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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Thursday, April 3

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Good morning hoddlers.

We have a short hoddle today because Tottenham Hotspur football is back!

And there’s no other club I’d rather welcome Tottenham back to the Premier League than Chelsea. Actually, that’s a lie. There’s a whole list of clubs I’d rather Tottenham play to return to PL action.

Here’s the list:

- Aston Villa

- Bournemouth

- Brentford

- Brighton (and Hove)

- Crystal Palace

- Everton

- Fulham

- Ipswich Town

- Leicester City

- Liverpool

- City

- United

- Newcastle

- Forest

- West Ham

- Wolves

It’s a large list. For those keeping track that is every club except Arsenal.

I’m not looking forward to today. I see no reason to. But Tottenham play today, and of course I’ll be paying attention to it.

My hope is a win, my expectation is a win by three goals.

COYS

Fitzie’s track of the day: Dramamine, by Middle Kids

And now for your links:

Jay Harris ($$): “How do Tottenham Hotspur get the best out of Cristian Romero?”

Football London: “What Ange Postecoglou senses from Tottenham squad as Romero and Van de Ven Chelsea start explained”

REPORT: Fabio Paratici verbally accepts agreement to become AC Milan director of football

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Remember the halcyon days of last week when I suggested people should stop getting too far over their skis about Fabio Paratici? There were numerous (stupid) reports in the Italian media that made it sound like Spurs had either offered a major role to Don Fabio at the conclusion of his international football ban, or were planning to. I didn’t really think that was true at the time. Now it looks like it not only wasn’t true, but he’s not going to stay at Tottenham at all.

Sky Sports’ Lyall Thomas tweeted today that the Don has “verbally agreed” to become the next director of football at AC Milan.

If you’re new to Spurs fandom or don’t remember what Fabio’s deal was, he was Tottenham’s sporting director under Antonio Conte, and a former top executive at Juventus. His extensive contacts within Italian football (and the iPhone consistently plugged into his ears) led him to some pretty good signings while at Spurs, including Rodrigo Bentancur, Cristian Romero, and Dejan Kulusevski.

But the flip side of that coin was that Paratici left Juventus under a double cloud of scandal, with reports of his involvement in both the plusvalenza (overvaluing transfer targets to cook financial books) and PRISMA (paying players illegally under the table during COVID-era financial restrictions) scandals. The end result was that he was banned from football for a period of 30 months.

That ban ends in June, and in the meantime Paratici has been “working” as an “informal advisor” to Tottenham as a way to get around the football ban. Now, if Lyall is correct, he’s getting back into football, but back in his home country of Italy.

It makes sense. Italian football is what he knows, and while a return to Juventus is obviously not likely, it does seem appropriate that a club like Milan or Inter would snatch him up. I don’t know for sure whether Tottenham actually wanted to keep him around in some role equal to or under new technical director Johan Lange; what we do know is that they never made him an offer, and now it looks like he’s moving on.

I, personally, was extremely Larry_David.gif about the idea of again covering Paratici’s helter-skelter “scattergun” approach to football transfers (as opposed to the impenetrable black box that is Johan Lange’s methodology) but I will confess that I’ll kind of miss that extremely Conte-esque era of chaos. RIP, Don Fabio and thanks for all the memes.

DONE DEAL: Callum Olusesi signs three year professional contract

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You might have noticed that Tottenham Hotspur are in a bit of a youth movement right now, partially out of necessity due to the massive injury crisis that precipitated playing a bunch of teenagers meaningful minutes in numerous Premier League matches at the start of the new year. But Spurs are also bringing along some promising players through the academy as well. Today one of the more promising youngsters, Callum Olusesi, signed his first professional contract with the club.

You might remember Olusesi made his club debut in the waning moments of Spurs’ 3-2 Europa League win over Hoffenheim in January. He’s a central midfielder and if you ask academy watchers who the really good players are out of this current crop of Spurs teenagers, his name is usually one of the ones that comes up. He just turned 18 and has signed a three year deal that will make him one of the highest paid academy players, though it doesn’t mean he’s going to be cracking the first team anytime soon.

Still, this is pretty exciting news. Youth development is always a crap shoot, though central midfield has been one area where Spurs have recently developed a few Premier League caliber players. Neither Harry Winks and Oliver Skipp were ultimately deemed to be at the level Spurs needed them to be, but they should both be considered “academy wins.” Olusesi could be another in that mold. Or he could be the next Tottenham academy superstar! We won’t know for a while yet.

Regardless, it’s nice that he’s been deemed good enough to earn a professional contract. That means he’s a talented player regardless of what happens to him next or what his future in the game will turn out to be. My guess is that he’ll stick around for Spurs’ preseason tour with Asia and then possibly head out on loan. That in itself is worth celebrating.

TEAM NEWS: Danso, Kulusevski “a couple weeks away” with Richarlison training

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Tottenham Hotspur play a football match tomorrow, which is something that hasn’t happened in over two weeks. That’s good! But they play away to Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, a place they haven’t won since 2018. That’s not so good.

Spurs are just about as healthy as they’ve been all season, with Richarlison now back in full training. That’s good! But according to the most recent team update from Ange Postecoglou, there are still two players who have yet to fully recover from recent injuries — Big Ange stated on Spurs’ social media channels that Kevin Danso and Dejan Kulusevski are still “a couple of weeks away.” That’s not so good.

Ange says that Richarlison might or might not feature tomorrow against Chelsea, saying it’s about finding the right time to bring him back on and work him into the first team setup again. That suggests that if he WERE to play tomorrow, it’s likely be as a late game substitute to get minutes into his legs.

Notably, nothing was said about Cuti Romero or Micky van de Ven’s status. I’m going to assume that’s good. Romero was able to get some international minutes with Argentina and didn’t come back injured, which is also good. Van de Ven was not called up for the Netherlands, and while he saw some reserve minutes ahead of the international break it’s still not clear what his status is, which can be construed as potentially not so good.

Playing away at Chelsea is always a “not so good” situation, but now it’s time to bring this article to a close, which if I attempt to channel the thoughts of my readers here, is good.

The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Wednesday, April 2

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Welcome to Fitzie’s Film and TV Reviews, where your hoddler-in-chief reviews some things he’s seen on the telly and on the big screen. Today’s feature includes a film which he didn’t see in the cinema (RIP E Street Theatre).

——-

Traitors (US and UK): This is the reality show where some people pretend to be “traitors” and vote out members of the “faithful” while collecting a fair amount of money if they can make it to the end of the game. The US version is a bit too camp for me. I prefer the UK with your everyday folks. It’s far more endearing. Either way, it kind of drags on. The challenges feel pointless and I feel we’re coming close to a point where the contestants on the programme might know it too well.

Adolescence: A four-part miniseries that’s got a lot of people talking for its one-shot episodes. They’re all brilliantly done. Perhaps none better than the explosive first episode that showed a 13-year-old boy Jamie arrested on suspicion of murder.

In the second episode one of the detectives argues that the murdered girl will not receive the same amount of attention of her murderer. And, sadly, this is a self-fulfilling promise. We spend so much time on the intense grief of the boy’s family that we fail to properly understand how the 13-year-old got here (cyberbullying and internet culture).

And the girl who was murdered feels more of a plot device than a human being. Her character deserved much better from this show.

Laugh Out Loud UK: Your hoddler-in-chief hinted at this latest comedy show on Reba McEntire’s birthday. A group of 10 comedians are locked in a room together for six hours. They’re not allowed to laugh. Last one laughing wins.

There are some great bits in here. Joe Wilkinson’s RNLI speech, Richard Ayoade’s deadpan delivery and seemingly indestructible demeanour and Lou Sanders playing offense the whole time.

But, of course, it’s Bob Mortimer who steals the show with his brilliantly stupid humour.

I feel this show was far more for the people in the room than on their couches at home. At times it felt quite unfunny, but this was a very strong start to a series that’s bound to have more Taskmaster alum.

Wicked: I’ve seen the play in the theatre twice, and it was spectacular both times.

The remarkable thing about cinema is that it is able to capture how grand a world can be that a stage cannot. And Wicked presents the world of Oz as a massive, colourful and tumultuous place.

Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo are perfectly cast as Glinda and Elphaba, the two leads in the play. And the fact they sing all of their parts live is remarkable. Equally remarkable was Grande’s physical comedy, best displayed in Popular.

And the climactic Defying Gravity lived up to the scale and ambition of this film, with Erivo’s cape blanketing much of the sky surrounding her as she makes her terrific stand.

While the film is certainly long (its run-time surpasses the play itself), it moves quite quick. I’m looking forward to part two.

Severance: I have only just finished watching Season 2 tonight, and it is a brilliant programme so far. After about three episodes I was able to really dig into it. Everything is exceptionally done from the directing to cinematography, the score and all the dancing. Plus, how many characters is each actor playing?

The pacing felt a little bit off at times in the second season (hello, episode 7), but the 75-minute finale was a gripping piece of television.

We leave Season 2 with a tonne of questions. I hope the writers know where they want this to go and how they plan to end it.

Fitzie’s track of the day: One More Saturday Night, by My Morning Jacket

And now for your links:

Football London: “Van de Ven decision made, Kulusevski hope - The Tottenham team Postecoglou must pick vs Chelsea”

Jay Harris ($$): “Ange Postecoglou says Tottenham got start of season ‘wrong’: ‘We went into it really hard’”

BBC: “Almost a saviour - is makeshift striker Maguire sign of Man Utd struggles?”

The Telegraph: “Celtic child abuse: SPL club must pay millions to survivors”

WATCH: honest Ange highlights Tottenham’s challenges this season

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Tottenham Hotspur haven’t played a football match in over two weeks, and the absence of football has allowed certain sentiments to grow, and in some cases even fester. Players have been with their national teams, and whenever you aren’t able to see the team play for an extended period of time the vibes in the fanbase get a little weird.

So I was happy to see an extended interview with Ange Postecoglou and Optus Sport pop up on my feed this morning. Ange is a gifted communicator — it’s one of the best things about him — and while his answers here aren’t anything unexpected, it’s still nice to hear him speak about the season as a whole, replete with its enormous challenges.

Ange hasn’t really changed his tune much, but there are some interesting takeaways and even some admissions about things he’s gotten wrong this season in the context of everything else that’s been going on.

The full video is embedded in the header of this article and I’d encourage you to watch it in full, but I’ve transcribed a few key and interesting passages below, starting with Ange’s birds’ eye view of the season as a whole so far.

“It’s been a tough season. There’s no hiding away from it. It hasn’t gone anywhere near to the levels we wanted. We certainly started the season off with some pretty clear goals and ambitions around what we wanted to achieve, and I guess there’s an equal frustration there and had some glimpses of us getting to the level we want, and there’s been enormous setbacks, and our inconsistency in the league.”

Postecoglou was also asked what his biggest challenge has been this season in trying to get Tottenham to achieve their team goals for the season. It’s not a difficult question to answer, and Ange was able to navigate it by both acknowledging the factors outside his and the club’s control while also taking responsibility for the team’s obvious failures and shortcomings.

“I think the domino effect of certain things happening [has been the biggest challenge]. You kind of try and assess things as you go along, and at the end of the year sit down, and my inkling is we probably got the start of the year wrong in terms of... you know, it’s just becoming increasingly challenging for footballers these days. They don’t get the traditional break and I just think we went into the season really hard. We probably underestimated the challenges of Europe this year with two extra games and us having a deep cup run.

“And then add to the mix we lost some key players early on and it feels like we’ve been from my perspective chasing our tails since then. We haven’t been able to get ahead of the challenges we’ve had. Every time we try and get some steady ground something else happens that shifts, and a lot of that I think has just gone back to the start of the year. We maybe would have taken a different approach knowing the kind of season we had ahead.”

Tottenham’s incredibly full fixture calendar this season, combined with this past summer’s European Championships and Copa America, were a major contributing factor to Spurs’ inability to overcome key injuries and exhaustion in the middle of the season. Postecoglou acknowledged that challenge, and said that eventually something will have to change.

“I think there are benefits to [a winter break]. It’s not just that, you know, on the continent they have a winter break, but also most of them only have one domestic cup competition. Most of them give the teams in Europe a break before the European games. Most of them have less than 20 teams in their top league. When you add the international schedule, I think there will come a breaking point. I have no doubt about that.

“I think that’s what’s happened to us this year. I think you saw in some clubs last year that were in Europe, whether it was Newcastle, Brighton, teams that looked like they were in the ascendancy get into Europe and all of a sudden they fall off, mainly because of injuries more than anything else. It’s happened to us this year. I think it’s affected Villa and probably [Manchester] City to a certain extent. I think you’ll see it affect teams in Europe next year.

“I think at some point the league will sit down and go okay well this is unsustainable we need to make some changes.”

Spurs fans are obviously frustrated with the way the season has gone, with a sizable percentage looking at Tottenham’s current table position and wondering whether the club is going in the right direction.

“I’ve always said I hate it when people get told how to feel. I think there’s no doubt there’s a large portion of Tottenham fans who have lost a bit of faith and belief in what we’re doing. I think they’re encouraged by what they saw last year for sure but that certainly manifested itself.

“I’m really optimistic and bullish about the squad we’ve got. I just think there’s enormous growth in them once we can navigate through this and being through a tough time you’ll know yourself. Surviving tough times can be such a strong uniter of people because you figure, well, there’s nothing we’re going to face coming down the track that’s going to be anywhere near this bad as what we’ve gone through, and we’ve survived, and we’re together.

“The results have been very disappointing but I hope people see a squad that’s exciting, and then the biggest way we can influence that is by giving them hope. We’ve still got things to play for, obviously in Europe this year, and we’ve got to try and finish the season off in a positive way.”

It’s been readily apparent that Postecoglou is focused on trying to win the Europa League after Spurs qualified for the quarterfinals by beating AZ Alkmaar last month. Ange talked about that competition and how winning it would be a tangible way of providing hope after a challenging season.

“We’re in the quarterfinals! It’s an opportunity, absolutely, and with where we are at the moment, obviously our League season hasn’t been great, but in Europe and the Carabao Cup, and even the FA Cup we performed really well when we needed to in the big occasions.

“With everyone coming back now we’re in a much healthier position. It’s not like this football club is always in semis or quarters of European competition. We’re in the quarters. We’re one of eight clubs. We certainly know that at our best that we can compete with anyone. Knock on wood we’ve got a squad that’s probably as strong as it has been all year. Why not have a massive crack at it? It would be big for the club to win a trophy, but I think for this group if you can go through what we’ve been through this year and come out the other side of it and have success, it’s a great builder for the future.”

The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Tuesday, April 1

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How long has it been since we’ve last watched Tottenham play? Too long!

The last time we checked on our beloved Spurs they lost 0-2 to Fulham, with Ryan Sessegnon (remember him?) scoring the second goal for the Cottagers. Maybe it’s best we forgot.

Tottenham Hotspur men’s squad:

This month’s action begins at Stamford Bridge against Chelsea, just as we all had hoped. Nothing says ‘Welcome back Spurs’ like a trip to Chelsea.

But it’s also the month Spurs continue the knockout stages of the Europe League. This time it’s against Frankfurt, and it comes as pressure builds on Ange Postecoglou to deliver results. How much of his job security is tied to this latest round? We may soon find out.

Oh, and then Spurs close out the month at Liverpool. Terrific.

Tottenham Hotspur men’s schedule: at Chelsea (3 April); Soton (6 April); Frankfurt (Europa League, 10 April); at Wolves (13 April); at Frankfurt (Europa League, 17 April); Forest (21 April)l at Liverpool (27 April)

Tottenham Hotspur women’s squad:

How lucky are Spurs to play Liverpool not once but twice, and on the same day?

That’s exactly what’s happening here. Who knows what’ll happen, but I do know Spurs are winless in their last seven matches. And Postecoglou isn’t the only one struggling right now, but it appears Spurs are giving Robert Vilahamn a little bit of time to work through this rough patch.

Tottenham Hotspur women’s schedule: Aston Villa (20 April); at Liverpool (27 April)

Fitzie’s track of the day: Dancing Away In Tears, by Yola

And now for your links:

Football London: “What Daniel Levy failed to admit in £700m transfer statement in Tottenham financial results”

Jay Harris: “Tottenham’s Daniel Levy addresses transfers criticism: ‘We cannot spend what we do not have’”

Dan KP: “Daniel Levy sends Tottenham spending warning in message to fans as latest financial results revealed”

Harry Kaneon his favourite dishes at the Bayern canteen

Tottenham, Arsenal to play preseason friendly North London Derby in Hong Kong

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Last month, we wrote about rumors that Tottenham Hotspur were planning yet another preseason tour to Asia, their fifth consecutive preseason trip to the region. While the full scope of those plans have not yet been finalized (or at least announced), today we do have confirmation that Spurs will be heading to Hong Kong at the end of July... to play Arsenal.

While I’m sure there are plenty of both Spurs and Arsenal fans in Hong Kong and the region who are thrilled that this match is going on, the majority of the response on social media has been mixed to negative. And for good reason! North London Derbies are special — one of the most heated and iconic rivalries in English football, matches between Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur are intended to be highly charged, emotional affairs with real stakes. Doing one as a preseason friendly, essentially a training scrimmage, featuring squads that are likely to be highly rotated, effectively dilutes the experience. It’s kind of baffling why the two clubs would agree to play a “derby” that will almost certainly be juice-less.

But maybe it’s not baffling at all. Preseason tours are about two things: giving fans in other parts of the world an opportunity to watch their favorite Premier League team play close to their homes, and money. With particular emphasis on the second part. There’s really no other reason why Spurs have gone to Asia for five straight times instead of other parts of the world — there’s a high concentration of Asian fans who watch Tottenham Hotspur play (in part because of Son Heung-Min), and that leads to higher attendances, higher ticket fees, and bigger profits. It’s cool that Asian fans get to watch Spurs play football — I will not minimize that aspect of it, it’s neat — but it’s hard not to look at a preseason friendly NLD and not feel like it’s both soulless and corporate.

That said, it doesn’t really matter which team Spurs play in these tours — fans are going to turn out regardless. Including Arsenal feels like a hackneyed attempt to make this match “mean something” when no matter what it won’t mean anything at all. Nobody will care or remember whether Spurs beat Arsenal in Hong Kong in late July, or the other way around. It’s not especially exciting, because there are zero stakes. The only possible exciting thing that could happen is that Cuti Romero is still around, doesn’t get the memo, and two-foot-tackles Declan Rice or something. THAT would be worth the price of admission.

I’m annoyed, but this is going to happen no matter now dumb I think it is.

The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News and Links for Monday, March 31

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At long last, we are finally entering the run-in for the EFL Championship. There’s a tonne left to play for and very little’s been decided. Even better, all the teams are on equal matches played (except Preston North End, but who cares about them).

Now, let’s take a look at where the league stands heading into the final seven matches of the season.

Race for automatic promotion: 1 Sheffield United (83 Pts, +27 GD), 2 Leeds United (81 Pts, +51 GD), 3 Burnley (81 Pts, +42 GD)

The race for automatics has been between these three clubs all along. But Leeds have slipped from their perch atop the table with two consecutive draws (against Swansea and QPR). That means they no longer have the inside track.

Meanwhile, Burnley and Sheffield United are on track for a huge match on 21 April at Turf Moor. Burnley have allowed just 11 goals all season (!!) but have a frustrating 15 draws (!!).

Race for the playoffs: 4 Sunderland (72 Pts, +19 GD), 5 Coventry (59 Pts, +5 GD), 6 West Brom (57 Pts, +13 GD), 7 Middlesbrough (57 Pts, +10 GD), 8 Bristol City (57 Pts, +7 GD), 9 Watford (53 Pts, -4 GD)

It’s a little crowded for the 5-6 spots in the table. Frank Lampard took Coventry from bottom half of the table to the inside track for fifth. But all the clubs in the mix have a very inconsistent of results, which makes for an unpredictable finish.

Take West Brom, for example. after draws against Burnley and Hull City, and a loss to Norwich. Those three results put the Baggies in a precaious position, but ahead on goal difference.

They’ve also got a brutal run-in with Sunderland, Bristol City, Watford and Coventry. Plus matches against relegation contenders Derby, Cardiff and Luton.

Race for survival: 18 Stoke (42 Pts, -12 GD), 19 Oxford United (42 Pts, - 17 GD), 20 Hull City (41 Pts, -9 GD), 21 Cardiff City (40 Pts, -20 GD), 22 Derby County (38 Pts, -11 GD), 23 Luton Town (38 Pts, -25 GD), 24 Plymouth Argyle (34 Pts, - 37 GD)

That brings us to the bottom seven in the table, with four points separating 18th from 22nd.

Plymouth Argyle appear destined for relegation while it appears it’s too late for Luton Town to avoid a double-relegation.

Derby County have a handful of major games against relegation rivals Luton, Hull and Stoke. Six points out of nine would be huge.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Lady Bird, by Dexter Gordon

And now for your links:

Dan KP: “Andoni Iraola could be Tottenham’s next Mauricio Pochettino but key questions raised”

Jack P-B ($$): “Bigger than the question of Postecoglou’s future is the question of what Spurs want to be (again)”

No, Spurs have not already re-hired Fabio Paratici

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You might have seen some stories lately, usually sourced from someone you’ve never heard of in the Italian football media, that Tottenham Hotspur have either offered or are in discussions to offer a lifeline to former Director of Football Fabio Paratici. Don Fabio, who’s worldwide football ban ends in June for his role in the Juventus PRISMA and plusvalenza scandals, is keen to get back into football and that has put him on the radar of a bunch of clubs, most in Italy but also, so the story goes, Tottenham.

The various reports are breathless about Spurs bringing Fabio back to Spurs in some sort of senior leadership role. Would that be at a level equal to Technical Director Johan Lange? Maybe in replacement of Lange? Or perhaps in some other role? Nobody seems know, or want to say.

And that’s because, according to the Daily Telegraph, Spurs haven’t talked to Paratici at all about any potential job opening. Our new best friend Matt Law says Spurs haven’t entered into any negotiations to have Paratici ride back into North London on the back of a donkey while the first team waves palm branches by the side of the road. Paratici is still well regarded at Spurs, with Tottenham using him in an unofficial capacity as an “advisor” to the club, but that hasn’t led to any talks about him getting his/a job back.

Now, could it happen? I mean sure, anything’s possible. It’d be a bit of a weird appointment, especially since Spurs have notably pivoted from Paratici’s “scattershot” method of talent scouting and recruitment to Lange’s data-driven model that has been itself locked behind a black box impervious to leaks or news. My impression of Paratici is that he’s uhhhhhh not exactly a data driven guy, but perhaps bringing him back would lead to him being something of a foil to Lange’s more straight-laced approach to recruitment.

But again, contrary to all reports coming out of weird Italian sources, Law writes that nothing has happened yet and might not at all. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But either way we should probably all take a step back a bit and wait for further developments from trusted sources.