Cartilage Free Captain

Tottenham Hotpsur didn’t put out the performance that it or Spurs fans wanted on Monday, the first match of the Premier League season. Pedro Porro put Spurs ahead with a headed shot from a James Maddison cross in the first half, but a defensive lapse allowed Jamie Vardy to equalize for the Foxes and Spurs didn’t have enough in the tank to earn a winner. The final score was a rather frustrating 1-1 away draw.

But who cares about that — LET’S POLKA! A few weeks back Weird Al Yankovic released a new polka medley — “Polkamania!” — on YouTube and Spotify. I’ve embedded it above. It’s a good one, too — one of his better ones! I’ve been a Weird Al fan since the mid ‘80s after I first heard “Another One Rides the Bus” on a late night barely audible Doctor Demento show broadcast from a Cincinnatti radio station 250 miles away. So a new polka medly got me thinking — and yeah, that’s today’s theme.

There are too many Weird Al polkas for the number of categories, so I tried to pick a representative sample. You probably have your favorites depending on your own musical tastes and when (or if) you first started listening to Al. These are my picks, and I stand by them. Yell at me in the comments, because you always do.

Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their season-opening 1-1 draw against Leicester, to the theme of Weird Al polka medleys.

One of Al’s earliest polkas — actually his first — this one is still my favorite, but that probably says more about me than it does about you. The song selection is all over the place, which was a hallmark of early Al polka medleys — and that’s okay, because it gave him broad latitude to find songs that actually WORK as polka arrangements instead of shoehorning them into a theme. And they do all work! Of course Al is able to add elements of genuine humor sprinkled throughout, and ends with a couple of classic rock anthems by Rolling Stones and The Who, which Al will return to later. This is a classic.

No Tottenham Hotspur players were as good as this polka. Sorry, but it’s true.

This one is, and I think I’m correct about this, Al’s first polka medley that’s arranged around a musical theme (1990s alternative rock) and not just a random collection of songs, and it’s pretty great! Opening with Beck’s “Loser” is a great vibe, and someone managing to make a polka out of NIne Inch Nails’ “Closer” just shows you Al’s own musical genius. I’m partial to Al’s earlier work (mostly because I liked the original music better), and this is a great medley.

Sorry, no Tottenham Hotspur players in this category either.

Honestly, this might just be one of the greatest polka concepts Al every came up with — rounding up all the late ‘90s/early ‘00s white guy performers and bands and polkaizing them. And they strangely all work as polkas! “Chop Suey” is a particular highlight, as is “Down with the Sickness” and ending with “The Real Slim Shady.” Could do without the Kid Rock, but he definitely meets the brief. A great medley.

James Maddison (Community — 3.5): I was worried about Maddison during preseason, but he roared back in this one with one of the more impressive displays in a Tottenham shirt... until about the 60th minute when he completely ran out of gas. Impressive cross into Porro’s head, and did well to organize the offense with creativity, something both Spurs wingers did not provide much of.

Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 3.5): Couldn’t do anything about the Vardy header and had a couple of pretty spectacular saves. Docked a half star for screaming at Lucas Bergvall which made me uncomfortable even though Lucas totally deserved it.

I know. I know! More Early Al from the 1980s. But this one has always been close to my heart for reasons I just can’t explain — making a polka medley from perhaps the most misogynistic Rolling Stones compilation album ever made shouldn’t work. And yet... it does. So well. It’s a departure for Al to do a polka based on one band, and he pulls it off, even managing to smirk a lot at some of the PROBLEMATIC lyrics. I especially love the inclusion of the tenor banjo in the “Brown Sugar” arrangement, the modal transition to Miss You, the exuberant shouting of HEY (hey!) YOU! (you!) Get off of my cloud!, and the closing of “Satisfaction” which is, quite frankly, bad-ass. I love this so much.

Dominic Solanke (Community — 3.0): OK, so he got into good positions but either put his shots wide or straight at the keeper. But the important bit is he got into good positions and also did very well with the ball at his feet. You can see how Ange wants to use him, and I think this was a pretty good performance considering he’s been with the squad for about a week.

Pedro Porro (Community — 4.0): We can never count on Porro scoring goals because he’s as likely to put it in row Z as he is to score a banger, so we should enjoy them when they happen. It was a well timed run and an even better on-target header. He was tangentially involved in the defensive breakdown in the lead up to Vardy’s goal, but I’d considering he was recovering from a tackle he’s probably one of the least culpable. Pretty good match.

Micky van de Ven (Community — 3.5): You know what? That was a pretty good match considering he’s barely had any preseason. Don’t have many notes, except to say that we’re screwed if he gets injured for an extended period of time.

Lucas Bergvall (Community — 3.5): This kid is a STAR and might already be our best player. Controlled the tempo in a difficult situation with swagger. Not that he’s perfect — got screamed at by Vicario for a defensive goof that resulted in a diving save — but

Another wide-ranging medley of early ‘90s hits that does a good job of bringing a bunch of disparate songs together in a humorous way, but somehow it doesn’t come across as cohesive as some others in the corpus. But there are some genuine moments of comedy in this one (“DRUM SOLO!”) and I always giggle at the jazzy downtempo change arrangement of “Humpty Dance.”

Cristian Romero (Community — 3.0): Honestly, that was a very good defensive performance undone by one bad defensive breakdown. And it was pretty bad! That said, on replay I think Cuti is covering for Sarr losing his man centrally, and I think Cuti expected Porro, who was recovering from a tackle and couldn’t recover in time. A big whoopsie-doodle in what was otherwise a solid defensive performance. (“But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”)

Destiny Udogie (Community — 3.0): Worked hard on that left side but looked pretty rusty. Willing to let that slide considering he’s barely back from injury.

Pape Sarr (Community — 3.0): IDK, he was all right I guess, lots of running around, decent pressing, but he pooped out pretty quickly in the second half. Set up Solanke with a good through ball but that was more or less the extent of his highlights. And also was just as culpable for Vardy’s goal as Cuti, since he seemed to lose his man forcing Cuti to make a choice to help cover, leaving Vardy free at the back post.

Archie Gray (Community — 3.0): I called Archie “out of his depth” here and I hold to that, though I didn’t think he was awful. I just think the 6 is a tough enough job in Ange’s system and Archie’s not quite ready for that level of pressure. He’s also painfully one-footed which limits his passing options in a position where he really needs them.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 3.0): Had a pretty fantastic opening five minutes after he came on, but faded pretty spectacularly after that. Maybe should’ve started in this one? Gotta see more from him, and for god’s sake Deki — SHOOOOOOOT.

One of the sadder things about the evolution of pop music over the decades is that as the millieu shifts from 80s pop to alternative to grunge to more R&B influences, the more Al has to try and shoehorn songs into his polka framework. Al tries his best here, but I just don’t many of these songs actually WORK as polkas, which is the entire central conceit of these medleys. So this one comes across as Al LARPing as a polka parodist. Can’t get behind this one, sorry.

Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 3.0): Snapped into a few tackles and had a couple of smart shots on target, but I don’t think he’s anywhere close to at his pre-injury best, and that’s sad. Hope he recovers soon from his angry head-knock (and hopefully got the racist knocked out of him).

Son Heung-Min (Community — 2.5): Decent first half, but equally awful second half. I think selecting him might have been a poor choice against this Leicester team, but he’s the club captain, it’s not like he was going to stay on the bench. Probably should’ve been subbed off 10 minutes earlier than he was as he was getting locked down by James Justin late. James Justin!

Timo Werner (Community — 2.5): OK, he was playing out of position, but did very little to unlock Leicester’s defense in the little time he had on the pitch.

Ange Postecoglou (Community — 3.0): Frustrated by Big Ange after this one. I appreciate the dramatic tactic shift to a 4-1-4-1 after Lolo’s injury, but the subs came way, WAY too late and I was not impressed by letting Porro limp around for five minutes when he was obviously struggling out there. Feel like Ange is as culpable for this result as any of the players, and I hate saying it.

This one is a departure for Al in a way that just doesn’t come off. It’s one thing to do a polka medley of songs that aren’t polkas, but “Bohemian Polka” is just a polkafied “Bohemian Rapsody”. We know that song. We know all the funny sing-along bits. Making it into a polka just doesn’t seem all that interesting, and I hate saying it but it just doesn’t hit.

Brennan Johnson (Community — 2.5): I called Brennan “frustrating” in my takeaways piece, and I hold to that opinion that he was the worst Spurs player on the pitch. A couple of decent crosses into the box, but seemed extremely reluctant to take on defenders and looked overall lackadaisical.

Don’t do that. Weird Al rules. Embrace the polka, the humor, the zaniness. And for God’s sake, go see him live in concert at least once before you die.

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating

good morning!

I won’t be fooled again. No sir.

After a horrendous summer filled with scorching temperatures and oppressive humidity, a cool wave has descended upon Washington DC.

The wather is, dare I say, pleasent.

So much of it conjures memories of autumn. Ahh, how I long to walk along the streets of Old Town Alexandria. The leaves crunching below my feet. Ahh, the cool crisp air.

But I must snap from this trance. I am no fool.

It is false fall (or autumn, I guess).

Do not let Starbucks’ rollout of seasonal beverages deceive you, we are still in the throngs of summer. I have lived in the East Coast long enough to know of this ephemeral respite.

There was once a day I was foolish. I wore a jumper in New York City - and a jacket! How foolish, how naiive.

No, no. I won’t be fooled again.

Still, autumn whispers sweet nothings in my ear. Calling me closer, closer, closer.

Drawing me in to its sweets arms. How I wish to bring myself to draw myself near.

But no, I won’t be fooled. For it it summer still. These temperatures are but a mirage. A mirage! Stay away from me, sly deceiver. Stay away!

I will gladly crawl into the arms of autumn when the time comes. But today is not the day.

Fitzie’s track of the day: My Fairy King, by Queen

And now for your links:

Tottenham named best-run men’s club in England by Fair Game Index

Football London on Tottenham’s latest training session

There’s good news and bad news with regards to Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Rodrigo Bentancur. The good news, according to his personal trainer in quotes printed in ESPN Uruguay, is that he’s responding well after a clash of heads on a corner kick knocked him out cold on the pitch and resulted in him being stretchered off during Spurs’ 1-1 draw at Leicester on Monday. The bad (but fully expected) news is that he is sure to miss Saturday’s match against Everton due to the Premier League’s concussion protocols.

Daniel Fernandez, Lolo’s personal trainer, said on a Uruguayan sports radio program that two days after the incident Bentancur is communicative and responding well.

“The fall worried me because sudden hits to the head like that in these kinds of plays are dangerous, but luckily, it wasn’t serious. He’s stable and doing well now. He recovered in the locker room, and they’re going to do an MRI as a precaution to check on him. At least he’s back to normal.

“Of course, this week he’ll be closely monitored because sometimes these hits can cause problems 24 or 48 hours later. Fortunately, the hit was to the side of his face, and it’s a bit swollen, but we expect him to recover soon.

“Due to Premier League protocol, Rodrigo won’t be able to play in the next match.”

Thankfully the injury doesn’t overlap with Yves Bissouma’s suspension, so it’ll just mean Bissouma is almost certainly now a lock to play against Everton, which I assume was the case anyway. Like in Spurs’ first match, expect Archie Gray and/or Lucas Bergvall to be Bissouma’s late game substitute(s) should the need arise.

Bentancur certainly has had his fair share of injuries lately and this is just the latest thing to keep him out of the linuep, though it appears he should bounce back fairly quickly from this one, we hope.

good morning!

Imagine having three managers in two weeks.

Now imagine having three managers in two weeks - after two games into the season.

Say hello to Preston North End, a club which has sat in the middle of the EFL Championship for a good handful of years now.

The first to depart was Ryan Lowe, who led Preston NE to 10th in the table last year, left after just one game this season.

The club’s director said it was Lowe who wanted to leave the club and that the gaffer asked for a break.

“I think now is the right time for the club to go in a different direction. I’ve always stressed since I walked through the door that if I can’t take the club any further, I’d leave it to someone else and that’s what I’m doing,” Lowe said in a statement after his departure.

I don’t quite agree with the timing or that he left the club in good hands, because his successor also left the club after just one game in charge too.

That man, Mike Marsh, quit his job as caretaker after a 3-0 loss against Swansea on Saturday (matchweek two).

That defeat marked their seventh consecutive league loss (all without scoring).

So that brings us to Paul Heckingbottom, who was announced as the new manager at Deepdale.

He has a decent history. Heckingbottom got Sheffield United promoted during the 2022-23 season, before leaving the club when they were bottom of the Premier League last season. Heckingbottom has also coached Barnsley and Leeds.

It’s not a bad hire, and it’s early enough in the season to easily turn this around. Will it be enough to turn Preston North End into playoff contenders? Probably not.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Orange Crush, by R.E.M.

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold’s talking points from Tottenham’s 1-1 draw vs Leicester

Dan KP: Tottenham a work in progress but future is brighter this season

The Athletic ($$) breaks down Dominic Solanke’s Spurs debut

It’s not the way we wanted the match to go, but Tottenham Hotspur didn’t lose their opening Premier League match at Leicester City on Monday. Tottenham raced to a 1-0 lead behind a header from Pedro Porro, but conceded a similarly headed goal to Leicester’s Jamie Vardy in the 2nd half en route to a 1-1 away draw.

A frustrating match, but also one that had some real positives to it, especially in the play of new signing Dominic Solanke, who had numerous chances to score in the box on Monday. So there’s plenty of reason to look at the positives as Spurs turn their attention to hosting Everton on Saturday.

It’s time to rate the players.

Rate the players from 1⁄2 to 5 stars. If the player doesn’t deserve a rating due to minutes played, DO NOT RANK. I will round the stars up/down to the nearest half-star for the player ratings later this week.

good morning!

Welp, that’s Match Week 1 in the books.

What did we learn? Well, if you’re hear to learn about Tottenham, let me just redirect you to Menno’s talking points from yesterday’s 1-1 draw vs Leicester.

But we learned a couple other things: Villa are pretty darn good, Ipswich Town aren’t going to get rolled over this season and at least we’re still not Chelsea.

Let’s take a look around at some of the best pictures from MW1:

Ipswich Town vs Leicester

Premier League football is back at Portman Road. For proof, take a look at Leif Davis here.

It’s nice to see some clubs freshen up the top flight. Luton Town last year was nice, so was Nottingham Forest that first year (then it just got weird). Now we’ve got Ipswich Town. I’m rooting for them to stay up. There’s enough bad clubs out there to give them some hope.

Everton vs Brighton

This was a pretty bad weekend for Everton. Losing 0-3 to Brighton at home to kick off the campaign is ominous for the rest of the season.

But here let’s look at the giant screen in the background, explaining why Ashley Young received a red card. A step in the right direction for transparency.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Leicester

This one’s mostly for fitzie. Jamie Vardy puts the captain’s armband on Harry Winks as he gets subbed off during the Foxes’ 1-1 draw vs Spurs.

Love to see Harry winks become such a big part of Leicester’s leadership after only a season or so.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Turned Out I Was Everyone, by Sasami

And now for your links:

The Athletic ($$) with talking points from yesterday’s Spurs-Leicester game

Dan KP on a ‘familiar frustration’ with Tottenham

Ange Postecoglou says Rodrigo Bentancur ‘conscious and communicating’ after head injury

Well, I promised y’all match notes and observations as soon as I had the chance to watch the game, and that’s what you’re getting. Tottenham’s 1-1 draw at Leicester City felt like one that got away — a mostly solid performance against a newly-promoted team that nonetheless displayed some of the same deficiencies that plagued the team all last season. Should we be worried about that? I dunno. We definitely shouldn’t overreact to an away draw, but this did feel like one that could’ve — and should’ve — gone very differently.

Here are my takeaways from a frustrating draw at the King Power.

Spurs were mostly good against a bad team

Tottenham got two good chances inside 10 minutes — one off a set piece flick-on from Cuti Romero that was cleared off the line and another shot by Rodrigo Bentancur saved — and did well when Leicester allowed them to have the ball, which was a lot of the first half. There were lots of runs and touches in the box, they mostly kept the home side pinned in their own half and you could dismiss the missed chances as first-game wobbles. Tottenham’s goal was vintage Ange-ball: fast passing, progressive, a great ball in from James Maddison, and a well-placed header from Pedro Porro. All good stuff.

But Spurs failing to capitalize on all of that positive field tilt was frustrating, and the wheels really fell off after Leicester equalized. Between that and the Bentancur injury Spurs quickly went from organized to disjointed, exhausted, and off-kilter. Spurs’ subs didn’t look comfortable playing with each other and struggled when Steve Cooper’s side sat back and started playing defend-and-counter. There are warning signs here, but also if one of Romero or Solanke’s early chances go in, I think Spurs cruise in this one and win big. There were some familiar (negative) signs, especially in the second half, but not enough to really worry me... yet.

Solanke’s role is apparent, if the finishing isn’t

We haven’t had a chance to see Dominic Solanke play for Tottenham until now, and his first match was a pretty clear indication on how Ange Postecoglou plans to use him. Solanke was fast, direct, and liked to get onto the ball, which was about what we expected. He had a number of chances — both headed and not — and was getting into fantastic positions to receive the ball and shoot. While those chances weren’t converted and were often straight at the keeper, you can clearly see the broad strokes of how Postecoglou wants him to be utilized. Frustrating that he didn’t get on the scoresheet with the chances he had, but the good news is that he had a number of good chances. It’s been a while since we’ve had a striker this good in the air. That bodes well.

Spurs’ defense was good... until it wasn’t

Tottenham’s first choice defense of Pedro Porro, Romero, Micky van de Ven, and Destiny Udogie mostly coped well with Leicester’s counterattacking play, but the goal conceded was awful — Romero leaving Vardy wide open at the back post was unfathomable — and the aftermath seemed to throw them for a loop. Spurs’ defense is designed to allow big chances, and have the pace to neutralize them. But falling apart on one of those forward runs is always a possibility and Spurs gave up quite a few big ones, especially in the second period. In fact, it didn’t look much like Spurs’ transition defense had improved at all since last year — the same built-in frailties, the same silly mistakes that lead to big chances. Frustrating.

Brennan Johnson was frustrating as hell

Brennan Johnson is the definition of a streaky player — he’ll put in a couple moments of magic or an excellent pinpoint cross, and then disappear for large stretches, or just jog up and down the pitch instead of taking players on, or do something idiotic that makes you tear your hair out. In this one he had what might have been the defensive play of the match and one good volley that was begging to be tapped in (but wasn’t), but very little otherwise. He has displayed flashes of the talent we expected of him in that position, but he NEEDS to show more, especially in matches like this one.

Is Son cooked? Too soon to say.

Son’s one of Tottenham’s all-time best players, but all preseason I’ve worried about him, because his touch and shot have seemed to be a step or two slow. He showed that again today — too often it seemed as though Sonny either took an extra touch, or a heavy one, or opted to make a high-risk pass instead of taking a shot. He really didn’t offer much from the left flank which left the offense to basically be run by James Maddison. Is it too soon to be worried about him? Maybe. I hope so.

Spurs need another source of creativity besides James Maddison

I’m not the only one who was worried about James Maddison after preseason, because he definitely looked off the boil all summer. But in this one against his old club, he basically ran the show in a match where neither Johnson nor Son looked especially great from the flanks. It’s notable that Leicester’s goal and Tottenham’s period of largesse came after he tired and then came off. His replacement, Dejan Kulusevski, started bright but then disappeared and Spurs had little to offer going forward after that point. Tottenham need to get more from its creative players not named James Maddison or it could be a very long season.

Ange’s match management was questionable

Far be it from me to criticize a manager who’s been in football as long as Ange Postecoglou... but I’m going to do it anyway because he had some baffling decisions. Once again he seemed to leave his substitutions too late and in a reactionary way, and while I credit him for the quadruple sub and the 4-1-4-1 shape change late, that change could’ve happened five minutes earlier and have arguably been more effective. I also can’t understand leaving a clearly injured Pedro Porro on the pitch as long as he did. Weird stuff, but maybe that’s just Ange?

Bentancur’s injury puts even more pressure on Bissouma

Rodrigo Bentancur had a couple of shots saved and overall had a decent (if not exceptional) match in place of the suspended Yves Bissouma. His injury was from a head-to-head collision on a corner kick and looked nasty in real time. I don’t know how long he’ll be out, but I’d be surprised if he’s back for Crystal Palace Everton on Saturday, which means Yves Bissouma needs to be fantastic, and stay healthy or Spurs are in a heap of trouble. If rumors connecting Spurs to another central midfielder are true, that might help alleviate things, but that midfielder might not be a six, which... hrm.

The kids are (mostly) all right

I don’t think Postecoglou expected to use Lucas Bergvall and Archie Gray as much as he needed to in this match, but the suspension to Yves Bissouma and injury to Rodrigo Bentancur kind of forced his hand. Bergvall looked saucy and confident, and rarely failed to show for the ball, but had that one major defensive mistake that got him screamed at by Guglielmo Vicario, and he looked a little sloppy at times. Gray looked extremely one-footed (he is) and a little out of his depth. I don’t want to criticize them too harshly — both are teenagers playing in their first Premier League match and Spurs perked up via Bergvall’s play as soon as he came on. These early minutes could pay big dividends down the road.

Don’t panic!

New season, same old Spurs. Tottenham Hotspur earned a 1-1 draw today at newly-promoted Leicester City. Pedro Porro put Spurs ahead in the first half with a thumping header from a cross by James Maddison, but Leicester equalized through a wide-open Jamie Vardy header midway through the second half. Tottenham weren’t able to get the winner and earn a point in a match that, in retrospect, they’ll probably look back on with regret.

The big story in the second half was an injury to Rodrigo Bentancur that resulted him him being stretchered off under concussion protocol. We don’t know his status yet but it didn’t look great (although he was sitting up and conscious by the end).

You know what really sucks about having Tottenham Hotspur play on a Monday? Sometimes you expect to be able to half-watch the match while you’re doing your day job, only to find out that you’ve been invited to a meeting that then goes 90 minutes longer than scheduled and you don’t get to watch any of it.

Yeah, that’s what happened to me today. I know you’re all expecting my takeaways from this match, and you’ll get them. But it won’t be immediately, because I didn’t even really get a chance to watch any of the first 65 minutes of this match in real time.

So I’ll get my match reactions once I have a chance to re-watch it this evening. In the meantime, this is your open thread. Put your match reactions in the comments, and I’ll tell you what I think as soon as I’m able.

Sorry y’all, can’t be helped and the day job always comes first. We’ll do better this weekend.

With just a couple of hours before starting their 2024-25 Premier League campaign, Tottenham Hotspur have confirmed the squad’s kit numbers. Nothing has radically changed, but they also announced that Pape Matar Sarr will keep the #29 shirt but will have the name “P.M. SARR” on the back rather than just SARR as in last year.

Neat! Here’s the full list of squad names/numbers.

*On loan for 2024/25

And yes, Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg and Bryan Gill, despite no longer being at the club, still have registered squad numbers because they are technically on loan.

As I like to say whenever we get kit number posts — you may now order your shirts with confidence!

The rubber now hits the road. Preseason is done, there’s no more warm-ups, and there’s three points on the line.

Tottenham Hotspur kick off their 24/25 Premier League campaign today against newly promoted Leicester City. Are you excited? Terrified? All of the above? One thing’s for sure, expectations are sky high after a strong preseason and some splurges in the transfer market - not to mention even more time for Ange-ball to bed in.

It’ll be a chance for Spurs fans to welcome back Harry Winks as well, now a key part of Leicester’s midfield; and to potentially farewell Oliver Skipp as he nears a possible move to the Foxes.

The waiting’s over - let’s do this.

COYS!

Lineups

Live Blog

How to Watch

Leicester City vs. Tottenham Hotspur

King Power Stadium, Leicester, UK

Monday, August 19, 2024

Time: 3:00 p.m. ET, 8:00 p.m. UK

TV: USA Network, Sky Sports Premier League (UK). Check international listings at livesoccertv.com

Streaming: nbcsports.com

Match thread rules

The match thread rules are the same as always. To any visitors coming here for the first time, welcome! We’re glad you’re here! Wipe your feet, mind the gap, and be sure to check out the other pages at this outstanding site. While you’re here, though, we have a few rules and regulations:

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Have fun, and COYS!