We’re already deep into the international break weeds with some incredible guff about Harry Kane’s future, and another headline that by sheer rotten bad luck looks like it might be significant Cole Palmer news while in fact being nothing of the sort.
Meanwhile, things go from bad to worse for crisis-addicted Spurs and The Sun produce a headline we really had to read twice.
Quittin’ time
Absolutely incredible work from the Daily Express here with their rehash of John Cross’ Harry Kane piece from their Reach stablemates across the desk at the Mirror.
Harry Kane planning to quit football for new sport as England star causes surprise
Quite literally nothing in that headline is correct.
Let us now move on to the intro, see if it gets any better.
Harry Kane has outlined his three-stage career blueprint – with ambitions to quit football and move into the NFL.
Closer. Because some of it is now correct. And we have at least moved away from the nonsensical idea that Kane being keen on some kind of NFL kicking role comes as a ‘surprise’.
To be surprised by that simply means you haven’t been paying attention for about a decade to England’s most high-profile footballer. It strikes us therefore that it is unlikely anyone involved in this story actually think it’s surprising.
Kane’s love of the NFL is longstanding. He has talked with varying degrees of seriousness about having a go at the NFL for years now.
But never mind that. Let’s look at what he’s actually said about the NFL this time (after the far more significant part about being close to extending his Bayern Munich contract) and compare and contrast with that headline.
“That is something I will try and look at a bit more seriously. It all depends on what happens in my career over the next five or six years, the motivation and what I want to do.
“Maybe if I am in the MLS in the future or somewhere like that, it might be a thing where you could connect the two maybe with the seasons but again, it is in the back of my mind because right now, I am feeling that I want to play as long as I can.
“I think sometimes it is easy to get to my age, 33, you start thinking about retirement or the future but I am trying to extract everything I can from the last two, five or 10 years, I will keep going.”
It is, at best, a very tentative plan. More of an idle fantasy, if we’re being honest. And clearly very much secondary to his football ambitions. He even says it right there among all the ifs and buts and maybes and focusing on his footballs.
“Maybe if I am in the MLS in the future or somewhere like that, it might be a thing where you could connect the two maybe with the seasons…”
Perfectly clear what he’s saying there. That even if he does have a go at the fancy-dress rugby in the future, it’s in conjunction with proper football and not instead of. He is absolutely not in any way ‘planning to quit football’, you easily surprised dafties.
Cole scuttle
Mediawatch made the point yesterday that the ol’ obviously-bullsh*t-but-technically-not-actually-completely-wrong headline game is far harder than the elite operatives at Reach and elsewhere make it look.
And even as we were making that point football.london were in the process of showing just how well it can be done in the skilled hands of a true craftsman.
Just look at this absolute masterclass of the technically-correct disingenuous bullsh*tter’s art.
Chelsea have agreed to Cole Palmer’s transfer demand after making wishes clear
You know what that looks like. We know what that looks like. And they definitely know what that looks like. What’s more, they know that you know that they know what it looks like. They just don’t care.
Obviously it isn’t actually what it looks like. It would be massive actual news if it were the case, and there is literally none of that around today – it’s an interlull Thursday, for crying out loud.
No, what this actually turns out to be is a Senior Chelsea reporter spending several hundred words – presumably with that specific headline in mind – noting that Chelsea had indeed this summer followed Cole Palmer’s inarguably solid advice to sign some good players.
“When you sign good players, obviously your team is going to be better.”
Not always, Cole. Not always. Speaking of which…
It never rains but it Pires
Things continue to go from bad to worse for poor old Spurs, who have been hit by yet another catastrophe. The Sun pick up the devastating story.
GUNNER HATE THIS: Former Premier League star and Spurs fan names ARSENAL legend as one of his favourite players as he builds GOAT Prem XI
Oh no. This is the last thing they need. Go on, then. Give us the grisly details.
DARREN AMBROSE gave Spurs fans a fright after revealing Arsenal’s Robert Pires was one of his all-time favourites, despite being a Tottenham supporter himself.
Oh. Right. Ah. With all due respect to Darren Ambrose, we really do think Spurs fans might have slightly bigger concerns on a very full plate right now than the fact a former Ipswich, Newcastle, Charlton, Crystal Palace, Birmingham City, Apollon Smyrnis, Colchester United but conspicuously not Tottenham midfielder reckons Robert Pires was a pretty good footballer.
Misread headline of the day
Entry number one in a new occasional feature comes courtesy of The Sun.
Van Dijk in tense spat with reporter who accuses Liverpool ace of being ‘curt’
How many times do you reckon the sweaty-palmed sub checked and double-checked that before publishing?