Good morning everyone - FITZIE IS BACK!!!!
Boy it feels good to be back too.
For those of you who have been following along my marathon training with me for the last couple of months, thank you! And I did see your messages of support over the weekend - thank you!
Fitzie’s marathon time — 3:02.57
Average pace - 6:59/mile
When I began providing updates on my marathon training, I partly did so to break down some of the misconceptions about running a marathon that I see flying about the interwebs. I cannot stand running influencers and I believe they are creating unrealistic expectations of what it is like to run.
What I rarely see captured are the darkest moments a runner faces in a race. Self doubt manifests itself in myriad ways. Some call it “The Wall”. For me on Saturday, I didn’t so much run into it. It was more as if The Wall found me and repeatedly punched me in the face. That’s how it felt.
I wanted to share a few of some of those doubts and negative talked that crept into my mind in the final handful of miles on Saturday:
Everything you trained for was pointless.
You’re a total failure.
Count this one as another failed attempt at the marathon.
What’s the point in all that training if you’re just going to biff it in the final six miles?
Oh, so you talk about Tottenham Hotspur not performing? Look at you, you loser.
You’re going to let everyone down.
Look at this guy. His fourth marathon and he still can’t run the whole thing.
You’re not going to finish.
These are some pretty negative thoughts. This is how self doubt manifested itself on Saturday - through a torrent of negative self-talk. That’s unusual for me because I’m pretty dang good at self talk and pumping myself up when things get tough.
I began to hurt a little earlier than I would have liked to on race day (there was some knot in my left glute as early as Mile 2, actually). I kept wondering what - if anything - I had done wrong. I was running around a 6:45-50/mile pace, which is about where I wanted to be. I felt comfortable. Anytime I felt my pace was going a bit too fast (under 6:40/mi) I eased up a little. So I was surprised when the pain kicked in at Mile 18.
Then a small incline at Mile 20 tore apart the remainders of my legs. From there the Self Doubt had fully crept in, so I tossed away my sub-3 aspirations and focused on survival. I don’t know how I did the final six miles without stopping. I guess deep down I knew it’d be game over.
The out and back twice was a challenge. Six-and-a-half miles felt so much further than I thought it actually was. Perhaps it was the fact it was a straight line. It was difficult. I thought I had trained myself enough to know the difficulties in an out-and-back (and perhaps I am accustomed to it), but to do it twice with little crowd support is difficult.
I went back to my training - those difficult stretches during the winter months. I took it a half mile at a time. When that seemed too far, I cut it down to a quarter mile at a time.
I also thought of the Grateful Dead, of Haruku Murakami, of Harry Styles (the latter two will make sense eventually). I also thought of Carty Free, who I didn’t want to let down.
I didn’t stop running.
Eventually I made it to the finish line.
After the race:
I immediately went to the medical tent. I didn’t even collect my ribbon at first. I went to medical and collapsed on the cot. The woman at the tent handed me a powerade, which I drank quickly. I must’ve had two or three bottles after the race.
Everything was cramping badly. I could barely walk. Both of my quadriceps and shoulders began to cramp. My body temperature plummeted and I put on a hoodie, jacket and knit cap. I felt like I was going to pass out.
I know what you’re saying: Stretch! My dear hoddlers, I could not stretch. I could barely stand, let alone walk or stretch. This was by far the most pain I ever felt after a race. It was awful.
What’s next?
It’s been a few days since the marathon. I’m still very sore - walking up stairs hurts. Walking down stairs hurts more. I had a massage and that was nice.
My biggest challenge right now is facing these mixed emotions. I am disappointed I didn’t hit the sub-3 on this run. I thought I could.
At the same time I achieved a new personal best, beating my previous record by 35 minutes. I fought back against the darkest thoughts running through my mind, and this was the first marathon in which I didn’t stop once. That is a hell of a big deal.
I will be spending the next few weeks recovering and going over what went right and what went wrong. I have a few thoughts on my pre-run meals, and I still think the weather preventing me from doing target-pace runs interfered with my preparations.
I’ll lace up the running shoes again either today or Thursday. I love running. I’m excited to get back out there. Even more so when it’s beautiful outside. I’m going to follow a return-to-running guide to make sure I’m in tip-top shape.
Then it’ll be another half marathon sometime in May.
But soon I will have to determine whether the Marine Corps Marathon beckons. I think it might.
Fitzie’s track of the day: Promised Land, by the Grateful Dead
And now for your links:
The Guardian: “Harry Kane gives Bayern Munich edge despite Real Madrid fightback in thriller”
The Athletic ($$): “Can the Premier League do more to combat violence against women and girls?”
AP via The Independent: “Mircea Lucescu, Romanian football legend and coach, dies aged 80”