretch out the song to over eight minutes, having the dear listener on pins and needles the whole. A sharp, dramatic organ reels you in further and further in before you realise you’re trapped, with no way out but to face the rest of the song.

So brew your witchiest coffee, sit back and strap in for today’s spooky Track of the Day.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Eleanor Rigby, by Vanilla Fudge

And now for your links:

Jay Harris ($$): Spurs shouldn’t write off Tmo Werner just yet

Dan KP: Ange Postecoglou vindicated in big night for Tottenham

We didn’t have to wait long to find out Tottenham Hotspur’s opponent in the next round of the Carabao Cup. Minutes after a hard-fought (and ultimately pyrrhic?) 2-1 win over Manchester City, they’ll now stay at home again and host the OTHER Manchester club. Spurs were drawn home to Manchester United in the quarterfinals, which will take place the week of December 17.

All in all — not too bad of a draw! This quarterfinal featured all Premier League teams so there’s not a ton of drama to be pulled from this draw, although I fully expected karma to draw Spurs away to Arsenal in this round. United are a pretty poor team as far as major Premier League clubs go, though who knows what will happen now that they’ve sacked Erik ten Hag and are close to appointing Rubin Amorim from Sporting. There’s a good two months for them to figure stuff out before this match takes place, but it’s certainly not the most dangerous team Tottenham could’ve drawn in this event.

Here’s the full draw:

Tottenham Hotspurs quest for a trophy is still on as the side put together a 2-1 victory over Manchester City in the fourth round of the EFL Cup on Wednesday at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

Coming into the game, the hope was for Ange Postecglou to put forth an XI that was worth it to gun for the win despite the nagging injuries that are absent so far. On the other side, Pep Guardiola had stated after the third-round win that he would field a team of kids.

Starting six senior players and a few kids in the lineup for the Blues, Tottenham took its opportunity to leave its mark in front of the fans.

It took five minutes into the game for the first goal to be scored as Spurs led a beautiful counter from Archie Gray at right back. Sending a pass down the right touchline to Brennan Johnson, the Welshman hit a quick first-time flick to Dejan Kulusevski to run onto the ball and lead a 3-on-2 charge with Dominic Solanke and Timo Werner in both channels.

Kulusevski took three dribbles before sending a perfect low driven cross through the middle of the field for Werner to roll up on the ball for a first-time shot into the far post before Rico Lewis could get his sliding challenge in.

Leading 1-0, Spurs faced its first big challenge of the night in the 10th minute when Micky Van de Ven put in a sliding challenge on Savinho but came up holding his right hamstring. Dealing with hamstring issues his entire career, Van de Ven went down and looked distraught and teary-eyed as another hamstring injury took him off the pitch as fans sang his name loud and proud.

Knowing the importance Van de Ven presents for the defense, it was important for Tottenham to get another goal and find a way to hold down after. The team did just that in the 24th minute on a short corner routine.

Werner and Kulusevski played a little one-two before Kuluevski left the ball about 25-yard out rolling for Pape Sarr to take a first-time curler outside the frame of the goal and tucked inside the post with Stefan Ortega late to the shot.

Spurs allowed a goal late in the first half extra time with another mis lapse at the back post with Matheus Nunes getting a strike to fire past Vicario for a 2-1 deficit at the half.

In the second half, both sides squandered chances as Werner went for a far post shot that missed the frame, Kulusevski went for a shot instead of squaring up Solanke, and the worst of them all came from a gift on a plate to Richarlison.

Winning the ball off a Man City throw-in that just was errant into the City box, Richarlison had the chance to pick either side of the net and instead fired it right into the sprawled legs of Ortega.

Only holding onto a 2-1 lead the entire second half with that chance and others that could have sealed the win, Man City had one last chance in the final minutes.

Sending a left-sided corner to the back post, Vicario charged off his spot and to the crowd for a punch but was lodge jammed by teammates and left the net open for a free second chance strike by a Man City academy product in Nico O’Reilly. Taking the strike and believing he had the tying goal, Yves Bissouma saved it off the line with a lunging effort before letting a big celebration to keep Spurs on top.

Spurs held on in the end for a 2-1 win and the first win over Man City for Ange Postecoglou. With the win, Spurs enter the quarter finals of the EFL Cup with all remaining sides being Premier League sides.

After an ugly defeat to Crystal Palace in the weekend, Tottenham Hotspur very quickly get the chance to wash the taste of that loss out of our collective mouths, or of course double down on the misery. It’s time for the EFL Cup round of 16, and potentially the most challenging tie available, with Manchester City the opponent.

With that said, Spurs have been somewhat of a bogey team for City in recent years, with the Lilywhites regularly picking up points in their contests with the northern side. Pep Guardiola has also strongly indicated he plans to rotate, with City (perhaps surprisingly) lacking a significant amount of squad depth in their side this season.

Unfortunately, it’s a similar story for Spurs, with captain Son Heung-min still likely to be out injured and another setback for fellow winger Wilson Odobert, with the majority of Spurs’ remaining depth young and inexperienced. The pace of the fixtures in recent weeks has picked up as well, so there are a few tired senior players in the squad and Ange Postecoglou may have to make some tough decisions as to how much he prioritizes this knock-out match against other competitions. It’ll be intriguing regardless.

COYS!

Lineups

Lineups will be posted closer to kick-off.

Live Blog

How to Watch

Tottenham Hotspur vs. Manchester City

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London, UK

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Time: 4:15 p.m. ET, 8:15 p.m. UK

TV: Not televised in USA; Sky Sports Main Event (UK). Check international listings at livesoccertv.com

Streaming: Paramount+

Match thread rules

The match thread rules are the same as always. To any visitors coming here for the first time, welcome! We’re glad you’re here! Wipe your feet, mind the gap, and be sure to check out the other pages at this outstanding site. While you’re here, though, we have a few rules and regulations:

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Along those lines, outright abuse of players or match officials is also not allowed. It’s fine to say “wow, that was a really bad call,” but it’s NOT okay to direct copious amounts of abuse in the direction of said official over a call you did not like.

Treat other people in the match thread the way you would want someone else to treat your grandmother. Be nice. This is a community of fans, not an un-moderated message board.

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Have fun, and COYS!

When Ange Postecoglou doubled down on his “second season trophy” remarks, it of course was going to keep the spotlight on every non-Premier League fixture for Tottenham Hotspur. The Europa League remains a viable path for silverware, but as always are the domestic cups as well, which have eluded double-digit Spurs managers since the last tournament victory.

Cup runs often come down to the draw, and it Tottenham’s hopes in the 2024/25 League Cup took a big hit when the ping pong balls came up with Manchester City. However, winning a trophy means beating the best teams at some point, so that might as well be now. Even a rotated City side (of which I am dubious) is no pushover, so Postecoglou will have to feature a strong XI if he wants to advance.

Fourth Round: Tottenham Hotspur vs. Manchester City

Date: Wednesday, October 30

Time: 4:15 pm ET, 8:15 pm UK

Location: Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London

TV: Paramount+ (USA), Sky Sports Main Event (UK)

It is difficult to say too many specifics about City when it is unclear how closely Pep Guardiola will stick to his word. As a reminder, after last month’s win over Watford — and before the Fourth Round draw — Guardiola stated: “The next round, I announce to you, I will play the second team. We are not going to waste energy, for sure.” Now, this is a manager who excels in mind games; his quote was also before he knew who his opponent was going to be. I expect rotation, because all sides rotate some for cups, but to what extent is unclear.

This has obviously been one of Tottenham’s best fixtures over the recent period, but City has actually won the last two meetings. Last January, the teams met in North London in the Fourth Round of the FA Cup, as a late Nathan Ake goal gave the visitors the narrow win. The sides met again at the new Lane in the match Spurs supporters were happy to concede. That outcome probably does not have much bearing on Wednesday.

Who you want to be

Lately, Tottenham has seen the cups as a distraction from the top-four hunt and in some ways beneath the club’s overall ambitions. Though the trophy drought persists, supporters seek bigger glories, claiming a League Cup title will not stop the banter or quench their greater aspirations. However, it might be time to reevaluate and recognize this is a viable, and respectable, path.

City is not going to throw out its strongest XI. Even a lineup littered with academy products is likely to have some serious talent, but getting this tie at home against an less-motivated side looks like a real advantage. Meanwhile, Spurs just barely escaped against Coventry City last round after a pair of goals in the last 10 minutes. The starting lineup was mostly the backups, and Postecoglou was forced to bring on the likes of Heung-Min Son, James Maddison, and Dejan Kulusevski to rescue the match.

Postecoglou absolutely must keep his eye on the league after yet another terrible outing, but he cannot afford to tank this competition midweek. If he is serious about taking this club to the next level, he needs to get this win and move onward, and that requires fielding a strong side — even if that feels uncomfortable. Rest is valuable but opportunities for something tangible this season are limited. Exiting the League Cup in October would be yet another addition to a growing list of frustrations.

good morning

For today’s EFL Championship roundup, we’re going to be doing something a little different. Call it a hybrid roundup/”Where are they now” (the latter I haven’t done in some time).

It turns out there are a lot more former Tottenham players in the second tier than I remembered. Let’s take a look:

Sunderland (2nd), Denis Cirkin: Cirkin is a regular in the Sunderland lineup this season as they look to make a serious push back to the Premier League. Cirkin typically plays left back and even scored a goal against Sheffield Wednesday in Week 2.

Leeds United (3rd), Manor Solomon: I totally forgot about Manor Solomon. He’s gotten some good game time with Leeds, although he missed four games due to injury. No goals yet, but an assist.

Watford (7th), Moussa Sissoko: Our French prince has played the full 90 minutes in every game for Watford this season (and he’s their captain - nice!). Sissoko even scored a goal (WHAT!) against Derby County in Week 3.

Millwall (10th), Japhet Tanganga: Not a bad season for Tanganga with Millwall yet, and glad he gets to stay in London. He missed the first two games of the season due to a red card, but is a fixture in the lineup. Millwall have conceded 12 goals this season, about midtable.

Oxford United (14th), Dane Scarlett: A good start to the season for Oxford United. He’s had a couple good weeks two, scoring goals against West Brom and Derby in Weeks 10-11.

Stoke City (19th), Ashley Phillips: Things don’t get easier for Ash Phillips. First he needs to help Plymouth Argyle stay up, now he’s out there slumming it with Stoke City. Phillips scored a goal against Brentford in the Carabao Cup on Tuesday.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Berlin, by DeLange

And now for your links:

Dan KP: Ange Postecoglou admits Spurs ‘lack maturity and leadership’ but asks for patience

Report: Ruben Amorim yet to decide on future as Man United seek to hire manager

If Tottenham Hotspur are going to progress to the next round of the League Cup, they’ll need to do it without a couple of their left wingers. In his usual press conference ahead of tomorrow’s Carabao Cup Round of 16 match against Manchester City, Spurs head coach Ange Postecoglou said that club captain Son Heung-Min would be held out of the mid-week match and saved for the weekend league tie against Aston Villa out of an abundance of caution.

“Son is almost fit but probably from our perspective we’ll aim for the weekend. We’re quite confident he’ll be right for the weekend.”

Sonny’s been nursing a mild hamstring injury that has kept him out of Tottenham’s lineup for the past few matches. Ange’s comments seem to back up his previous assertion that Son’s close to a full return, but that there’s really no reason to take any chances with his recovery.

In addition to Son, there’s bad news on new signing Wilson Odobert’s recovery — Postecoglou reported that Wilson suffered a “serious setback” in his recovery during training this past week. Ange didn’t specify what that setback was or how long it might be before Odobert is able to return, but it does make it very likely that Octodobert is too soon, and it might be Novembert or even Decembert before we see him play.

“The only other one missing out which is a bit of a disappointment is Wilson, who has had a setback during the week and it seems like it is a serious one so we’re just waiting for more information. From the weekend everybody is ok and Djed is back training.

“It’s not exactly the same [injury] but it’s the same area.”

That’s a bummer — Wilson was starting to eke back into the side after missing significant time early in the season, and there was hope that his return could bolster Tottenham’s wide attacking options.

So what does that mean for tomorrow and the weekend? Well, Timo Werner is obviously a candidate to play on the left and is also probably the most likely to get the start, despite his difficulties in finishing this season. But Postecoglou also suggested Richarlison could slot in at left wide forward, a position we saw him play a lot of under Antonio Conte.

“I think Richy has obviously played a lot of his football on the left and he’s definitely an option there for us and an option through the middle as well.

“He’s getting some good match minutes now so hopefully next couple of weeks we’ve still got a good game schedule. Like I said, he’s only just getting his season started so the more we can expose him without overburdening him in the early stages he’ll be able to contribute even more.”

Postecoglou is likely to rotate for this match despite playing an unbeaten City team. But that might not be necessarily a bad thing — Pep Guardiola has dropped plenty of hints that he’s deprioritizing the Carabao Cup this season and might even play the kids tomorrow. That’s no guarantee that Spurs will come out of the match with a win, but it’s also not a given that they’ll get flattened, even with a rotated squad. Even so, I think we should probably expect players like Archie Gray, Lucas Bergvall, Mikey Moore, and Radu Dragusin to feature. We might even get a little Djed Spence, as a treat!

Spurs kick off against Manchester City at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium tomorrow (Wednesday) at 4:45 p.m. ET / 8:15 p.m. UK. The match will be televised on Sky Sports in the UK, and streamed on Paramount+ in USA.

Son Heung-Min is awesome. I know it, you know it, and so does the Asian Football Confederation. How do I know this? First — duh. And second, because the Tottenham Hotspur club captain keeps winning awards like the AFC Asian Footballer of the Year award, one of two awards given to either footballers of Asian descent or footballers who are plying their craft for AFC clubs.

The one we’re interested is the first one — the Asian Footballer of the Year award, which celebrates footballers of Asian descent who are playing football anywhere in the world. And for the fourth time, Son Heung-Min has been awarded that honor, more than any other Asian footballer.

Keep in mind this isn’t the only Asian football award Son can win this year — there’s also the Best Footballer in Asia award, basically the Asian Ballon D’Or, which hasn’t been announced yet. Sonny has won that award nine times in his career, including six of the past seven years, and is probably the runaway favorite to win it again this coming season as well.

This is a Son Heung-Min appreciation post. I have written many of these articles, and will happily continue to produce this sort of content for as long as Sonny continues to earn them. May it continue for many, many more years.

Another week, another set of dropped points in an away match for Tottenham Hotspur.

Crystal Palace, who had been lurking in the relegation zone, were much too strong for a disjointed and discombobulated Spurs side. A stop-start match and poor performances meant the Lilywhites were never unable to get any sort of fluidity going, and the customary Spurs defensive error was enough to give the Eagles the solitary goal they needed to take all three points.

Speaking of eagles, it’s time for today’s theme. We’ve done birds before. Birds are cool. But this was a terrible match, and so deserves a different angle. Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of terrible birds.

Okay, so there’s no denying it. Eagles are pretty damn cool. But I’m angry about being beaten by the Eagles, and feel the need to unleash my inner Jeff Bridges. And you know what? Bald eagles are bald-faced LIARS. They try and be the image of freedom and power in the USA, but there’s more of them in Canada! But still, they sound badass, right? Nope, they’re lying about that too, you’re thinking of the red-tailed hawk. I don’t like being lied to.

No Tottenham Hotspur players were good enough to be ranked amongst the least terrible bird on this list, the bald eagle. Lying jerks.

Swans are majestic and beautiful. They’re also colossal jerks. They hiss like snakes, will happily attack you, and are such a menace that a particular set of swans at an Auckland park in the northern part of New Zealand have near national levels of notoriety. Plus, one was a dick to Dustin’s daughter once. Swans are terrible. Unlike the above option, though, a cool band.

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as good as the awfulness that are swans. Though I do feel like hissing at the players in the way swans would.

As with bald eagles above, magpies are liars. They love to imitate other birds. But they then combine that with an extreme level of douchery. You’re out for a nice bird-watching trip. think you’ve heard a cool native bird, go in for a closer look, and BAM. All of a sudden, you’re being clawed and swooped by this black and white menace. Plus they steal stuff. You only have to do a quick YouTube search of “magpie swooping” to see just how terrible these guys are. And they’re smart too, so you know it’s intentional.

Destiny Udogie (Community — 2.5): Spurs really struggled to play out from the back, but Destiny was the exception. His driving runs from deep were the only way Spurs managed to get on the front foot in the first half, and he would have started more dangerous breaks if not being repeatedly fouled by his opposite in Munoz with the referee doing little to stop it. Linked up well with Mikey Moore on a couple of occasions, and nearly got himself an assist.

Dominic Solanke (Community — 3.0): It was an anemic attacking display by the Spurs front-line, but weirdly enough, Solanke was one of Tottenham’s best. His hold-up play and ball control were excellent, and if it wasn’t for a bizarre lack of running from the players around him, would have started a number of attacks. With the poor build-up from the back, Spurs should have honestly gone Route One earlier and utilized his strength.

OK, so we have a bird that doesn’t fly. That’s cool. Ostriches can’t fly, neither can emus. Wait, you’re telling me they can’t run, either? Okay, so what can they do? Oh, that’s cool, they can swim? Nice. What’s that? You’re telling me the best way these guys get around and get food is to go to the place where all the things that eat them live? I feel like somebody working in a lab couldn’t design a bird this dumb.

Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 3.0): Made a couple of pretty good saves, but his lack of calm on the ball at the back contributed to Spurs’ lack of control, and he was lucky not to be punished for a few flaps at aerial balls.

Pedro Porro (Community — 2.0): Started roughly, but grew into the match. Was made to look silly on a few occasions by Eberechi Eze, and was strangely ineffective in build-up which is often a strength of his. Looked brighter late on, with a couple of raking passes that should have led to more than they did.

Yves Bissouma (Community — 2.5): Worked hard, but at times was left isolated by his midfield partners and had to chase shadows after those around him continuously turned over possession. If I had one critique, it’s that he could have taken more onus on himself to break the lines with his dribbling or passing. Hard to do though when you’re on an island.

James Maddison (Community — 2.0): Had to do a lot of work with Kulusevski a complete non-entity, much of which was dirty work to which he is not accustomed. Was unlucky not to score Spurs’ best chance of the match, and really tried to get on the ball and get the team up the pitch. Arguably should have stayed on longer, but would have been tired after a fair few minutes in midweek.

Pape Matar Sarr (Community — 2.5): Added some much-needed control in the middle of the park. Tried to drive the team forward late, but doesn’t tend to be the most ambitious player when looking for a goal.

Timo Werner (Community — 2.0): Looked threatening and made good runs, which was sorely missing in the first half. A couple of dangerous crosses too. His pace could have been a useful outlet, and even with his finishing woes you wonder if he would have been able to stretch the Palace defense a bit more than those who started.

Potentially a uniquely Australian entry (though the Magpie entry is referring to the Australian magpie, they are slightly more ubiquitous). These birds are despised in the Antipodes, and it takes a uniquely awful level of terribleness to have an entire song written about how much you suck (somewhat NSFW for language). Now you have “bin-juice drinking gronk” in your vocabulary. You’re welcome.

Mikey Moore (Community — 2.5): Hard to rate really. Somewhat overawed by the occasion in his first start, but he’s 17! A big part of Spurs’ struggles in build-up, but when he did rarely get space in the final third, had some neat moments of interplay with Destiny Udogie and James Maddison, one of which led to Spurs’ best chance. I would say I’m grading on a curve, with some thinking I’m possibly overrating him and others saying I’m underrating. Who knows?

Ange Postecoglou (Community — 2.0): In a match like this it’s hard to apportion blame with regards to the coach vs the players. Ange did name a pretty strong side who just didn’t perform, and injuries on the wing meant he probably didn’t have the flexibility to make changes as he would have liked. That said, Ange waited too long to make changes, and really didn’t bring in the passing needed to get around the Palace press. The 4-4-2 he switched to late on was muddled and ineffective, and he would potentially have been better served having Richarlison taking up space in the wide areas.

So basically the swan entry, but without the whole elegance and majesty bit. And OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS THING IT HAS TEETH WHAT IS WRONG WITH NATURE (note they are not actually teeth but still WTF)

Cuti Romero (Community — 2.0): A strange performance from the captain on the day, where his usually aggressive passing was replaced by hurried clearances, and his decision to try get to a cross he was never going to reach created space for Palace’s goal. The real story though is his aerial duels: 0/4, which allowed Palace to set up camp often in the Tottenham defensive third.

Micky van de Ven (Community — 2.0): Poor on the ball, both in terms of his touch and his passing. His slip and loss of possession led to Palace’s goal, and it wasn’t the first time. Probably needed to utilize his pace more to break the press.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 2.0): After a brilliant run of form, he was utterly anonymous, and potentially lucky not to be sent off, walking a tightrope after receiving a yellow card. This reduced Postecoglou’s options for substitutions, much like the Swede reduced the options of his midfield partners by not moving into space. The sort of performance I was afraid of last season after seeing some of Kulusevski’s displays in midfield. He had just over half the touches of the other midfield two. Maybe he’s finally getting tired?

Brennan Johnson (Community — 2.0): A return of last season’s Brennan Johnson (at least the matches where he didn’t score). Terrible in buildup, a turnover machine, and exceedingly frustrating in his unwillingness to make runs to stretch the Palace defense meaning Solanke often had no outlet ball. Really should have been pulled earlier, but Postecoglou wasn’t flush with options.

Richarlison (Community — 2.0): Hasn’t been a great return to the side thus far, and the Brazilian looks clearly rusty. Ineffective up front, often getting in Solanke’s or Werner’s way, and spoiled a gilt-edged chance created by Porro with a terrible touch.

Basically dinosaurs put into a stupid small feathered body with claws. They would murder you if they could. I know it, you know it. They long for blood. And they can’t even beat a football team consisting of eagles, when their whole damn thing is running around! Terrible.

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as bad as chickens.

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating