Cartilage Free Captain

How about some good news ahead of Sunday’s North London Derby? Randal Kolo Muani, who had his jaw broken after he had the temerity to put his head in the way of Harry Maguire’s elbow, could still play against Arsenal.

Our good buddy Matt Law, writing for the Telegraph, says that Spurs received word that Kolo Muani’s injury does not need surgery, and that he’s been fitted with a special mask that could — could — allow him to play in the NLD at the Emirates Stadium on Sunday.

Of course, that should immediately remind readers of Harry Kane, who broke his nose playing against Crystal Palace a decade ago and went on to wear a clear mask in the NLD. And you all remember what happened then!

More recently, Son Heung-Min played in a black mask for a few games in 2022 after he fractured his eye socket against Marseille.

Now, we don’t know whether Randy Kilo Miami will duplicate Kane’s feat (good ol’ Harry sure did love a NLD goal, and that was one of his all-time best), look as good in a mask as Sonny (who would look good in a burlap sack to be fair), or even if he’ll actually play. I’m sure playing with a broken jaw is uncomfortable. He has, however, had a couple of weeks for it to heal a bit, and we also know Frank won’t take chances with his players. If RKM ends up playing on Sunday, it’s because Frank and the medical team have signed off on it.

If he can’t go, then it’ll be down to Richarlison and Mathys Tel to lead the line in what will be the biggest match of Spurs’ season thus far… at least until next Wednesday’s trip to Paris to play PSG in the Champions League.

If everyone agreed that the dust had settled after Djed Spence and Micky van de Ven appeared to “snub” Thomas Frank after Tottenham Hotspur’s 1-0 home loss to Chelsea a few weeks ago, apparently no one bothered to tell Thomas Tuchel. As published in The Athletic, the England manager apparently took it upon himself to have a chat with Spence about the incident, despite both Tottenham and Frank considering the matter closed.

Spence and Van de Ven were caught by cameras walking past Frank after the disastrous performance and loss to Chelsea. Frank was apparently trying to get both players to acknowledge the home fans, who were in the process of vociferously booing their own players after what they perceived to be an exceptionally poor performance and in a London derby. Spence and Van de Ven both walked right past Frank and down the tunnel.

This naturally blew up in the English media. Frank minimized the incident, saying both players came to him unprompted after the match to apologize and clarifying that they were both frustrated with the result and their individual performances, and that there was no disrespect intended. Frank seemed happy to let everything go. All’s good, move on, right?

Apparently not if you’re Thomas Tuchel. In comments given to the media in a press conference (reported in The Athletic [£]) ahead of Sunday’s match between England and Albania, Tuchel said that he also spoke to Spence, whom he called up to the England squad, about what happened after the Chelsea game, and reminded him of his responsibilities as a national team player.

Tuchel, 52, has kept faith with Spence, and said on Saturday evening that he did not consider not calling him up for this month’s camp. But Tuchel revealed that he has spoken to Spence about the incident.

“I didn’t like it,” Tuchel said, ahead of Sunday afternoon’s final World Cup qualifier away in Albania. “Because the players know they are not only national players when they are ten days in camp. They are always national players, and the standard of behaviour is always important.”

— The Athletic

So, I really don’t know how I feel about this. On the one hand, I understand Tuchel’s position as manager of England — you are representing an entire nation, and in his mind the honor that goes with playing for England means players holding themselves to certain standards of behavior. Playing for England is not the same thing as playing for Tottenham Hotspur.

But that edge cuts both ways. The basic facts are that a) Djed Spence was NOT playing for England at the time of the incident, b) the situation was clearly blown out of proportion to what actually took place, and c) the incident had already been resolved to the satisfaction of Thomas Frank and Tottenham Hotspur. I get that Tuchel wants to hold his own national team players to a high standard, but I don’t see much point of rehashing an already settled discourse, nor do I see much of a point to publicly disclosing this conversation with Spence to the media when the situation was already resolved.

I haven’t bothered to go back and look for examples, but I don’t think I’d have to look very hard to find times where England players were involved in disciplinary actions with their club teams that did not filter into the England camp. Sure, you can argue that different England managers would have different ways of dealing with these situations and Tuchel clearly favors stringent codes of conduct, but why bring it up publicly? I can’t help but wonder if this is a long-tail effect of Spence having a reputation earlier in his career of being “surly,” something that hasn’t been an issue for a few seasons now. I also can’t help but wonder — if the same situation had happened to, say, John Stones or Elliot Anderson, would we have had the same outcome? Would Tuchel have talked about it in a press conference? For the manager of England to have a discussion with a young national team player about behavioral standards at his club team is, I suppose, fine. But to talk about it in front of the press comes across as vaguely threatening to Spence’s future England prospects in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thomas Tuchel doesn’t have to like what Spence allegedly did or the way it was handled by Spurs and Frank. But it WAS handled, and to the satisfaction of everyone except, apparently, Thomas Tuchel. If he wanted to insert himself into the situation that’s his right as England manager. If he wants to have the highest of standards for his England players, that’s also fine. It would’ve been better if he hadn’t talked about it publicly, though, and at bare minimum I certainly hope Tuchel stays consistent with how he handles future infractions by his players.

I hate international football.

Seriously, how have we had three breaks before Christmas? And that’s with AFCON coming early next year. In some ways, it is nice for Tottenham Hotspur to have a bit of a break before what will be an intense North London Derby this weekend; but at the same time, it’s rough preparing for a match like that with a chunk of your squad injured, and another squad halfway around the world playing football a few days out. And what’s the deal with airline food? At least the majority of these matches weren’t completely pointless, with World Cup places on the line.

Thankfully, a number of Spurs’ internationals were rested in the second round of matches through the break. Pedro Porro wasn’t called upon as Spain drew 2-all with Turkey; Djed Spence finished off a quiet break with a bench role as England defeated Albania 2-0; Richarlison was left on the pine as Brazil and Tunisia finished one apiece; and a Ronaldo-less Portugal saw no need for Joao Palhinha either as they cruised past Armenia 9-1. Gennaro Gattuso may have regretted his decision to bench Guglielmo Vicario though following his clean sheet against Moldova, with Gianluigi Donnarumma having a bit of a shocker in goal as Italy went down 1-4 to Norway.

Micky van de Ven’s hamstrings also got a break, as he was rested in the Netherlands’ match against Lithuania, but Xavi Simons made the most of a rare start for the Dutch, scoring a well-taken goal as they secured a comfortable 4-0 win. Cristian Romero and Pape Matar Sarr were the other two internationals not to make an appearance: Sarr missing from the Senegal squad following the knock he picked up against Brazil (everybody PANIC!!!) while Cuti’s Argentina only had the one friendly match during the break due to an absolute shermozzle with sponsors leading to the postponement of their planned match against Australia.

Xavi Simons wasn’t the only Spurs representative to be amongst the goals: Brennan Johnson played a starring role as Wales demolished North Macedonia 7-1 in what was a must-win match for The Dragons’ World Cup aspirations. Johnson scored an absolute screamer cutting in from the left, after picking up an assist as he put the ball on a plate for David Brooks to finish. Rodrigo Bentancur also had a match of note for Uruguay against USA… but for all the wrong reasons. He was shown a straight red card for an ugly, studs-up challenge, cutting his match short as La Celeste slumped to a 1-5 loss. Lastly, Kevin Danso had a challenging match of his own: having to shoulder the burden of taking on two countries at once as Austria drew 1-1 against Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Special mention to ex-Spur Troy Parrott who was once again the hero for Ireland, scoring a hat-trick to make it five goals over the international break. This old man yelling at clouds can at least feel some semblance of something when thinking about Party Parrott!

I still hate international football.

Spurs International Appearances:

Pedro Porro (45 mins, clean sheet; unused sub): Georgia 0-4 Spain; Spain 2-2 Turkey - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Djed Spence (unused sub x2): England 2-0 Serbia; Albania 0-2 England - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Richarlison (unused sub x2): Brazil 2-0 Senegal; Brazil 1-1 Tunisia - Friendlies

Joao Palhinha (unused sub x2): Ireland 2-0 Portugal; Portugal 9-1 Armenia - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Guglielmo Vicario (90 mins, clean sheet; unused sub): Moldova 0-2 Italy; Italy 1-4 Norway - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Micky van de Ven (90 mins; unused sub) & Xavi Simons (unused sub; 78 mins, goal): Poland 1-1 Netherlands; Netherlands 4-0 Lithuania - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Cristian Romero (90 mins, clean sheet): Angola 0-2 Argentina - Friendly

Pape Matar Sarr (49 mins; absent from squad): Brazil 2-0 Senegal; Kenya 0-8 Senegal - Friendlies

Brennan Johnson (7 mins, sub; 90 mins, goal, assist): Liechtenstein 0-1 Wales; Wales 7-1 North Macedonia - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Rodrigo Bentancur (90 mins; 64 mins, yellow card, red card): Mexico 0-0 Uruguay; USA 5-1 Uruguay - Friendlies

Kevin Danso (90 mins, assist, clean sheet; 90 mins): Cyprus 0-2 Austria; Austria 1-1 Bosnia & Herzegovina - UEFA World Cup Qualification

Two series of Taskmaster have come and gone since we did a comprehensive ranking of each season. And now that we’re at a nice round number, I think it’s a good opportunity to go back through the rankings.

This edition features the inclusion of Series 19 and 20, two very strong seasons in my opinion. But are they good enough to crack the top five? Have no fear - this edition will be spoiler-free (for at least those two series).

Now, I’m not going to post an entry for every single Taskmaster series. I’m too tired for that. Plus, I’ve done it before. Not a whole lot has changed for me since I did this back in May. So if you want a more comprehensive review of the Taskmaster rankings, check this one out. Otherwise, entries for the updated rankings will show the newer seasons and notable movements in the standings:

Series 10: Always a touch watch, and it’s not this series’ fault. Taskmaster was trying a new thing during Covid. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work.

Series 8: This one gets a small bump up from my May rankings. Still, I dislike the Iaian Sterlin-Lou Saunders dynamic just as much as I did then. But there were some fun tasks. Paul Sinha and Joe Thomas are highlights.

Series 17: This one gets a big step down (minus 5 spots). Less because of my dislike for this one, but more because of how much I enjoyed others. Nick Mohammed was delightful.

Series 20: The latest Taskmaster series makes it just outside Fitzie’s Top 10. This was an incredible series, although it took a while to grow on me. There’s nothing I disliked, there were just other series I liked more. But it was the most competitive series ever.

Series 2: This one is still so good. The more I watch it the more I appreciate how kind Richard Osman is.

Series 19: One of the two new series to be aired since my May rankings. The cast got along great and Jason Mantzoukas was a particular joy to watch. I would also say this went down as one of the most chaotic series ever.

Series 1: The more I watch Series 1, the more I like it. From Tim Key’s reindeer skull, to Romesh Ranganathan’s tree wizard, to Frank Skinner’s push-ups and Roisin Conaughty’s fears of riding a horse, this series set the theme for how this show would be defined. A great shame it was less than 10 episodes.

Series 12: The best of the Covid-era seasons. Morgana Robinson won, but it was Victoria Coren Mitchell who stole my heart. And Alan Davies’ final task that took my breath away.

Series 16: The first series I ever watched. I’m glad it’s one of their best. Sam Campbell and Julian Clary were hilarious, and Susan Wokoma, Sue Campbell and Lucy Beaumont all had great moments too.

Series 5: But nothing will ever surpass the supremacy of series five. Just look at the cast: Aisling Bea, Bob Mortimer, Mark Watson, Nish Kumar and Sally Phillips. There’s not a single moment where I don’t laugh myself silly, even after many rewatches. The pinnacle of Taskmaster.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Let The Day Begin, by The Call

And now for your links:

BBC: “‘Scotland cash in almost 30 years of glorious failure as dreams come true’”

The National ($$): “Scotland 4 Denmark 2 - Instant reaction to the burning issues”

Good morning and welcome to another edition of A Look at the Lower Leagues, where hoddle headquarters takes a look at the goings-on across the other tiers in the English football pyramid. I think now’s a perfect time to do a short round-up with the international break having come and gone.

Let’s take a quick look.

League One:

One year after being a game away from the Championship, Leyton Orient are in a relegation. The East London club came back from a goal down to defeat Exeter City this weekend, putting them five points clear of the drop zone.

Meanwhile, it’s getting very crowded at the top - and very confusing too. It’s the time of year when there are too many clubs not playing the same number of matches, so it’s hard to gauge who’s got the inside track. I’m still thinking it’s Cardiff City, even if they dropped their last two games.

Luton Town are also steadily climbing back up the table after a disastrous start to the season.

Top six:

Stockport County (28 Pts, +5 GD, 18 MP)

Lincoln City (28 Pts, +5 GD, 16 MP)

Bradford (27 Pts, +6 GD, 15 MP)

Bolton (26 Pts, +8 GD, 15 MP)

Cardiff (26 Pts, +8 GD, 14 MP)

Stevenage (26 Pts, +7 GD, 13 MP)

Bottom four:

Blackpool (15 Pts, -8 GD, 16 MP)

Port Vale (14 Pts, -8GD, 16 MP)

Peterborough (13 Pts, -7 GD, 14 MP)

Plymouth Argyle (13 Pts, -10 GD, 15 MP)

League Two:

Well, I wish I’ve been paying more attention to this one because I have no idea how Swindon Town got to the top of the table, but here they are. And it’s pretty exciting. I “managed” Swindon Town for a couple seasons during Fifa a long time ago and - I don’t mean to brag - but I got them from League Two to League One. Could the same happen this year?

Top seven:

Swindon Town (30 Pts, +6 GD)

Walsall (29 Pts, +6 GD)

MK Dons (28 Pts, +14 GD)

Notts (28 Pts, +11 GD)

Bromley (27 Pts, +6 GD)

Chesterfield (27 Pts, +4 GD)

Gillingham (26 Pts, +6 GD)

Bottom two:

Cheltenham (14 Pts, -17 GD)

Newport county (11 Pts, -12 GD)

National League:

We have another competitive race in the National League. Of course, only the top club gets the automatic spot. That’s currently Forest Green. But they’re only one point ahead of Rochdale, who have two games in hand.

Top one:

Forest Green (41 Pts, +17 GD, 19 MP)Others in the mix: Rochdale, Carlisle, York, Boreham Wood

Fitzie’s track of the day: The Ballad of the Kingsmen, by Todd Snider

And now for your links:

BBC: “Bournemouth’s Semenyo has £65m January release clause”

The Guardian: “Scotland approach one-game World Cup shootout with excitement and focus”

ESPN: “Pochettino prepares U.S. to ‘suffer’ against ‘hero’ Bielsa”

Tottenham Hotspur fans held their collective breaths this weekend after news had emerged that midfielder Pape Matar Sarr was withdrawn due to injury minutes into the second half of Senegal’s 2-0 international friendly loss to Brazil on November 15. Sarr reportedly took a heavy hit and then walked off the pitch in some discomfort, leading to speculation that he could be set for a period on the sidelines. Considering Spurs are already without Archie Gray, Lucas Bergvall withdrew from Sweden’s squad due to complications from his recent concussion, and the continued absence of Dejan Kulusevski, James Maddison, Yves Bissouma, and Mohammed Kudus, you’d be forgiven if fans were ready to throw up their hands and find some other sport to pay attention to for a while.

The good news, however, is that Sarr seems to be okay. Senegal manager Pape Thiaw gave a brief update, as reported by Football.London, that suggested that Sarr’s knock is just that — a knock, and that he was withdrawn out of an abundance of caution.

The same probably can’t be said for the OTHER player injured in that Brazil-Senegal friendly. Arsenal defender Gabriel was also subbed out with an adductor injury, and it looks like he could be out for a longer spell. Brazil manager Carlo Ancelotti acknowledged the injury, but implied the severity of it might not be known for a while yet.

“Bad? I don’t know, he had a problem with his adductor, the medical staff have to check tomorrow. We are really sorry for this, really disappointed. When players have an injury, I hope they can recover well and soon.”

The BBC confirms that Gabriel will miss Brazil’s friendly against Tunisia later this week, which puts him firmly in the “questionable” category for this weekend’s North London Derby at the Emirates Stadium. Also on Arsenal’s injury list: Gabriel Martinelli, Gabriel Fernando de Jesus, Martin Odegaard, Kai Havertz, Victor Gyokeres, and Noni Madueke. By my count that’s seven injured players, significantly fewer than the 13 players currently out for Spurs, so don’t let the Gooners in your life give you any crap.

The North London Derby is this Sunday, with kick-off at 11:30 a.m. ET / 4:30 p.m. GMT.

Hey! Remember how Tottenham Hotspur FC had lots of injuries, so decided to fire their medical team and hire some new folks?

And remember when they did the exact same thing a year later?

Well, it’s happening again! Kind of. Not really. It’s classified.

In reality, Spurs’ medical team is still taking shape following another review late last year and the significant changes to backroom staff in the aftermath of Ange Postecoglou’s firing and Thomas Frank’s hiring - and good thing too: given the fact that Spurs are once more in the midst of an injury crisis, you wouldn’t blame Spurs’ new ownership for kicking off a third review.

We now have some detail as to the shape of that team now as well, thanks to The Athletic’s Tottenham Hotspur correspondent Jack Pitt-Brooke. Jack took questions via a Reddit AMA (ask me anything for those still trapped in the 20th century) a couple of days ago, and he answered a question around the state of Spurs’ medical department in great detail, with some information we were not previously privy to.

He confirmed the revamp is still in progress following the departures of recent appointees Adam Brett and Nick Davies in the summer. Adam Brett (who is a dead ringer for Alan Tudyk) came to Spurs from Brighton, and took on the Director of Performance Services role: essentially, leading efforts in the realms of physical health, sports science, nutrition, psychology, and all those other medical measures that can give clubs an edge (you know, like horse placenta). Nick Davies, coming from West Ham, reported into Brett, and was Head of Sports Science.

JPB also mentioned that since their departures, Spurs have made a couple of new appointments. It turns out Brentford weren’t just plundered for their coaching staff: Chris Haslam, Tom Perryman, and Nick Stubbings made the trip across London as well. Stubbings took up the lead medical position, while Perryman was appointed as Head of Strength & Conditioning. A prior appointment, Michael Cooper, was internally promoted to the Head of Sports Science role to replace Nick Davies.

That brings us to Chris Haslam. He was named Head of Performance, which seems similar to the title previously held by Adam Brett, but is not the same role. The replacement for that vacancy was actually announced by the club back in October: Dan Lewindon. Lewindon comes from City Football Group, and his appointment is by all accounts a bit of a coup for Spurs. The announcement mentioned he’d be joining the club following his notice period, but JPB indicated in his Reddit post that wouldn’t be until 2026, meaning a long period without somebody herding the cats.

All this dysfunction and disruption will not have been helpful for Spurs’ walking wounded (and seemingly perpetually cursed squad). Turnover in these key roles could have played a part in certain players’ recoveries, propensity towards injury, or overall fitness; but maybe whatever happened was going to happen anyway. The intensity and volume of modern football continues to rise, and with it the number of serious injuries to players. That’s really the story here.

Which is why it is all the more important that Spurs get these hires right. Hopefully, this time they have.

What a week for Troy Parrott!

The former Tottenham Hotspur player scored two goals for Ireland against Portugal last week before surpassing those heroics with a hat-trick against Hungary to send Ireland into the UEFA World Cup qualifying playoffs.

For those of you who haven’t seen the goal yet, it’s worth watching. And it’s worth watching it again:

I have no idea quite how this sequence of events unfolded. You have that last-ditch longball into the box, a bit of a wandering header and then Parrot somehow finds space between two Hungary defenders, beats the keeper and taps the ball into the back of the net with his toe.

Absolute scenes at the Puskas!

And for those of you who haven’t seen Parrott’s post-match interview yet, that’s also worth checking out:

It’s a humongous moment for Troy Parrott, and a huge moment for an Ireland team that less than a week ago seemed consigned to looking ahead to the 2028 Euros.

Instead they’ll be looking ahead to March, where they’ll partake in the semi-finals.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Tattoo’d Lady, by Rory Gallagher

And now for your links:

The Athletic ($$): “Tottenham vs Arsenal: How last season’s tears were followed by Spurs’ WSL revival”

BBC: “Frank had ‘unique’ Man Utd & Chelsea talks on same day”

The Irish Times: “Troy Parrott cries tears of joy after fairytale hat-trick books World Cup playoff place”

The Guardian: “England win every group game without conceding after Kane’s double sinks Albania”

Tottenham Hotspur Women hosted their arch-rivals Arsenal in the first Women’s North London Derby of the season on Sunday. The two teams came into the match level on points with 15 each, with Arsenal holding fourth in the table by goal differential. In a hard-fought game that had moments of end-to-end attacking but ultimately settled into a defensive battle, neither team could find the back of the net and the game ended in an even, and ultimately fair, scoreless draw.

Tottenham head coach Martin Ho started an identical lineup to the one that lost 4-2 away at London City last weekend, a decision that raised a few eyebrows but that was vindicated in the first half. Spurs club captain Beth England once again started on the bench, with Tinka Tandberg starting in a front three along with Jessica Naz and Matilda Vinberg. Drew Spence, Eveliina Summanen, and Olivia Holdt played in the midfield behind, with a back four of Toko Koga, Clare Hunt, Amanda Nilden, and Ashleigh Neville, with Lize Kop between the sticks.

The match was a fairly even affair, and entertaining with both teams looking to push forward and create opportunities. Spurs looked dangerous early, but allowed Arsenal to settle, with the visitors holding much of the possession advantage in the first half. That said, while Arsenal had much of the ball, Spurs’ defense frequently frustrated the visitors; Arsenal held the shot advantage with 13 to Spurs four, but only four shots on target, and few of them troubling Kop.

Tottenham struggled to create attacks of their own, however they did look threatening on the counterattack at times. That industry rarely led to a shot, but Spurs did not look like a team that was trying to bunker. In the last ten minutes, Tottenham seemed content to try and see out the scoreless draw, hoofing the ball defensively into space as their defenders tired.

Spurs did their best to nick a winner late by bringing England in for Tandberg at 60’, and Ho brought Olga Ahtinen for Summanen and Martha Thomas for Vinberg at 75’. Lena Gunning-Williams also made a late cameo just before extra time, coming in for Holdt.

The match felt like one of those games where both teams were waiting for the other team to screw up. Ultimately, neither team did, at least in any way that really mattered. The final score was a 0-0 draw, and Tottenham will come away feeling happier about the result, but feeling like they could’ve done more to take all three.

Here are my match reactions from a highly entertaining scoreless draw in the Women’s North London Derby.

Match reactions

Who’s ready for a North London Derby? No, not that one, the OTHER one. Tottenham Hotspur Women host arch-rivals Arsenal today in the first Women’s NLD of the season. Spurs are coming off of a 4-2 loss away at London City Lionesses last weekend, but are still having a good start to the new season under head coach Martin Ho. Spurs are currently fifth in the table, level on points with Arsenal, who are in fourth. Spurs have only ever beaten Arsenal once — a historic 1-0 win in 2023. That said, Spurs defeated Arsenal 4-3 in a preseason friendly in August. Can Spurs do it again? Anything’s possible!

Spurs flying high behind the play of new signing Tinka Tandberg and midfielder Olivia Holdt, and are solid at the back behind CB pairing Toko Koga and Clare Hunt. But they’ll need to be good on both sides of the ball in order to get a result today. Incidentally, this match is at Brisbane Road, and I’m a little disappointed by that, as these are the kinds of matches that normally make for an anticipated match at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

The match is not televised in the USA, but is on Sky Sports in the UK, and streamed on ESPN Select in the states.

Tottenham Hotspur Women vs. Arsenal

Brisbane Road,

TV: not televised (USA), Sky Sports Premier League (UK)

Stream: ESPN Select (formerly ESPN+)