Cartilage Free Captain

Tottenham Hotspur are returning Down Under! The club announced today on social media that the club is heading to Sydney, Australia for a pair of preseason friendly matches in late July and early August.

Dubbed the Sydney Super Cup, Tottenham will play against A-League side Sydney FC at Allianz Stadium on Wednesday, July 29, before a friendly against Premier League and London rivals Chelsea at Accor Stadium on August 1.

Spurs haven’t been to Sydney in a decade, but they have been to Australia relatively recently, visiting Perth in July 2023, Ange Postecoglou’s first match in charge, and then in Melbourne in May 2024. This preseason tour continues a trend they’ve had in recent seasons where they’ve traveled to far-flung locales (often in Asia) but played at least one Premier League club. Choosing a non-Asian destination makes sense now that Spurs have moved on from Son Heung-Min; as long as he was there it was just too lucrative NOT to travel to Asia whenever possible.

Australia’s cool and all and it’ll be good for Spurs fans Down Under (and nearby) to have a chance to see their team play live. That said, Spurs haven’t been to the United States since summer of 2018 and every year I keep hoping that they will, so maybe I’ll get an opportunity to watch them again. Alas. Maybe in the summer of 2027.

I’m really not wild about posting this rumor. For starters, it’s passing on details of a Tottenham Hotspur player engaged in behavior unbecoming of a top flight footballer and to the left of the law. For another, it was posted in The Sun, one of the absolute worst rumor-mongering, agenda-driven papers in the UK. It’s notable that the Sun is, at the moment, the only paper that has and is running this story. For that reason, I won’t directly link to the article; if you want to find it, Google it yourself because I don’t want to directly send a single referral click to that awful rag.

But unfortunately, this looks like a thing. The Sun is reporting that Spurs midfielder Yves Bissouma is once again in trouble after he was caught — again — on video inhaling nitrous oxide at a party in early November. The club has reportedly initiated a probe of the incident and will be dealing with it internally.

You might remember that Biss was caught doing the same thing last August, when Ange Postecoglou was in charge, and that it resulted not only in him being suspended for a match against Leicester but also earning Ange’s scorn; he spoke publicly about how disappointed he was with Bissouma, and that he’d have to earn back his trust and that of his teammates.

I said at the time that the nitrous use doesn’t necessarily bother me as recreational drug abuse (especially alcohol) is almost certainly rampant in professional football. What does bother me is Bissouma being a big ol’ dummy about it. That said, nitrous use IS illegal in the United Kingdom, and if this report is accurate it means Bissouma has not learned his lesson. And that’s not just him being a dummy, that’s him being a SUPER BIG IDIOT.

Bissouma hasn’t played a minute for Tottenham this season under Thomas Frank. Part of that was, reportedly, due to an injury, but Frank already suspended him from the preseason match against PSG for consistently being late to team functions. The source of this rumor also states that the player has removed all mention of Tottenham from his social media accounts. That seems to imply that not only will he continue to not play for Tottenham this season, but the club might be working on finding him an exit, one way or another, from the team.

I hate having to write about this, but I strongly suspect we’ve now seen the last of Bissouma in a Tottenham Hotspur shirt.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a Tottenham Hotspur player has picked up an injury!

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed one conspicuous absence from Spurs’ matchday squad as they took down Brentford 2-0: that of Destiny Udogie. Djed Spence started the match at left back, with Ben Davies and Kevin Danso the only defensive cover on the bench. Thomas Frank confirmed prior to the match this was due to injury, and he elaborated further in his post-match conference:

All the quotes are pretty much there in the Twitter post. In short, he picked up an injury against Newcastle, it’s a “soft tissue” injury, and it probably isn’t serious.

Oh boy, here we go again.

So the good news is that because the injury was sustained in the Newcastle match, Destiny has probably received all the requisite scans and assessments, so Frank’s assertion that Destiny will not be absent for long carries some weight. The bad news? Everybody lies (thanks to Dr. Gregory House). The fact that it’s a soft tissue injury also indicates some kind of strain, as opposed to an impact injury, and tissue injuries can often be worse: we’re likely talking some sort of calf, hamstring, or groin tweak.

And that’s where things get worrying. Obligatory I am not a doctor declaration aside, though the timeframe for recovery from a mild strain of this nature tends to be in the realm of weeks as opposed to months, these injuries can recur quite easily without the proper rehabilitation (and even with it); and Destiny Udogie’s injury record now reads like a laundry list of ailments. This is his third injury stint just this season, and over the last three seasons he has missed around 36 matches due to injury (based on Transfermarkt’s tracking of injury data).

I guess what I’m saying is I am starting to get a bit worried about Destiny’s fitness at the top level. He seems to pick up more niggles than most, and typically these are the sort of injuries that increase in their frequency as a career progresses. There are exceptions to this rule, of course - some footballers can miraculously shake off injury-prone labels as they age - but this tends to be accompanied by other sacrifices in some area of those players’ games. We saw firsthand with Harry Kane how he bounced back from a number of ankle issues to almost never missing a fixture; but at the same time, his sprints and pressing decreased greatly in matches. Was that worth the trade-off? Probably. Does a fullback like Destiny Udogie have that same luxury? Probably not.

For now, though, Destiny is young and it does seem like there are some improvements going on at Spurs in this space. We know there has been a further medical department revamp, and previously injury-prone players in the form of Micky van de Ven and Richarlison have been surprisingly robust this season (touch wood); so maybe things aren’t all doom and gloom. At the very least, here’s hoping that Destiny can return to the pitch soon; and that this is the last knock he suffers this season!

It’s kind of amazing what can happen when Thomas Frank puts players who can pass the ball in the starting 11 and they play like the midfield isn’t made of lava. Tottenham Hotspur hadn’t won a match at home since the first match of the season, but came out with a composed and assured performance in a 2-0 win over Brentford, Frank’s old club. Xavi Simons started the match, itself a rarity lately, assisted Richarlison for Spurs’ opener, and then added a goal of his own to seal the win. Spurs also got very good performances from Archie Gray, Pedro Porro, and Djed Spence.

There’s nothing wrong with Tottenham that a couple of good wins can’t fix. It’s time to rate the players.

Rate the players from 1⁄2 to 5 stars. If the player doesn’t deserve a rating due to minutes played, DO NOT RANK. I will round the stars up/down to the nearest half-star for the player ratings later this week.

If you’re on mobile or found this via AMP and the survey isn’t appearing below, here’s a direct link.

As pressure mounted on Tottenham Hotspur and their manager Thomas Frank, a home match against Frank’s previous team, Brentford, wouldn’t have eased any nerves. Spurs’ home record thus far this season had been horrendous, and Frank would have felt the full weight of expectation going up against his old side. Instead of collapsing under said weight, though, Spurs were fueled by it, as they put together a controlled and composed performance to secure all three points.

With festive fixture congestion in full flight, Frank rotated once more, making five changes from the Newcastle match. One of those was enforced, with Destiny Udogie reportedly picking up an injury as he was replaced by Djed Spence, while Micky van de Ven also returned to the XI alongside a few other changes in midfield and attack. Xavi Simons was another of those changes, making his first start for Spurs in almost a month.

Spurs opened the scoring at the 25-minute mark, with Xavi heavily involved. An excellent run by the attacking midfielder from inside to out was found by an equally brilliant ball into the right channel by Pedro Porro, with the Dutchman squaring simply for Richarlison to finish from close range. Spurs, not content with just a one-goal lead, kept pressing forward with Randal Kolo Muani perhaps unfortunate not to double Spurs’ advantage with a close-range header straight at Caoimhin Kelleher. Things began to get a little chippy as well, with Michael Kayode receiving a caution for a late challenge on Richarlison, before a poor scissor tackle by Cristian Romero on Igor Thiago was likewise punished.

Xavi Simons was soon involved again, playing both creator and finisher for Spurs’ second goal. Winning the ball well in the press near the halfway line, Xavi burst forward into acres of space with Brentford’s defense parting like the Red Sea. Kristoffer Ajer eventually decided to come across to try and prevent a shot, but he was too late, as Simons finished calmly into the bottom left past Kelleher. It was probably one of Spurs’ best halves of the campaign thus far, as they took a two-goal lead into the break.

Djed Spence could and should have added a third soon after the break, as an error at the back by Nathan Collins resulted in the fullback free in the Brentford box with only the keeper to beat. He looked destined to score, but Kelleher rushed out and Spence was only able to strike tamely at Brentford’s custodian. Mohammed Kudus soon tried his luck with an effort of his own from outside the box, while Micky van de Ven prevented a Brentford chance with an excellent last-ditch tackle on Thiago.

Spurs looked to solidify things with some substitutions, while Brentford did the same in an effort to get back into the match. One of those replacements, Wilson Odobert, soon found himself in behind the Brentford defense, with Kelleher on the case once more, before Kudus’ subsequent finish from a tight angle was flagged for offside with Odobert’s initial run a little eager. Spurs had a further chance for a third with another late opportunity, Spence squaring for Sarr in space in the penalty area, but the Senegalese midfielder fluffed his lines as he was unable to sort his feet. It was of no consequence though, as Brentford remained completely unable to create anything of note and Spurs cruised to a 2-0 win.

Reactions

Finally, a performance to be proud of. Spurs were easily the better side, and looked cohesive and focused for one of the first times this season. The fans responded as well, with the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium crowd in full voice following some challenging times this season.

Yay for a home win!

You can thank me in part for that; as soon as I brought Igor Thiago into my Fantasy lineup, he was never going to score.

The other part of the performance was thanks to Thomas Frank realizing both Bentancur and Palhinha can’t play together in midfield, and then also starting Xavi Simons at the #10. An actual creative presence in midfield, in this economy?

Hard to say though what Brentford’s plan was here. Spurs have struggled to play under pressure and through the middle all season, so of course Brentford sat off Spurs and allowed them to completely bypass the midfield by leaving acres of space in the channels. Very odd tactics.

That said, though, Archie Gray was excellent. He is quietly turning into a very cromulent midfielder, and his athleticism and movement today caused plenty of problems for Brentford. Should he be one of the first names on the teamsheet going forward (outside of our back four)?

Really nice to see Xavi Simons throw off some of that weight of expectation heaped upon him due to his price tag with a fantastic performance. That’s what we paid for.

It was a much-improved performance from Kudus as well. After a rough outing at Newcastle, he was more efficient today: using his skills and strength in the right situations, getting his head up and not trying to overplay his hand. More of that please.

The question now is if Spurs can build on this performance, or if it’s another false dawn. We won’t have long to wait to find out, with a midweek Champions League match against Slavia Praha.

COYS!

Tottenham Hotspur is now 0-2-3 over its past five matches, though Tuesday’s draw at St James’ Park yielded some legitimate hope for the first time in ages. Nothing ever comes easily for this club, but a trio of fixtures against Brentford, Salvia Prague, and Forest represent as good of a chance as any to really turn things around…assuming Spurs can actually build upon the positives.

Brentford is not a great side, but obviously represents a big occasion for Thomas Frank. The new Tottenham manager is still trending in the wrong direction and now gets the stress of seeing his old mates come to North London. Still, the midweek result was a step in the right direction, and maybe that is enough to kickstart a revival.

Match Details

Date: Saturday, December 6

Time: 10:00 am ET, 3:00 pm UK

Location: Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London

TV: USA Network (US)

Table: Spurs (t-11th, 19 pts), Brentford (t-11th, 19 pts)

As was widely discussed upon Frank’s hiring, Brentford was actually one of the two clubs Spurs did the double over last season (lol United). Despite an opening-minute goal by Bryan Mbeumo, Tottenham won 3-1 at home with goals from Dominic Solanke, Brennan Johnson, and James Maddison. The reverse fixture was a little more straightforward thanks to an own goal and late Pape Sarr capper on a 2-0 afternoon.

Three Big Questions

How sustainable is this efficiency? Spurs had just two shots on target against Newcastle yet saw both efforts by Cristian Romero go in, increasing the team’s league-leading efficiency figures. Whether by design or ineptitude, Tottenham remains first in goals per shot and goals per shot on target, which feels more like luck than anything else.

The Brentford defense is near average in these figures, as well as raw shot volume, but has allowed multiple goals in four of its past six matches. Few things are less inspiring than Spurs at home, so Frank will need his side to be much more ambitious in the final third. Apparently there are goals to be had when the attack (or one of the centerbacks?) gets a shot off, but getting to that point is the challenge.

Who causes fear? Keith Andrews inherited a squad that had some big departures including Mbeumo, Yoane Wissa, and Christian Norgaard. That gap has mostly been (attempted to be) filled by Thiago, who has 11 goals in the league already, though few others have really contributed. Mikkel Damsgaard has played well and Michael Kayode is an interesting long-throw weapon, but this club has plenty of question marks.

Tracking Thiago is obviously task number one, and there are still too many defensive miscues for comfort right now. That being said, Frank must recognize that this is a match where players like Xavi Simons, Mohammed Kudus, and Lucas Bergvall can be difference makers if given the chance. Spurs have the better players in this contest and must play like that is the case.

Stoppable force vs. movable object? Spurs have the second-worst home form in the entire league, trailing only Wolves with five points through seven matches; conversely, no team has more than their 14 points acquired on the road. For Brentford, the exact opposite is the case, setting up for a truly riveting affair at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

Indeed, while the Bees are joint-third in home points per match, they sit tied for 17th in away form. They have been outscored 6-14 on the road, which might be the break Frank needs to get over his new side’s struggles in its own building. If anything, this seems like an opportunity for goals, though maybe it means an ugly 90 minutes of football awaits instead.

Good morning all and welcome to yet another hoddle. The days keep a’coming and so do the hoddles.

I don’t have much for your today. Your hoddler-in-chief needs to run through his finances. So please accept this Grateful Dead yule log in lieu of a hoddle today:

The Grateful Dead have done this yule log for the last few years and it’s quite fun! This edition is currently exploring the Spring of 1990, a very fun year in the Grateful Dead’s storied history.

But listen I don’t have time to type that much more. In fact, at this very moment, I’m only trying to fill some space on this page so I can get to doing my finances.

Sometimes I get away with playing the Grateful Dead yule log when I visit my parents in California. And then they realise that the Mariah Carey song isn’t playing, and then fitzie’s fun is over.

Anyways, that’s the hoddle. Enjoy it.

Enjoy your weekends. We’ll get back to you Monday.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Run Rudolph Run, by Chuck Berry

And now for your links:

The Standard: “Thomas Frank facing nightmare Tottenham scenario in Brentford reunion”

BBC: “Frustration and anger - why ‘huge question marks’ hang over Man Utd”

Variety: “The Best Grateful Dead Merch to Gift the Deadhead in Your Life”

Want some transfer slop to get you through the dark and dreary start of December? Well, I’ve got a piping hot mug of the stuff, courtesy of Sascha Tavolieri and Sky Sports Switzerland. According to Tavolieri, Spurs are one of two Premier League clubs, the other being Liverpool, who are in “advanced talks” with RB Leipzig for the transfer of 19-year-old Ivorian striker Yan Diomonde.

Normally this is the part where I tell you that lol this is a stupid rumor from a not particularly reliable source, and all that is true. Sky’s pretty low on the “tier ratings” and Tavolieri is probably even lower than that. BUT — Yan Diomonde rips, so I want to believe this is a thing.

You say you want a dribbly boi? May I introduce you to The Dribbliest Boi of All?

The sample size is small (just 712 minutes this season), but he has 3g+2a in that short time period, and look at those green bars, people. That’s Actual Production™ in a top five league and he just turned 19. Green bar supremacy doesn’t guarantee success, especially in the Premier League, and I know he’s a young kid that is going to need time to adapt to both the pace and physicality of English football, but holy smokes!

And if you want another data point, check out his FBRef Similar Players list, which when I saw it made my eyes pop out of my head and go AOOOOGAH like a cartoon dog looking at an attractive woman.

Now, look — I know we’re all jaded by the terrible squad management over the past several years. Some of you (yes, you) might even feel a little burned by the other young, talented players Spurs have brought in recently that haven’t exactly set our collective hair on fire. You can also question the wisdom of signing another young attacker when, as currently constructed, Tottenham can’t pass its way out of a paper bag and has a real and concrete need for a dynamic central midfielder. I get that. Diomande is still in that cohort of young players that Spurs should be targeting no matter who the manager is. He’s putting up real numbers for a real team in a real league and is at the point where he hasn’t (yet) inflated his potential transfer fee to absurd numbers. And even if you don’t trust Spurs’ scouting, Liverpool is also involved, and they’re a smart club. We should try and sign some of their targets before they do.

It’s also worth noting that nowhere in this brief report does it say if the targeting for Diomande is this January or next summer. If I had to guess, I’d say we’re working on a pre-agreement for this summer, but I could be wrong. (I sometimes am.)

So, to summarize — an early December transfer rumor, a dubious source, Liverpool is also involved, and there’s no time frame. There’s not exactly a ton to sink your teeth into here. However, this kid rules, and I want this to be true, so I’m putting some votive candles in a circle and sending prayers up to heaven. Let’s manifest this together, fam.

More good news? Maybe? Tottenham Hotspur central defenders Radu Dragusin and Kota Takai haven’t played a minute of action this season as they both recuperate from what has turned out to be long-term injuries, but both of them got critical match minutes in a Spurs U21 match this week, according to the club on social media.

Dragusin injured his ACL in the Europa League match against Elfsborg last January, had surgery, and hasn’t been seen on the pitch since, though he’s been steadily rehabbing and played 45 minutes in a behind-closed-doors friendly last month during the international break. Radu has also been seen in various club videos, including one posted by James Maddison, also rehabbing from a knee injury, in support of his teammate. Takai has just been super unlucky — he picked up a nasty case of plantar fasciitis soon after his signing from Kawasaki Frontale this summer, and then sustained an injury to his thigh which has kept him out even longer. Takai was always going to be considered a depth signing with limited minutes this season, but Spurs fans haven’t watched him play even once this season.

Dragusin in particular struggled under Ange Postecoglou’s high line and progressive tactics as he isn’t particularly strong at playing out of the back, but there’s a line of thinking that he could be more of an asset under Thomas Frank when he returns to the pitch. Certainly having Radu back and healthy would be good for squad rotation with Spurs still participating in three competitions including the Champions League. Spurs are essentially running three deep at CB with Cuti Romero, Micky van de Ven, and Kevin Danso; Van de Ven was rested in yesterday’s 2-2 draw at Newcastle, and putting Radu into the mix would ease some of the strain on all three.

Takai is still an enigma. He’s super young but we have no idea how good a player he is and won’t until we actually get a chance to evaluate him. Even so, I’m going with More Players = Good until further notice.

There are plenty of matches upcoming as Spurs careen into the busy festive fixture season, so hopefully we’ll be able to see both Radu and Kota in action in the next month and beyond.

“When I announced my difficult decision to leave Spurs in the summer, it was in Korea and I never got a proper chance to say goodbye to fans at the stadium.

“Now I am so happy because I am going to come back to London on 9th December, for the Champions League match, and be able to tell the Spurs fans in person just how much their support and love over 10 years has meant to me and my family. It will be emotional, but it’s important for me and the Club that this happens.”